Blank Shell
by RewindedMiracle
Summary: "Deny the truth that my life has changed. Hoping that this is all just a dream." The tale of two who were bound together through circumstance learning how to love again. F!Hawke/Fenris. Post Game. Rated M for content.
1. Introduction to Regret

**A/N:** _It's my 309865049568039458 play through of DA2 and for once I decided to shy away from Isabela and Anders, and moved on to Fenris, while romancing him proooooooved to be difficult, I managed. This is my "after" story. I hope you guys enjoy it._

"Blank Shell"

_I'm not calling you a ghost, just stop haunting me  
And I love you so much, I'm gonna let you kill me_

_-"I'm Not Calling You A Liar" by Florence and the Machine_

She was betrayed for a second time. Raina knew that she should have been use to the feeling but the heartache that had taken over was earth shattering. Her legs felt like they were going to give out and it had been Carver that held her up. So many things have happened in the past few years that made her hate who she was…what she was. Self loathing was never attractive but it was a permanent feature for Raina Hawke. "There's nothing you could say that I haven't already said to myself," he told her. The agony there broke her heart even more, if that had been possible. Did he even realize what he was saying? "I took a spirit into my soul and changed myself forever to achieve this. This is the justice all have waited." No. No, it wasn't.

"Did that spirit tell you to do this?" She asked. Her voice was barely above a whisper and it was the firm grasp that her brother had over her that kept her focus. Through their whole lives they had never seen eye to eye but now, now he was there for her. While she wanted freedom for mages, this…this was wrong.

"No," he replied. It was a simple answer yet it held so much conviction. She wanted to hate him. She wanted to curl up into a ball. She wanted to hide. She wanted to die… but all those things were luxuries and something Raina couldn't be selfish enough to do. "When we merged, he ceased to be. We are one." Why was he telling her this? It wasn't helping. "I can no more ignore the injustice of the Circle than he could. You were never a part of the Circle…you wouldn't understand." If only he trusted her.

"I might have understood if only you told me," she said. Carver cursed under his breath and thank the Maker Sebastian wasn't around.

"I wanted to tell you but what if you stopped me? Or worse, what if you wanted to help? I couldn't let you do that," Anders told her, still he refused to even look her way. Her throat had gone dry. She didn't know what to say to him. Elthina was a good woman and no one…no one deserved that fate. "The world needs to see this. Then we can all stop pretending that the Circle is a solution. If I pay for that with my life, then I pay. Perhaps then Justice would at least be free." He was prepared. He was prepared to die that selfish bastard. Did he not even stop to think about her at least once?

"Raina," Carver started but she shushed him. There was no time.

"You have to pay for what you've done," she couldn't believe the words had left her mouth.

"I know." Was that all he could say? Her vision blurred and hot tears streamed down her cheeks. "For what it's worth. I'm glad it's you. It was nice to be happy…for awhile. I love you and I'm sorry." She pulled out the dagger she had and put it in Anders's back side.

_I love you too._ "Goodbye, Anders."

* * *

The feel of the mist of a sea against her face had been indescribable just like Isabela had said. Who knew she would have been right about something after all? Raina leaned against the side of the ship, The Siren's Call Two, as she gripped the wood. It was two years after that fateful event at the Gallows. It was two years since Fenris had been gone from her life and she had to end Anders's. Carver and Cullen were heads of the Kirkwall Templars. Maker have mercy on them. It was only the group of Templars that had stayed with the Chantry and the only group that was dedicated to rebuilding instead of hunting down every mage in all of Thedas. It was two years since she found out it was Orsino that had protected Quentin the man that killed her mother. It was two years since she felt like magic had been a gift from the Maker, not a curse like she had felt then. She had sided with the Templars only to be betrayed by Meredith. Nothing had made sense that night. Had she chosen the right side? Was Orsino truly a blood mage or had he been pushed to it by Meredith? Was Meredith actually insane or had it been the lyrium sword that drove her to madness?

Thank the Maker that the only thing that had remained constant was her friendship with Isabela, her best friend and captain of the ship she was on.

Raina thought about Anders every day. When Fenris had left her, she turned to the other mage for solace. He didn't hate her for what she was. He understood her. He would be there for her. It was too bad she found out too late that hadn't been the case. She hadn't genuinely smiled since before the day in the Gallows. She hadn't loved since then. Well…she hadn't felt anything at all. She was just a shell of what she used to be. Fenris had been right. Magic put a stain on everything it touched. It ruined her relationship with him and Carver. It caused the death of her mother. So many good people had fallen to blood magic only to prove the rantings of a mad woman. What happened with Anders…

"Are you alright?" Thank the Maker for the pirate woman breaking her thoughts.

Raina turned to look at Isabela who stood next to her. Her friend offered a comforting touch on the shoulder but that was all it was. Just a touch. Raina still didn't allow herself to feel human. "I'm fine," she replied.

The Rivaini woman smirked at her. "I know you better than that," she said before one eyebrow cocked upwards. "But I'll let it go…for now." Isabela sighed heavily and closed her eyes as the wind whipped around them. "I wanted to thank you for sticking around… I know it's not something that you'd rather be doing but it's good to have you here and not having to worry about if a damned Templar found you or not."

Raina put a hand over her heart. "Oh Isabela," she said in a teasing tone, "I didn't know you cared." The pirate laughed and nudged her playfully. Some semblance of normality had reared its head and the brief feeling of happiness had shown before it disappeared just as quickly. "Though I'm not worried about Templars…" Carver and Cullen had let her and her companions go, not that her number of companions had been the same as they use to be. There was no Anders. Fenris had left before the battle had begun. She pushed away the thoughts. She needed to stop thinking about them. She often thought about what happened to them all. She knew Aveline was still in Kirkwall. Merrill had probably tried to find another clan that would accept her. Varric…oh her trusty dwarf that she really did cry herself to sleep sometimes knowing he wasn't around. That was sad, wasn't it? She missed her friends. _Be careful, Raina,_ she scolded herself, _you're allowing yourself to feel again._

"I know," she said before there was a moment of silence. Ha. What a crock. For as long as they had known each other, Rain had known that silence and Isabela never went together in a sentence. "I just came to let you know that we'll be docking soon."

"Where are we?"

"Nevarra."

Raina's hands went up and her fingers curled against the thick ropes of the webbing most of the crewmen used to scaled up the masts. The noises of the coastal city they were approaching carried of the Waking Sea. She knew where they were. One of Raina's more annoying habits that Carver liked to point out had been her love of geography. Maybe that had been another reason she and Isabela had got on so well. She was living the dream of being able to see Thedas but the dream had just felt hollow. "Cumberland," she muttered, "Great."

* * *

_With Fenris, his tough exterior had been just a shell to ward people off. His demeanor screamed to leave him alone but Raina wouldn't. She knew a troubled soul when she saw it and she had wanted to help him. Compassion had fueled her and it was that compassion that had scared him and kept him close at the same time. He was hurt and confused after what happened with Hadriana and it was her compassion for him that made every decision with that, his. The look on his face in that moment made her heart soar. "Command me to go and I shall," he said. His voice was rough, almost choked enough to where the words barely escaped him. _

_She gave him a small smile and reached up to move some silver hair out of his hair. It wasn't compassion that drove her to help him. Over the years she had fallen in love. She knew that she shouldn't have… What was it that people said about wanting things you couldn't have? Their views on mages had been entirely different yet he had called her friend countless of times. "Did I say anything?" She asked. It had been his turn to smile then._

_Her world had changed within moments. Her feelings had been confirmed when his lips met hers. She turned them around and pressed him against the wall. She could feel his want…his need… for what was happening. She knew exactly how he had felt. His hands explored her body as she led him into her room. She closed the door behind them with a swift motion of her foot. They peeled each other's clothing off and Fenris had lifted her into the air. Raina wrapped her legs around the elf and a moan escaped her when his mouth found her breasts. He whispered her named and her fingers curled into his locks. They fell onto her bed, tangled into each other across silken sheets. His fingers briskly feathered over her sex, before they teasingly entered her. Her fingers curled around the fullness of him before she guided him inside of her…_

Raina sat up quickly. Her breathing was hitched and her throat tightened. She ran her hand down her face and let out a heavy sigh. "Oooh," she heard a familiar croon, "That must've been some dream." Her eyes narrowed slightly and turned her head to look at the vivacious pirate. "I've only heard few women moan like that, myself included."

"Is there something that you want Isabela?" She asked quickly. Raina could think of a few things but they knew that door was closed long before and their friendship had blossomed from that mutual decision. The dark skinned woman smirked at her.

"Plenty," she replied curtly. She crossed her arms in front of her and Raina shook her head. "Anyways," Isabela continued, "I'm going to check out the city. I was wondering if you'd like to come with." Raina arched an eyebrow.

"We're in Cumberland. The College of Enchanters is out there, do you really think I want to go?"

Isabela shrugged one shoulder. "Just a suggestion," she said with a wicked grin forming across her features.

"Why are we even here?" So far every mage they had come across had attacked them because of the common knowledge that Raina had in fact helped the Templars go through with the Right of Annulment. What they probably didn't hear was the fact that she spared every mage that she thought she could. She would have never killed someone who begged for their life…No. She just killed those who asked for it.

It was the first time in a few months that Isabela had given her a smile that Raina knew meant trouble. As if they needed more. As if she needed more. "Following a lead," was all Isabela said before she disappeared from her room on the ship. Raina fell back onto her bed and looked away from the door. She bit her lower lip. It wasn't the College that she feared. No, far from it actually, it was just that after everything she still wasn't ready to face her decisions, her ghosts, whatever you wanted to call them, though she knew her days of hiding were slowly dwindling down.


	2. Reunion

**A/N:** _Thank you everyone who has put me on their alerts. My inbox is happy lol. Reviews are love! I decided that I was going to do alternating perspectives between Fenris and Raina. I'm going to try to keep descriptions of my Hawke to a minimum but yes, I'm unoriginal. I used the default Hawke because she was just so hot. Lol Can you spot the movie quote? ;3_

"Blank Shell"

_I've been spending all my...time  
Just thinking about ya  
I don't know what to do_

_-"Fallin' For You" Colbie Caillat_

He had known she came into the pub before he had seen her. The whispers of her arrival had reached him within seconds, not that he was surprised. Anywhere Isabela went she was bound to attract attention, whether now was for the wrong or right reason had remained to be seen. Fenris downed the rest of his wine and turned to find her. Part of him wanted to find black hair and blue eyes by the pirates' side. Then there was that other part, the one filled with shame, regret, and loathing that didn't want to see her. That part was relieved to see the pirate was alone. Her hips swayed as she sauntered in. He watched her paused and cross her arms in front of her chest as she checked out the room. Her eyes locked with his and a recognizable smirk formed across her lips. Yes. She was up to something. After all the years he had known her, he would have been a fool to think otherwise. He ordered another drink and once the mug was in his hand he raised it towards her as a toast before downing the drink.

"Nice to see some things don't change," she purred into his ear before she sat down. Isabela ordered herself a drink and leaned against the bar top. "Oh Fenris, my little treasure, I've finally found you." He let out a small laugh.

"What?" He asked, "Run out of relics to steal?" She turned her head to look at him and winked. She had tried to bed him after…that mage had wormed his way into the Hawke estate. He had turned her away, if the red cloth wrapped around his wrist had been any indication, he wasn't really over everything just yet. They say that time heals all wounds. Fenris wanted to call whoever said that a filthy liar. The lyrium burned into his were proof enough that time didn't heal wounds, externally or internally.

"Not exactly," she said in a light tone, "What I've been looking for is for a friend." Fenris felt his body stiffen. Was she really going to go there? He cradled his mug in his hands and debated on another. "She's here you know." No. He didn't know. He had hoped but he had also thought that hope was useless. "On my boat, actually. She refused to come off." She touched his shoulder. "Don't worry though. She doesn't know you're here. She doesn't really know you've been what I was looking for." What was she getting at?

"Doesn't she have that other mage to deal with?" He found himself asking. A snarl has ended his question and had set the tone of the rest of the conversation. He looked at Isabela and wanted to laugh. Never had he seen her so shocked before. "What?" He asked.

"You mean you don't know?"

"Know what?"

Isabela bit her lower lip. "This might get a little more complicated than I thought but shit, it's not my life and if you two are still the same people. I know you've been brooding just as much as she has." Isabela sucked in a deep breath. "If you would have stuck around, you would have known that Anders blew up the Chantry." Her voice had lowered. "And Raina killed him for it." Fenris felt himself nearly choke. He had thought… Isabela let out a laugh. "Fenris, sometimes I wonder about you."

"She loved him, why would she have killed him?" He questioned her. His eyes narrowed. He didn't want to believe her.

Isabela sighed. "Can you really let something like that go? It was bold. I know, but maybe a little too bold for my tastes. Her decision was her own." The pirate let out a long whistle. "I've been the one trying to keep her sane, you know." She made a 'tut tut' sound. "You surprise me, Fenris," she purred, "You mean to tell me you feel nothing for her after so long?"

"Why are you saying these things to me?"

"Because I'm tired of watching my best friend's soul deteriorate," she told him and actually smacked him in the back of his head. "She's broken, Fenris, and I believe you can bring her back." She rolled her eyes. "If anything, the sex would definitely do you both some good."

"She doesn't love me anymore," he told her. It all just felt a little wrong. Love had been something he had never believed in. He had never felt like he had deserved it and when he had been convinced that Raina would have been better off without him, he had realized that he had in fact, loved her. Was it too little too late? He abandoned her. Would she even want to see him?

"What is with you people and love?" Isabela groaned. "Oh go away." She waved him off. "Go now, before I shove my dagger into your side."

* * *

Fenris had found comfort that Isabela hadn't changed much. Maybe Raina hadn't either. His conscious and told him not to go to the Siren but he feet had seen it fit to betray him. He cursed under his breath and his shoulders slumped in defeat. Why did she have to do this to him? Would she turn him away? Was she still grieving over that… He sighed as he broke his thoughts. He still considered him as 'that mage' but he had to remember that the woman he was looking for now was also a mage. It had been his time in Tevinter and as a slave that had firmly planted the hatred for mages into him but it had also been _her_ that made that hatred start to go away. It was a shame that he never told her. He had wanted to, plenty of times, but after learning Anders had moved into the Hawke Estate, it was better that he had said nothing. It was better that he had just left. He had tried to stay around but the pain, not from his marks, had been too much.

He would be the first to admit that he had thought about her every day since he walked away from her. It wasn't hard to find the boat. He had remembered it when Raina had helped Isabela get it from that slaver. It wasn't exactly something he approved of, but he figured that's why she had left him behind.

He asked one of the Raiders to direct him to Rainas room. The man eyed him for a moment and Fenris felt his patience start to wear thin. "Where?" He asked again and the other man just pointed. Eventually he found her room. He hesitated in front of the door, and cursed himself in the process. He was a coward and he knew it. Silence came from the room. Was she even there? The door was slightly ajar so he pushed it open, quietly. There she was, a vision of beauty just lying on her bed. Her cheeks were hollower that he remembered and he knew he didn't like the dark circles that were starting to form under her eyes. Her eyes were closed and from what he could tell by her breathing, she was dreaming. He moved closer to her despite what his mind was telling him. For once, his heart overruled other functions. There had been so many times when he had wanted to do this same exact thing but sooner, if only he could have done it sooner… He could've spared her so much pain. He wanted her to hate him but now the question that remained was if he could handle if she actually did.

"Fenris…" He heard her mutter. His body stiffened. Did she know he was here? She readjusted herself in the bed and he saw a flash of skin. His breath caught in his throat. She was still asleep. He made up his mind that he just wanted to look at her and then he would go. She wouldn't have to know that he had been there and then… "Fenris…" Maker, did she have to say his name like that? He took some pleasure in the fact that she was dreaming about him. A small smile spread across his features. Damn her. Her eyes fluttered open. Shit. He was caught. She gave him a small smile. That…was unexpected. "This is a dream." She sounded so sure. So helpless. Fenris wanted to reach out and touch her. He took a step forward and knelt down in front of her bed. He braved the thought that she might enjoy the fact that he was there. He knew that it was wishful thinking but it never hurt.

"Then it is a good dream," he replied. A small laugh escaped her. Progress was progress, wasn't it? She reached up and touched the side of his face. Their eyes locked and she spoke next.

"I've missed you."

His self restraint flew out the window and he kissed her. Raina kissed him back. Her fingers found his hair, giving it a small familiar tug that she knew drove him crazy. He pulled her closer to him and that was when he felt her pause. Before he had time to react she used mind blast to send him reeling back. He cursed at her in Tevinter.

"You bastard!" She yelled at him.

"You weren't complaining," he shot back. Her eyebrows furrowed together as she got up from the bed. Well, maybe she wasn't exactly aware she was in nothing but her smalls. "Raina I just came to talk."

"How did you know…" He voice trailed off. "Maker I am going to kill Isabela," she groaned. She went to get dressed. Obviously time with the pirate made her less modest than he remembered. "I can't believe you kissed me. What were you thinking?" She sounded upset.

"The way you were saying my name…" He started. Raina scoffed at him and he watched her roll her eyes.

"I was _not_ saying your name," she corrected him. Oh, if she only knew. He wanted to correct her but he didn't want to risk a fireball to the face. Maker forbid. She sounded like she was trying to convince herself more than she was trying to convince him.

"Would you like me to reenact it for you?" He asked. Yes. He went there. If she wanted to have an argument he was going to give it to her.

"No," he heard her whisper. Fenris got up to his feet. "After everything, you really had the audacity to think that would be ok?" She asked him. He went up behind her and she swirled around and a fist connected with his jaw.

"Shit, what was that for?" He asked. He hand went up to his jaw and rubbed the sore spot for a moment.

"You deserve more!" She yelled at him. Raina finished dressing and headed for the door. Was she walking away from him? His anger rose slightly but he tried to keep it satiated.

"Where are you going?"

"Away from you and to shoot lightening at fools," she quickly responded. Who was running away now? Fenris chased after her and followed her to the deck of the boat only to discover the Siren was no long docked and Cumberland was slowly fading in the background. "Isabela what do you think you're doing?" She asked the pirate who was climbing up the mast to prepare the sail.

"Doing you two a favor!" She called down to them. Even down there, Fenris could see the wicked smirk on her face. "You'll thank me later! Welcome aboard Fenris!" He looked back at Raina and saw her glaring at him.

"Don't think that is _ever_ going to happen again," she hissed at him.

"Wouldn't dream of it."


	3. Blame

**A/N:** _Lots of action in this one. Just another excuse to put Fenris and Raina together. Thanks for reading/subscribing/favoriting/reviewing. I was inspired. Hope you guys enjoy!_

"Blank Shell"

_I'm not angry  
Don't know what to do  
After all the years that I spent with you  
I can't blame you for the things you say  
I was using you just to hide away_

_-"Rain" by Mika_

She couldn't believe Isabela's audacity in thinking that she had the right to interfere with her life. Logically, Raina knew that the pirate was trying to do right by her friend but the route she was taking was not working. It didn't take a blind nug to see that. At least it was that way in the mage's humble opinion. Three days had passed and Fenris kept his distance from her. Good boy, though part of her wished that he'd try to talk to her. She knew that she wanted to have her cake and eat it too. It wasn't exactly fair to him but why did she need to be fair? It wasn't like he was… But even if they tried to talk, of course, they would argue but she found comfort, oddly enough, that at least he'd be near. Maybe that was Isabela's intention after all. Raina watched the elf as he argued with the captain. He was probably trying to get her to make port but by Isabel's reaction it seemed like that wasn't going to happen. Fenris threw his hands up in frustration and walked away from the dark skinned woman. Isabela shot her a glance and Raina returned the gesture with a not so decent one of her own. The other woman smirked before she walked away. That was her girl.

Raina moved from her spot on the ship to go find the silver haired elf. She had all the right in Thedas to be angry with him. He left her after the night they had together. He had made her feel used and gave no apology for it. He abandoned her when she needed him the most. Yes, she had turned to Anders but that was only because he was there… and made her feel wanted, like she had worth. She wanted to matter to someone and she mattered to him, or so she had thought. Her anger had dimmed and she knew that she should at least try to make peace with her first love, whether he liked it or not.

"Fenris," she started when she found him. His body stiffened when he heard her voice.

"I thought you wished to be free of me," was all he said. Oh Maker, if he only knew.

"I've tried to be," she found herself replying, even to her own surprise she continued, "Even with Anders." She knew Fenris could have used the other mage against her and he was in his right to. She was woman enough to admit that. "But I was never free of you." He turned to face her. Surprise had been written all over his lovely features. She had tried to forget but the memories of him leaving were just too vivid.

* * *

_Her arm moved next to her. She wanted to feel him lying beside her. She wanted my make sure that she hadn't just been dreaming. The coolness of the sheet felt nice against her bare body but what would have felt nicer would have been the one that had kept her company. Her eyes fluttered open and looked around. She saw the silhouette of Fenris's body against the flames of her fire place. His shoulders were broad for an elf but he was just so…taut and… Raina bit her lower lip to keep her mind from escaping her. His back was to her and that was when she noticed that he had his armor on…and a red ribbon tied around his wrist. It was the type that she used to wear in her hair when she was little. She used it as a book mark for her journal now but she didn't mind how it was being used now._

"_Was it that bad?" She asked. Fenris whirled around to face her, startled that she was awake. She propped herself up on her elbows. The sheet had fallen from her body, exposing her half naked body to him. Fenris shook his head and looked away for a moment. Part of her felt like she wasn't going to like what was about to happen._

"_I'm sorry," he started, "It was fine."He paused and turned to face her. "No. That is insufficient. It was better than anything that I could have ever dreamed." Her heart melted. Well. Didn't he know how to use pillow talk effectively? She gave him a little smirk. That was when it dawned on her. He had admitted before that he strayed away from touching because of his markings._

"_Your markings," she started, "They hurt, don't they?"_

"_It's not that," he said and averted his gaze from her again, "I began to remember my life before. Just flashes. It was too much. This is too much. This is too fast. I cannot do this." _

_Raina felt her chest tighten. She had pretty much…confessed everything she had felt towards him. Over their years of knowing each other, she never thought she could be close to anyone like she had been with him. Maker knows that Isabela had tried to get her in bed but Raina had turned her down because her thoughts were on Fenris. Even Anders had tried but again, her thoughts had only been on one person. "Your life before?" She asked. "What do you mean?" Keep him talking. That was the plan. Keep him there. Don't let him leave. _

"_I've never remembered anything from before the ritual," he admitted to her. He brought a hand up to rub his temples. "There were…faces…words. For just a moment, I could recall all of it. Then it slips away."Rainas hands gripped onto the sheets and she pulled them up to her to cover her body. This wasn't going the way she had hoped. _

"_Don't you want to get your memories back?" She asked him._

"_Perhaps you don't realize how upsetting this is," he started, anger laced through his tone as he turned away from her. "I've never remembered anything and to have it all come back in a rush only to lose it… I can't…" His voice took on a strained tone. It was foreign to her to see him in such a vulnerable state. He had always been strong, and when she needed someone he had been there for her. He had been her rock. "I can't," he told her simply. _

"_We can work through this," she insisted._

_He frowned. "I'm sorry," he apologized, "I feel like such a fool. This should have never happened in the first place. I just wanted to be happy…even for a little while." Wait. What? "Forgive me."He turned away from her one last time and she watched him leave. A shudder ran through her body and a sob escaped her lips. She knew from that moment, she had never wanted to feel like that again. If only she had known then what she knew now, she could have saved herself a lot of pain._

* * *

"Raina…" He was trying to get her attention.

She shook her head. "I still don't know if I can forgive you," she told him, "But I don't hate you…anymore." He opened his mouth to say something but looked to be at a loss for words. She knew it would be a long time before they could probably trust each other again.

"Ok."

"Is that all you can say?" She asked. Her voice had raised a notch. "I've waited for over two years for this and all you can say is ok?" Her eyebrows furrowed together. "I want to understand what happened." Her voice pleaded to him.

"Anything I say would be insufficient for an explanation."

"Bullshit." She wouldn't accept that.

His eyebrows furrowed together to mimic her expression. "Do not put all the blame on me, Hawke," he started, "It did not take you long to run to that mage's arms." Anger sparked between them. _That mage._ It was always going to be like that. She had shown him that not every mage was like his sister, Hadriana or Danarius but it was still not enough.

"How can you say you ever cared about me when you hate the very thing that makes me who I am?" She spat back at him.

"Raina…I…" Oh, so she was Raina now? Not Hawke?

"For you information, I didn't go to Anders. He came to me because I hadn't visited. He was worried. Something I would be utterly shocked to hear that you know what that is. He saw that I was devastated. Because of you." She was trying to hurt him. She was going to regret it later but it was too late to turn back. She felt slight justification and that was enough. "At least he loved me and could tell me that instead of running away like a coward."

Fenris sneered at her. "Yes," he started, "He loved you so much he put you in a fugitives position. He loved you enough to make himself a martyr."

She felt like she had been slapped in the face. "Shut up," she warned him.

"How did it feel? Hm? When you found out he only cared about himself?"

A feral snarl escaped her as energy soared from her body, hit him square in the chest and sent him reeling out of the room. Tears had finally escaped her after years of promising that she would never cry over a man again. "It felt like being betrayed for a second time," she told him before she escaped to her own room.

* * *

Could there be no peace between them? With the anger that threatened to take over every time she looked at him. Raina kept her chin up when they were in the same room, but she was ready to crumble when they were apart. She wanted to fling him off the boat at times. Other times she wanted to fling herself off. Why couldn't she just go back to how she was? When she didn't feel anything, she could deal with whatever was to come. She functioned. She was just a shell, but it stopped her from facing…him. As the days past, she found herself more and more in her room. Isabela refused to dock until she and Fenris made up. With the rate that they were going, they were going to get lost at sea. With her palm outstretched in front of her, she practiced a little magic that her father taught her to keep her occupied.

"_What is it?"She asked._

_Malcolm Hawke looked down at his daughter and smiled. "Magic," he replied. The ball of energy rolled from his palm, down his fingers and gave a little bounce off of his finger tips before it Raina tried her hardest to catch it. Her palm was stretched out and she made it levitate for only a moment before it fell and burned her hand. She had only begun to practice her powers. Leandra didn't like the way they practice, afraid that it would attract the Templars but Raina couldn't have imagined a better teacher. The younger version of herself pouted at her father. _

"_That really hurt," she told him. Malcolm let out a light laugh and enveloped her hand into his before he gave it a little kiss. _

"_It will get better, Ray," he told her, "Just keep your concentration. I know that you can do this." She beamed up at him despite the pain. His unwavering confidence had always been inspiring to her. That was the first day she vowed to never let him down._

Maker, how things have changed… She knew she let her father down. Her mother was dead. Bethany was dead. Carver was a templar of all things. She closed her eyes. She aided in the cause of a war, intentional or not, it was her name that the mages invoked when they fought the Templars. She opened her eyes to see the ball of energy floating above her palm. With a flick of her wrist, it was gone. She stood up from the floor and dusted herself off, Raina readjusted the red dress she wore. She had forgone her robes when she left Kirkwall to try and blend in with the pirate life. She had even gotten a tattoo. Where? Well, you'll just have to find out later. The piercing in her ear was covered by her growing dark hair. If it wasn't for her complexion, she could've claimed to be Rivaini.

The ground beneath her rocked and she lost her balance. A loud crash vibrated through the wood of the Siren. Her arms shot out to keep herself standing. "What the…" she mumbled and grabbed her staff. She left her room to see what was going on and the sight she came upon was something she hadn't expected. In all her years at sea with Isabela, they had never been raided. _So much for being the fastest ship,_ she thought to herself. The bottom of her staff hit the floor and she raised it in the air. Bolts of lightning came down from the sky and shocked a few of the invaders. A knife flew past her and Isabela appeared.

"About time you showed up," she told her, "They were starting to actually win." The sound of disgust was evident. "This is the last time I take your advice about my crew!" She called before she disappeared into the crowd.

Raina twirled her staff around her body and connected it to one of the intruding Raider's face. Her elbow pulled back and connected with another's face. Flames erupted from her hands and a few Raider's started to burn. Her breath caught in her throat. Fenris. Where was Fenris? A gasp escaped her when she felt the cold metal of a daggers blade cutting through her skin. She had allowed herself to get distracted. A mind blast erupted from her and sent her enemies back. Blue energy flew out of her hands as she casted prison crush on those who tried to gang up on her. As for the one that cut her…well, she burned him alive. Where was he? Her staff whirled around her again as she caught some of the men in their stomach and she swirled it under their legs to trip them up. She casted a cone of cold and frozen the next wave of men that came from the ship they were attached to. She spotted Isabela trying to navigate them away.

She turned when she heard her name. Fenris's greatsword cut through several men as he tried to reach her. He tore men away from him. He used the powers he received from his lyrium brands to take down several more men. To her horror, several men jumped onto him and she watched in horror as a blade went through his shoulder.

**A/N:** _I'm horrible. I know._


	4. Invitation

**A/N:** _Thanks for reading/subscribing/favoriting/reviewing. Hope you guys enjoy! You guys are really great. Fenris's point of view in this chapter! I was in the mood for a little fluff, so here it is._

"Blank Shell"

_I wanna walk on your wave length  
And be there when you vibrate  
For you I'll risk it all_

_-"ET" by Katy Perry_

Memories were like a plague. Fenris had spent so many years wishing that he had his back but whenever he thought about _her_ he wished that they were gone. He knew he should have been grateful for them to have even happened but they made him feel like he was useless, even worse of a fool than he had thought so from before. She didn't think he cared. How wrong she had been.

_Her mother was dead. He had watched various visitors reach the Hawke Estate to give their condolences. Carver had been the first to arrive. It was good for the two to grieve together. Fenris wanted to be there but he felt like he would just make things worse. Besides, family needed family, correct? At least that was what she always told him. Aveline had been the next to visit followed by Varric, Merrill, Sebastian, and then finally Isabela. He hadn't seen Anders. His eyebrows furrowed together as he looked out of the window. Ugh. He had to see her. Fenris quickly left his borrowed mansion and headed for the one place he had avoided. Would she want to see him? That didn't matter. _

_What he hadn't expected was Anders greeting him at the door. "What are you doing here?" The blonde spat at him. He thought his words were like acid but they had no affect on him. Fenris narrowed his eyes at the mage._

"_I don't have to explain myself to you abomination," he retorted back. "Now step aside."_

"_Well, you can't come in." The smug look on Anders's face was enough to make Fenris want to smack the look right off of his face. _

"_This isn't your home," he countered. The corners of Anders's lips twitched before they turned upwards in a wicked smirk. _

"_Actually," he began, "It is."_

_Fenris had been a bit taken back by the comment. "You…are living with Hawke?" He asked. He tried not to let the pain from the information go detected but it seemed like his attempt had failed._

"_What of it?"_

"_Nothing," Fenris replied quickly, "I do not wish to argue with you, I just want to see Raina."_

"_Well, she doesn't want to see you."_

"_I don't believe you."_

"_Even if you don't, she can't see you anyways. She's sleeping," Anders told him. He crossed his arms in front of his body and made no indication that he was going to move. It wasn't his place to barge into a home that wasn't his own. Especially since it was… her home._

"_Enough of this," Fenris started. His eyebrows creased together. "Tell her that I came by." He turned to leave but it seemed like it wasn't enough for the mage. He had to dig deeper._

"_You know, you were an idiot to leave her."_

_Fenris whirled around. "And you were fast enough to replace me," he fired back at him. His hand was up and he pointed at Anders. "Do not talk of her as if she is some possession."_

_Anders shook his head. "I love her," he said simply, "You have no idea what that means." So he thought. _

_He glared at the mage. "Do not bare your heart to me, mage" he warned him, "Unless you would have me rip it out."_

That was when he felt something hit the ship. Fenris lurched forward and almost fell overboard but he caught himself as he dug his heel into the side bearing. He looked and watched as another ship collided itself more into the Siren. Waves of men flew from the invading boat. They were being raided. Fenris readied his sword as the first wave came in. He swung with all his might, cutting into several Raiders. He used his phasing ability to run a few more down to their knees before the metal of his blade was the last thing that they felt. Where was Raina? He frantically looked around for her. He would _kill_ any man that tried to get to her. The sounds of hysterical cries reached his sensitive ears. He whipped his head around to see lightning spark down from the sky to electrocute the intruders. As far as he knew, there was only one mage on board.

That was when he spotted her. She was grace embodied. Her staff turned in fluid movements as different spells erupted from her. The dress she wore became more _flattering_ with each movement. He had a soured opinion of mages before he had met her. She was the reason why they should be tolerated in the world. But now wasn't the time to think about that. She needed him by his side…and perhaps he needed her more. More than he wanted to admit. "Raina!" He called for her. She looked for him and their eyes connected. He swung his sword again to cut down those between the two of them. He was almost to her when he felt a sharp pain in his shoulder. The enemies were upon him and tried to gang up for the greater advantage. Fenris bent down enough to where the sword left his body and he was able to fight back. His sword arm was damaged but he still had his phasing powers. As much as he didn't like to use them, it was the only thing he had left.

He could hear Isabela shouting orders and the number of the invading Raiders had dwindled down. The Siren jerked slightly and the captain had finally detached them from the enemy. He watched as a force field encased him. Magic. She meant to protect him but it only pissed him off more. Flames shot around him, leaving him unscathed as the others burned around him. Fenris picked up a longsword from one of the fallen Raiders and left the force field. Self satisfaction had taken over when he heard her curse at him. He fought with his good arm for as long as he could, taking down any man in his way before all that was left had been those who were on the ship prior to the raid.

"Well," he heard Isabela say, "That was fun."

Fenris winced in pain as he dropped the sword. Raina had appeared by his side and she was coaxing him to sit down. Words had not reached him but the look on her face and her mouth moving had made him realize what was being said. He had lost a lot of blood. If the pounding in his head was any indication, he was still losing some. "It's coming out quickly," he heard her say, "I need to heal you." Since when was she ever a healer? He grunted at her and he watched her roll her eyes. She sat him down, with the help of several others. Was he fighting them? If so, he hadn't realized and made a mental note to apologize later.

Raina's hand hovered over his shoulder. Blue light emitted from her palm and a warm sensation had taken over his wound. Her eyebrows furrowed in concentration and his lyrium markings reacted against her magic. Sweat formed on her brow and he punched the Raider holding his arm. The man's named had escaped him. He didn't care. "Ow," he growled.

"Don't be such a baby," she hissed at him. The pounding had ceased in his head. Fenris jerked away from her. Raina rolled her eyes. "You are such a baby."

"I am _not_," he shot back at her. He almost gave in to childish ways with the temptation to stick his tongue out at her. She moved from him.

"There," she said with a look of exhaustion, "It's done."

"Thank you," he said. It was the best he could do. Raina stood up.

"Don't think too much into it."

Isabela had taken it upon herself to mediate. "As much as we all love a good show," she started before she placed her hands on her hips, "I do believe it's time to make port again. What do you say boys?" The Raiders cheered in agreement. "Off to home we go."

* * *

He had never been to Rivain before. As he thought about it, there hadn't been many places he had gone too after his new found freedom. From Isabela's description, it could have been a place where he would have enjoyed himself. Magic wasn't revered there. The Rivaini's believed in a natural balance. They seemed to have focused on living how they wanted to. It was something that he could admire. His hand went up to touch his shoulder. It was still bandaged as a precaution. It seemed that his dear healer wasn't confident in her abilities. He'd ask her about it when she wasn't ready to chew his head off. One thing he couldn't forget though was the look of horror on her face when she thought he was in trouble. It gave him a sense of… hope.

Isabela docked the Siren in Llomerryn. What a surprise. It was a refuge for people like her. He shook his head and knew he shouldn't have thought like that. He had unintentionally become a member of her crew. Was he considered one of the immoral seeking something in the various market stands where he could find no where else? No. What he wanted was leaving the boat. "Congratulations." Fenris turned his head to see Isabela standing next to him.

"For what?" He asked.

"This is the first time she left the boat in almost a year," she told him, "Come on." She offered him a smile. "There's going to be some party tonight and I don't think you'll want to miss it."

He followed her off of the boat and deigned to walk the streets of the city. He tried to keep close to Raina as she bought various items from merchants. He watched a smile creep onto her face several times. Isabela had told him that she had barely done so before he came on board. The sense of hope had taken over again. It was still foreign to him and he was sure that he didn't deserve it. She managed to escape him towards the end of the day and that was when he decided to book a room in the local tavern called The Bending Basin. How very witty. He took the opportunity to rest and it wasn't until nightfall when he heard someone pounding on his door. Fenris went to answer it and found Isabela standing there. Her eyes wandered in the most obvious fashion. His manner screamed off limits. They had gone through this before. He brought a hand up and touched his bare chest. Oh. That.

"What?" He asked.

The pirate smirked. "The party, remember?"

Fenris shook his head. Silver hair fell in his vision. "I'm not in the mood."

Isabela pushed passed him. "I don't think your regular armor will suffice tonight," she started, "I bought you a shirt. Yes. I said bought. Consider it a gift. It's a fashion here." She pulled it out of her pack. It was black and he imagined that it would be loose fitting. There was a slit at the chest and he sighed. "Don't be such a _brooder_, Fenny." He made a face.

"Do not call me that."

"Then come out tonight, Fenny."

"Stop that."

"Stop what, Fenny?"

Fenris let out a groan. "Fine," he said and grabbed the shirt from her. He pulled it over his head. Surprisingly it fit. He looked at himself and then glanced at Isabela.

She brought up a hand and touched the side of her face, looking satisfied. "My," she started, "Do I know how to dress a man."

"Maybe you should learn how to dress yourself next," he teased, a small smile spread across his face.

She wiggled her hips slightly. "What?" She asked. She shrugged her shoulders. "Let's go, lover boy." Isabela led him out of his room and they left the tavern. They walked down the still crowded streets. It really was a city that never slept. "This way," she told him. Her voice had taken a singing like quality. They headed to the beaches where Fenris saw even more people around a bon fire.

Music floated through the air. The smell of different types of alcohol hit him like a wave. His nose scrunched slightly and felt like he was out of place. People turned and looked their way. Isabela sauntered through the crowd, demanding attention as he did so. She left his side and left him alone to navigate the crowds himself. He looked around for one person. It didn't take him long to find her. He watched as Raina danced around the fire. She looked like it was a place that she belonged. Her body moved with the melody of the music, twisting and contorting to command attention. He had seen her dance like that before in the Hanged Man. Grant it, she had a few mugs of ale in her but… well, he didn't know if it was the same situation. A small smile spread across his face as he watched her. One of the men stepped out of the dance and Fenris found himself joining.

The music slowed and he moved with Raina. They both raised their hands and their finger tips touched as they moved in a circle. Her hips swayed in hypnotizing ways. He moved his body to the music as he started to get into the dance. They raised their hands and clipped in mid air before they switched positions and their finger tips touched again as they repeated the dance with the others. The music quickened as did they. Fenris curled his fingers with hers and held her hand. He twirled Raina around and pulled her close before he lifted her up slightly. They moved together around the fire. The crowd watched them. Even some of those who had been dancing with them had stopped to become spectators. Raina pulled back and their finger tips touched again. They moved with the music as they switched hands. She twirled and Fenris caught her hand to pull her close again. Their faces were barely apart and in a heartbeat he knew that their lips could mesh together. He didn't want to over step any boundaries but the temptation was there. Oh, it was definitely there. Her blues eyes watched him and she almost looked as if she was daring him.

The music slowed and they came to a stop. "Fenris," she whispered his name as if was a delicate secret that had been only hers to keep.

He touched the side of her face. His fingers twirled in her dark hair before he leaned forward and kissed her forehead. "Thank you for the dance," he commented before he pulled back from her. He gave her a small bowed before he weaved back into the crowd. If she wanted him, she'd come after him.

**A/N:** _So from Rivain's descriptions, I think it was more like Old day Ireland. Well, in my opinion. So when you picture the dance, think of that! Lol To Anders fans, I know he's a little assy but its to be expected between the two since they didn't like each other. I'm a Anders fan too so don't hate me. :3  
_


	5. Burned

**A/N:** _Thanks for reading/subscribing/favoriting/reviewing. I enjoy the love. Fenris and Raina do as well. They'll tell you so with the smuttiness in the chapter. Fair disclosure before you read! Alright, so I said before that every chapter is alternating between Fenris and Ray but this one is half and half. Though it's mostly just Raina since it is her chapter. _

"Blank Shell"

_I wanna know after all these lessons learned  
If there's a road from these the bridges the we burned  
I need to know if you still want me  
Want to me show how much I need you_

_-"Don't Fight It" by 10 Years_

Her mind told her not to follow but it was her heart that ruled the juncture. It screamed at her to go. It longed for her to go. Isabela knew her too well. Maybe this was the closure that she needed. She couldn't…she couldn't put herself in the position to get hurt again. Raina watched as Fenris walked away from the crowd. Eyes had focused on her. It was her move next. She glanced around to find Isabela. Guidance was needed. Was it a fool's errand? No. The pirate would tell her just that. That saucy wink from her friend spoke in measures. She made a motion for Ray to go and go she did. She hurried to catch up with him. The further she got away from the party, the darker their surroundings seemed to be. The black sky was pin pricked with small white lines and a moon that offered a small escape from the dark. She saw him with his back turned to him.

"I didn't think you'd come," he told her. She didn't think that she would have done a lot of things but with her past record it seemed that it was in her nature to do things against her better judgment. He turned to face her. His body seemed to be more defined in the shirt he was wearing. It was a refreshing change from his spiky armor.

"Part of me thinks that I didn't have a choice," she said. She brought up a hand and pushed some hair out of her eyes. "Why couldn't you stay away?" Her voice had become nothing more than a haunting whisper before he closed the distance between the two of them. His light green eyes had taken a darker shade. He raised a hand and cupped the side of her face. His fingers lightly brushed against her hair as his thumb traced the contour of her lower lip.

"I've asked myself the same question," he admitted, "Festis bei umo canavarum." _You will be the death of me. _She had heard him tell her that many times before. Sometimes she could have told him the same thing. She threw her arms around his neck and pulled him close to her. She pressed her lips against his. His hands had found her hips and he held onto her tight. She broke the kiss to look at him. The hunger in his eyes was insatiable. It had been a long time since she had felt that gaze on her. Her hands moved from his neck, down his chest and finally to his shirt. Raina's fingers clumsily fumbled with the hem before they finally took grip and pulled it over his head.

The moonlight was vibrant against his lyrium tattoos. He had thought she would be disgusted by them when they first met but that had been far from the case.

"_Agreggio Pavali." Raina had been tempted to say 'bless you' as a response but she let Fenris continue. "There are six bottles in the cellar." He took a long gulp from the bottle. "Danarius use to have me pour it for his guests. My appearance intimidated them, he said, which he enjoyed." When she had first seen him, she had been fascinated. The mage part of her found him absolutely alluring, which she had cautioned herself but soon found that the attraction had been more than the want for anything that had to do with lyrium. The connection they shared. The bond they made even before they became lovers had been what she thought, unbreakable. _

"_I can't imagine why they would be put off," she told him in a small voice. He raised an eyebrow at her, amused that she would think so. He smirked slightly._

"_You say what's on your mind, I'll give you that." Was that approval she heard in his voice? Perish the thought. _

The straps of her dress slipped off of her shoulder. Fenris tugged at the strings in the front and it slipped off. Raina watched as his eyes widened slightly. Oh. She had almost forgotten about the tattoo just above her lady part. It was an elaborate design of handwriting. "What does it say?" He asked. His trailed a finger over the dark ink and she felt herself shudder as a sensation rolled down her spine.

"Merill says that it says 'the path of the heart lies within'," Raina told him. She felt herself blush. "It's Dalish. I thought it was nice at the time…considering…" Considering that she had gotten it after they escaped from Kirkwall to Rivain.

Fenris smirked. "And you got it there?"

Raina sighed and leaned into him. "It seemed appropriate at the time," she replied. She leaned upwards on the tips of her toes. "Are you just going to admire the tattoo and nothing else?" She whispered into his ear. She nipped lightly at his earlobe and heard a small growl escape him. Satisfied, she kissed his neck and her lips traveled down his jaw line.

Fenris took her hand and led her to the ground. The sand shifted underneath of them as she straddled the elf. Her knees locked around him and her fingers found the silver strands of his hair before she gave it a tug. Their lips in a more feverish manner as she felt Fenris's hands started to wander. He rolled over to where he was on top and she underneath him. His fingers entered her, coaxing her body to be ready for what was to come. Her hips bucked against his hand. His lips found her breasts, exposed from the removal of her dress. She gripped harder onto his hair as he nipped at her sensitive area. She wrapped her legs around him and her boots dug into his side. "The boots," she moaned. It would have been effortless in any other occasion to remove them but the way her touched her distracted her from thinking about anything else. She felt as if she could explode. He still knew what it took to drive her absolutely mad. He stroked and caressed her. It felt like there had been no time that passed between their times together.

"Keep them on," he ordered. Her hands made way down to the top of his pants and she laced her fingers inside to find his swell. One hand wrapped around his shaft and started to stroke. Raina could hear his breathing hitch and she recognized the sound that escaped his lips begging for more. Her back arched and she could feel him smirk against her bare skin.

His lips trailed her chest before they found hers. "I don't know how much longer I can last," she told him, "And you are over dressed." He wiggled out of his pants and without a warning he removed his fingers to thrust himself inside of her.

* * *

Fingers clawed his skin. Their bodies had found a rhythm together after several attempts to slowly tease her. She wanted him in his fullness and that was what she got. The way she mewled in his ear was enough to drive any man crazy. Fenris felt the urge to mark his possession and his teeth sunk into her shoulder. Raina let out a surprised sound but she didn't protest. She was his. He knew that he should've come to that realization before but it was better late than never, wasn't it? She cried out his name as he quickened his pace. She held him close with her arms, afraid to let him go. He wasn't going anywhere. Not this time. He felt her tighten against him. He slowed his pace as he wanted their moment together to last for as he could.

"_What will you do?"_

_Fenris crossed his arms in front of his body as he turned to look at his mother. "I will fight for it," he told her simply. That was the best thing that he could offer her. Her emerald green eyes looked at him, searching for more of an answer. She looked away when she realized that she wasn't going to get it. _

"_Why?" She asked him quietly. Such worry. He never liked to see her that way. She nervously fumbled with her hands. Her fingers curled against the fabric of her dress. _

"_I wouldn't see you in this life anymore, Mother," he told her, "You and Varania deserve to be free." She looked at him them. The deep color of her eyes were crystal brimmed with tears that threatened to fall down her lovely features. _

"_And what of you? Do you even know what you're getting into?" She asked. Her motherly tone had taken over. He felt like he was a child under her gaze and scrutinizing voice. He gave her a small smile. He was their protector and he would do what he could. If it meant giving up his life, then so be it. _

"_It doesn't matter," he told her, "He will grant any boon I request and that is my final wish." _

"_Don't lose yourself in the process, Leto."_

Their bodies collided together and they were spent. Her chest heaved against him and there was a dreamy look in her eyes. He wouldn't leave. He was going to stop running. She turned her head away from him. Was he the one that he needed to worry about leaving? He caught his breath and steadied it to normal breathing. Fenris pulled himself out of Raina and collapsed next to her. His head pounded. The lyrium etched into his skin tingled in a raw, almost scraping kind of sensation. Memories had come back to him but he could control it. He would this time. The sand was coarse against his skin and when he lifted himself to prop his body up by his elbow he noticed that her pale skin had taken a darker hue from the sand clinging to her. He touched her arm and she finally looked at him. She was crying. Raina wiped her tears away and he didn't speak. She gave him a small smile before she sat up and headed to the sea to cleanse herself off.

He was going to need a long, hot bath. "Well, that was a show." Fenris cringed and pulled his clothes over his…manly bits so Isabela couldn't make things more awkward than they already were.

"What kind of woman watches her friends have a rut?" He asked her.

"Oh ho!" Isabela exclaimed and laughed, "Are we friends now Fenris?"

"You know what I meant," he said, "How long were you there?" He didn't turn to look at her.

"I only made it for the finale, sadly," she replied. He heard her move behind him. "Don't break her heart again."

With that, he sensed that she was gone. Fenris's eyes went to find the shadowed body of Raina in the ocean. The waves crashed against her and she wrapped her arms around her body. He wondered what she was thinking about…or who.

* * *

It was terrible of her to leave him there by himself but she needed a moment. She dove into the water and resurfaced in seconds. She could only imagine what he was thinking. Why did she care? She was only doing what he had done to her. Well, technically. She didn't have it in her to completely walk away. Maker forbid that she could do something like that for once in her life. Even her times with Isabela on the sea hadn't hardened her enough to that point. She glanced back at the shore and saw Fenris was still lying on the sand. She had half expected him to leave. Why? Why did things have to be like this?

"_Whatever happens, know that it will be on my head," Anders told her. She didn't understand what was going on and why he was saying things like that. "I love you and I wanted you to know that." She eyed him for a moment._

"_I know," she told him, "Why are you talking like this?" _

"_You're the most important thing in my life," he told her. She cringed despite herself. He was going to leave her. He was saying good bye. Why did the ones she loved always leave? "But some things matter more than my life. More than either of us… I… I'm sorry."_

"_You're wrong," she whispered, "Nothing is more important than love." That had been the one lesson that her mother had taught her. It had been the most important one. If you could defend those you loved, then what was the worth in living?_

"_I told you that I would break your heart," he told her. She looked away from him. It was happening all over again. "Just know that it breaks mine to do it." He… Raina shook her head. She couldn't listen to this anymore. She turned to leave but he caught her wrist as he tried to keep her there. "I was hoping we'd find a better way," he continued, "But Justice and Vengeance are too intertwined. I can't tell one from the other anymore. You were the one shining light in my life."_

_She took her wrist back from him. She wanted to call him a liar. She wanted to freeze his ass right then and there. But she said nothing. She did nothing. All she could do was walk away._

Raina made her way back to the coast line and saw Fenris was already dressed. He handed over her clothes and she put her dress back on. "Is there anything you wish to discuss?" He asked. She hesitated. There was plenty. They both knew that. Stubbornness threatened to take over.

"Nothing," she responded.

He was hurt by her response. She wanted to hug him but held back. "Raina," he started, "That can't possibly be true."

She bit her lower lip. "I've been burned by love twice," she told him. "I'm not eager to get burned again."

**A/N:** _There's going to be a small time jump in the next chapter. Just a heads up so no one gets confused. __They're making progress, slowly but surely. I don't want to rush it. But knowing me, I'm going to disrupt that soon enough. But that's all I'm saying! ;3_


	6. Loss

**A/N:** _Thanks for reading/subscribing/favoriting/reviewing. Reviews are awesome. They feed the fire that is called inspiration. ;3 So, Raina's past choices have caught up to her. Remember, slight time jump. This chapter is a shared one. Lmfao fyi, these Fenris stories have made me realize how different my music taste is. Just sayin. This is my second attempt to upload because the story wouldn't update.  
_

"Blank Shell"

_If I could see the future and how this plays out  
I bet it's better than where we are now  
But after going through this  
It's easier to see the reason why_

_-"No Surprise" by Daughtry_

Raina turned her head to stare at the wall that separate her room from Fenris's. It had been several months since their tryst together but it still felt like yesterday. She knew she should speak with him. After their time together she had expected him to leave again but to her surprise he had included himself in Isabela's crew. He had even gone as far as to make friends with some of the members, which had been something she bitterly didn't think was possible. The pirate queen had found him useful and had fully encouraged her to speak with him but Raina had been stubborn. It was a Hawke trait, what could she say? She had made up her mind as she felt herself start to drift into the Fade. She was going to speak with him in the morning, put her heart on the table. If he was willing to change, then it was only fair for her to do the same thing. A small smile spread across her features before she found herself immersed in the Fade.

It had taken her years but Raina had sufficiently learned how to navigate through the Fade. In all honesty, she had been looking for someone. She paused as she wondered if that was the right phrase for who she was looking for. "I know you're listening," she called out. Why was she even looking for him? Was it for some kind of closure? Logically, that door was closed long ago but if he and Anders were truly one, who else would have a better insight to what was going on in the head of her former lovers? The only thing that she feared was finding Vengeance, not Justice. She brought up a hand and scratched the back of her neck. Her attempts were useless. He wasn't going to show up. Raina continued the last of the paths to a dead end where she found a dark haired man waiting for her. She eyes him carefully and readied her staff. "Who are you? You don't seem like a spirit or demon…" Her voice trailed off as the man turned to face her. The familiar markings of the Fade in the man's skin and blue light burning through his eyes was enough to tell her.

"You've been looking for me," it was more of a statement than a question from him. The voice matched what she remembered.

"I see you've found another body to inhabit," she said. She used her words cautiously. From her experiences with spirits, it was the best thing that she could do. Justice simply shrugged one shoulder. It was a gesture that she was use to seeing with Anders. Of course anyone could do it in simple conversation but it was just the manner of him doing so that had gotten to her.

"Temporarily," he replied, "This vessel is merely insurance." He was calmer than she remembered.

"I've been looking for you for years," she shot back, "And this is the first time you think to do this?" Justice shook his head and moved to step closer to her.

"Yes," he told her, "I know you would like nothing more than to strike me down. In this mortal's body, this mage's body, I am safe. You would not dare to make a mage tranquil." He was right. He had been there when she had that choice.

"I didn't know a spirit would hold such things against a person," she retorted.

"Only with you Hawke, only with you." Had she heard a bit of Anders in his voice or was that just her imagination? "Tell me why you have been looking for me."

"I wanted to ask you about Anders…" She wouldn't cry.

"I did not understand his obsession with you at first," he started. Anders. She felt herself flinch. "But you are strong." He started to pace around her. She stood still but kept her eyes on him. "But I wonder how much so." Was he playing games with her? She for one…did not like games.

"What are you playing at, spirit?"

"I've shown myself to you after so long because I have come to warn you."

"Warn me?" She tilted her head to the side for a moment. "Warn me from what?" This conversation wasn't what she had in mind when she sought him out but she wondered if it was the best that she was going to get.

"Wake up," he told her, "Wake up before it's too late."

* * *

Raina's eyes shot open and the sight that fell upon her wasn't one she had ever expected to see again. The templar armor use to strike fear in a mage until what Anders had done, until she defended them in Kirkwall. After all, it wasn't Anders name that the mages cried in battle. "You!" She hissed, "What in the Maker's name are you doing _here_?" His putrid blond facial hair was long than she remembered. The hair on top of his head had been thinning and he looked worse for wear. She had ignored what she and Anders had started for as long as she could and now it seemed that her choices had caught up with her. He clamped a hand over her mouth.

"I told you that I would pay you back for lying to me, _mage_," he spat, "I didn't believe it was you but now that I see the truth, you will learn your lesson before the Maker."

* * *

The sun had drifted into his room and Fenris opened his eyes to the warmth spreading across his face. He yawned slightly. This had been the longest that they had ever stayed in one place for as long as he had been on the Siren. He had never been to Ferelden before. Denerim was a foreign place to him and Maker, everyone had been right, the country did smell like wet dog. But never mind that, he had it in his mind to ask Raina to show him around, maybe they could visit her old home in Lothering to see how the rebuilding process was going. He couldn't recall if she had ever she had ever mentioned being in Denerim before but he would do _anything_ to get out of the Pearl. The fact that Isabela insisted that they stayed there had made sense to him for them to be able to lay low for Raina sake but what she had failed to tell him was that the place was a whore house.

He got up and dressed in his old armor before he headed down to the bar area where he met half of the crew and Isabela. The sultry goddess had entered the same time he had and looked very satisfied. "Sleep well?" She asked as she smirked slightly at him. Fenris shook his head.

"I always get better sleep on solid land," he replied.

Isabela waved him off. "Oh nonsense," she scoffed, "You just have no sense of mucking about, living on the edge. Where is your sense of adventure, Fenny?" It was starting not to bother him so much when she called him that. He opened his mouth to reply but she held up a hand. "If you give me a speech about how you lived while running from Tevinter, I am going to hit you." Fenris shut his mouth but not without letting out a small laugh first. "Anyways, where is our lovely Ray? She's usually the first up."

"How should I know? I don't keep her leash," he replied.

"Oh there goes my little fantasy," she teased. Her eyebrows furrowed together for a moment. "Go check on her, will you?" He gave her a mocking salute before he went to Raina's room.

He knocked on the door gently and waited. Patience was not a virtue for Fenris. He listened for any noises that could emerge. Nothing. He knocked again, this time with a little more force than before. He hoped to hear a grumble or maybe even a yell to tell him to go away but nothing. His eyebrows creased together and he opened the door. Didn't that woman know better? He found himself in the middle of an empty room when he realized that she hadn't been there…and probably hadn't been there for a long time. No. She wouldn't have left. He looked around for a sign of what happened. He would have accepted anything, any clue. The Maker was toying with him and he hated it. He noted that she left all of her stuff, even her staff. Damn it, she wouldn't have left without that. He was sure something had happened. Fenris spun on his heels and hurried down the stairs back to where Isabela was sitting.

"Well?" The Rivaini asked.

"She's not there." He tried not to let his voice waver but he was sure it shook slightly. The dark skinned woman narrowed her eyes at him. It was like she was ready to throw any accusation at him. It wasn't his fault…this time.

"What do you mean she's not there?"

"It looks as if she left. Her bed isn't made. There wasn't a sign of any struggle. It doesn't make sense."

Isabela waved him off. "I'm sure she's fine," she replied, "You know with the…" She wiggled her fingers. "…And all." She leaned back in her chair and smiled. "Have a seat. Relax. She's probably spending some time with one of the boys." His eyes narrowed at her. "Hey! Just kidding. Take a joke."

"I don't joke," he replied. They knew better but he never joked when it came to pressing matters… especially when it came to Raina's well being. He knew he never showed it before. He knew he left, but her well being had been the reason for him doing so. So many words had gone unsaid between them. They would not end like this.

"I know where she is…" It was a small voice that spoke up. Fenris turned to see a boy there. He couldn't have been more than seventeen. What was he doing in a place like this? "The dark haired mistress, correct? Wearing that red dress that-" The boy made a motion with his hands that made an air example of large breasts. Fenris raised his hand to smack the crude boy but Isabela was out of her chair and grabbed his hand. What did she think she was doing?

"Don't," she told him, "He's just a boy." He sighed and let his hand drop back down to his side.

"Where is she?" The elf asked.

"I was paid to keep quiet. You know, a man has to find a way to make a living somehow with all the sovereigns in the city go to taxes to fund Queen Anora's army. I'll tell you for two sovereigns." He was trying to wager with them? Fenris felt his anger flare. It was like he was back in Kirkwall all over again.

"You expect me to pay you after you sold her out?" He yelled. He didn't care about the attention that it brought but Isabela did. She moved in front of him and gave the boy what he asked for.

"Buy yourself a hot meal," she told him, "Now be a good lad and tell us where she is."

"I saw a group of Templars come from her room that way. Mistress Sanga wasn't around. That's how they got in through the back. She was knocked out cold. One of thems was carrying her," the boy replied.

"Did one of the men look like her?" Fenris found himself asking. The boy shook his head 'no.' He wondered what Carver would do when he found out. Correction, if he found out, and if he even cared. "Do you know where they went?"

"They went north, that's all I know," he replied.

Isabela ruffled the boys light hair and shooed him off. She sighed as she faced Fenris. "Shit," she started. That was his sentiment as well. "Templars. This is bad. I was sure they wouldn't find us here." Her eyebrows furrowed together. How could this have happened?

"Do you think we've been followed?" He asked.

"They must've figured that she'd return here some time," Isabela replied, "I didn't think they'd actually come here but it seemed her reputation precedes her."

"Isn't there anything we can do? Damn it. I'm going after them."

"Fenris don't be too hasty. We need a plan."

He snarled at her. "A plan? When have you ever been good with those? You say you're her friend. Act like it."

"Act like it?" She yelled. "Damn it I was there when you broke her heart! I was there to pick up the pieces after Anders pulled that shit on her! Don't talk to _me _about friendship." The blame game had already started. They were both trying to hurt each other. "I'm sorry." She lifted her hand and touched his shoulder. "Look I'll use some connections to get more information. We'll find her Fenris. They couldn't have gone far." All he could do was nod his head before she left. It killed him to wait, but he knew she was right. The things they could be doing to her… Fenris let out a loud growl and his closed fist bore down onto a table top before she split the wood in half. Whispers erupted around the room before he went outside. He'd pay for that later.

True to her word, within the hour, Isabela met him outside. "Did you find anything?" He asked.

"You'll never believe this," she started. _Try me,_ he thought. "You remember when we helped Thrask and those mages from Starkhaven?"

"Vaguely."

"Well the Templar that he was trying to stop from slaughtering the whole bunch? Ser Kerras? He was in the city. He's been asking about a woman with Raina's description. It's got to be him. I bet my ship that if we find him, we'll find her."

"Where do we start?" He asked.

"They've left the city but the group of them was last seen heading for Lake Calenhad," she told him, "I've got some of the boys going with us. If we go, this is going to be big."

"Why? What's there?" He glanced to the side where he saw a group of the Raiders arriving with horses.

Isabela gave him a grim smile. "Why Fenris," she started, "It's the last Circle Tower that is under Templar control. I believe they're going to make an example out of her."

Fear gripped his heart. "Then we ride fast."


	7. Hurt

**A/N:** _The muse is spewing out. Lol I appreciate all the reviews, the alerts, the favoriting, and all that jazz. You guys are wonderful, but I'm sure you already know that. Warning, this chapter is dark and really has some M content in it with controversial topics. It even made me uncomfortable writing about it but I will defend it by saying that I feel this had to happen and you'll see why. This will definitely make it a comfort fic. –sighs- Don't hate me too much._

"Blank Shell"

_You could be my someone  
You could be my scene  
You know that I'll protect you  
From all of the obscene_

_-"Blurry" by Puddle of Mudd_

It was the heat of flames that woke her up. Raina gasped for air and rolled in the opposite direction of the fire. Mindless chatter filled her ears and she couldn't make out a word. She winced as she tried to heal herself but it didn't work. It only made her throw up. Acid worked its way up her throat and she spit out bile. Laughter echoed around her. The ground swayed in her vision. She knew what happened, she had been poisoned.

"Make sure she's going to live at least until we get her to a healer."

"We should have just knocked her out."

"She would have fought us."

"Yeah, we'd be dead."

"But did we really have to poison her?"

Could they just stop talking? There were so many voices. Her fingers dug into the ground. She needed to get it out of her system, so she made herself throw up again. Her chest heaved and her body shivered. Laughter erupted again and someone touched her. "Ah, get up," the man said. She pointed her hand at the man and casted a fire spell. Thanks to the swaying ground, her vision and aim had been a little off. "You missed me."

Raina sniffed the air. "Not by much," she growled. She was going to kill them… all of them. "Would you like me to try again?"

A blunt force hit her in her ribs. She swore she felt something crack. A small groan escaped her. Pain rushed to her in waves. She could feel her powers slowly draining from her from a trick the Templars had up their sleeves. Would Isabela know she was missing? Would Fenris? Would he even care? "You're lucky," that was a voice she recognized. Ser Kerras loomed over her. "We need you for an example for the mages, otherwise you'd be dead."

"Why?" Raina managed to get out. "I sided with the Templars in the end!"

Fingers gripped her hair and her head jerked upwards. "Only because your lover turned against you," he spat at her, "You are not a friend to either side. No one will save you. No one."

Scenes like that repeated during their travels. She had several attempted escapes but they always caught her. They mocked her. If she was the great Champion of Kirkwall, couldn't she escape a handful of Templars? If she could defeat the Arishok, couldn't she cast one tiny spell correctly? Unlike them, the Arishok respected fairness in a battle. If they hadn't poisoned her, she would have taken them to the Void and beyond.

Where were they going? Where were they?

Raina pushed herself away from the Templar holding her and spit out more bile that had worked its way up her throat. The poison was still lingering. She couldn't walk without aide. Frequent blanks had entered her memory. Where were they taking her? Days had faded from her memory. She still felt sick to her stomach. "We are here…" Why was he speaking to her again? Kerras grabbed her by her hair again. Her hands shot up to his. She set fire to his flesh to give herself a moment. The smell of burning skin was putrid but necessary. Satisfaction hit as she heard him scream. She tried to run but someone else grabbed her. That's when she saw where they were. The view of Ferelden's Circle of Magi hit her like a brick.

"No," she protested. Fear struck her. That was the last place she had ever wanted to be. Any Circle was the last place she wanted to be. "No!" She was pushed toward the small pier. She saw the boat. "No!" She cried again and struggled to get away. She attempted to put up a force field but it didn't work. She attempted mind blast but it only gave her a headache. The Templars threw her onto the boat. She knew they had defected from the Chantry. She wondered what the Divine would have said seeing her men fall so far. Then again, the finger of blame might have been pointed at her for that one. Hot tears streamed down her face as the boat pushed off from the dock. She wondered what would happen if she flung herself off the boat. Would they attempt to save her just for their plot? Would they just let her drown? Maker let it be so. She was too weak, too sick to keep herself from not drowning. She just knew that she would have died if it was her choice instead of go inside of the damned tower. They were going to make her tranquil. She was sure of it.

Death was welcomed. She moved to fling herself off the boat but she was pulled down. "Oh, no you don't," Kerras said. His fingers dug into shoulders as he set her down in front of him. She wouldn't cry again. She wouldn't give them the satisfaction. The boat pulled to the coast of the island that the tower had been built on and they moved her out. She fought to escape again and one of them hit her. They would see her beaten and bruised before they ever let her go. Did Carver know what they were doing? How could he possibly have known? He was in Kirkwall. Then again, Kerras had been from Kirkwall as well. How long had she been followed?

Raina felt herself be thrown on the cold stone floor of the tower. "Please," she begged for it to end.

"Men, leave me," the Templar ordered. The door shut behind them and she scooted away. She ever heard the latch lock. He came after her and pinned her to the floor. She tried to push him away, using every ounce of energy that she had to use any spell to get him away. Her hands clawed against his face and she pressed one against his cheek using a flame spell to burn him in hopes that would make him stop. No. It only made him angrier. He hit her again, over and over until she couldn't see.

"Coward!" She spat at him and he pushed her face against the stone as he turned her over. Cloth ripped. "Get off of me!" She screamed. He pulled her hair back and smashed her head against the ground. So much for his Templar vows… she felt him push himself inside of her. She cried out in pain. The vile creature let out guttural sounds as he moved in and out. The act in itself was ugly and she would forever be scarred but it had been quick. Several moments of forcing himself into her and he was done. Kerras pushed himself off of her and cleaned himself. Raina curled into a ball. She felt like her innards were going to explode. Bile left her again. It dripped out of the corner of her mouth and she didn't bother to wipe it away.

A small laugh escaped Kerras. "I've always wanted to know what that was like," he said. She didn't care. The door opened and she listened as he walked out of the room.

"What happened?" One of the Templars asked.

"Call a healer." Couldn't they hear the screams?

The door shut again and she cried. She cried until the tears refused to come. She didn't hear when the door opened again. "Makers Breath there's so much blood," it was a new voice.

"No," she begged, "Leave me be. Please…no more."

"I'm here to help you…" It was a womans voice but she found no comfort in it.

"Just let me die."

The woman paused. "I can't," she told her. The Templars would kill her. She felt hands on her again and she flinched. "Ssh. It's ok. I'm just going to heal you. Make it better."

"Nothing will make this better," Raina replied. She didn't even want to look at her face. She didn't want to see who was helping her. She refused to associate any act of kindness in that tower. She recognized the warm sensation of healing from when Anders had helped her so long ago.

"Oh my…" She heard the woman whisper. "Did you…did you know?"

It was then that Raina finally looked at her. There had been a striking resemblance to her but she refused to acknowledge it. Nothing good would come out of it. "Know what?"

"You were… I don't know how to tell you this but you were with child…" No. She would have known. She was a liar. The woman was a demon sent to taunt her in this Maker forsaken place. She pushed away from the healer.

"You lie," she hissed. Her breath caught in her throat as a lump formed. She choked on it as she tried to gasp for air. She gave in to crying again._ Oh Fenris… _How could he ever forgive her? "I…You said were…"

"I'm sorry," the woman told her, "What they gave you…what he did…There's nothing that I can do." Raina understood. The mage offered her herbs. "It will stop the poison." Did she have anything to stop the pain? She chewed on the leaves and swallowed before she curled into a ball again. "May I ask you something?"

"Why not?" Raina countered bitterly. She was going to die anyways. "What more could you people want out of me?"

"Are you really the Champion of Kirkwall?"

"Yes." What was the use of lying? "Please. I don't want to talk more of it."

"I'm your…"

Raina's head whipped around to look at her. "I said I don't want to talk more of it!" She screamed. The womans eyes widened. If she was smart, she wouldn't say anything else. Raina figured that she should have thanked her for her help, but she didn't. She couldn't bring herself to. The healer walked away and she was alone again. It was an empty feeling. She wanted her mother more than anything. It had been years since her murder but those wounds were still fresh. She wanted Carver, just to have someone to argue with. She wanted… Raina closed her eyes.

She didn't enter the Fade that night. She slept a dreamless sleep. She slept the type of sleep that when you wake up, you feel like you hadn't slept at all. That had been the case when someone busted into her room. She let out a small cry. Not again, Maker please, not again. She wouldn't survive it. The poison had yet to make its way fully out of her system and the knowledge of her loss… She had no words to describe how it made her feel. Where there words that could help one say such a thing? "Sister!" No… Someone scooped her into their arms. She didn't want to be touched. "I'm so sorry. I didn't know it was you. I didn't realize…" She curled her hands into fists and pounded against his breast plate. "Raina please…"

"You bastard!" She cried. She didn't know if she was yelling at him or just to yell for the sake of yelling. "This place is playing tricks on my mind. This isn't you! It couldn't be you! Get away from me."

"Please believe me, I wouldn't have let this happen if I had known it was you…" He had a pleading look in his eyes. The Carver she knew wouldn't have approved of such acts. She knew he had been Knight-Captain which meant his vows had gone through. Wasn't he supposed to be in Kirkwall? Wasn't he supposed to be rebuilding? There had been so many questions that ran through her mind but she couldn't articulate any of them.

"Let go of me," she demanded. It was the only thing she could say. "You are no brother of mine." Well, and that too.

Carver looked like he had been slapped in the face. "Ray…"

"Stop!" She yelled. Raina covered her ears with her hands. "I will hear no more of you!" He touched her again and she kicked him. Could he understand she didn't want to be touched? "How could you let this happen? You…do you really hate me that much?" He was crying. She had never seen him cry before. Slow tears rolled down his skin. _Betrayer, _she wanted to yell. She wanted to hurt him like she had been hurt. "That healer told me that I was…" She couldn't say it. "I lost…" Still couldn't.

"Who was it?" He asked. His voice had become stone cold.

"Carver…"

"Who was it?" He demanded again. Raina put a hand over her mouth and slowly let it drop.

"What do you care?"

"Who was it?" He was going to leave her. She didn't want Carver to leave. She'd be alone again.

"Ser Kerras," she told him.

She watched as her brother pulled out his sword. She scrambled to her feet but fell back to her knees. The door had been swung open and her brothers' heavy footsteps echoed in the halls. Still bloodied and broken, she made her way to the doorway and peered around the corner in time to see her brother run his sword through the bastard. Men shouted. Blood came out in spurts from Kerras's mouth. No healer would save him. No man moved to strike against her brother. She wondered if Justice was smiling down upon her in the Fade.

**A/N:** _I didn't mean to have Carver come out that way. It's just… he seemed more assy to me when he joined the Templars than he did when he went to the Wardens. Well, at least he got justice in the end?_


	8. Recover

**A/N:** _I have to admit, this is becoming one of my favorite stories that I've written. Lol Every chapter even keeps surprising ME. I'm glad you guys are enjoying it though. Thanks for all the alerts, the favorite notices, and reviews. I hope I replied to them all. I know it's supposed to be a Fenris chapter but Ray wanted to come out too. Hope you enjoy! –cough- Yes, Stephanie it's another Florence song. xD_

"Blank Shell"

_The shattered soul  
Following close but nearly twice as slow  
In my good times  
There were always golden rocks to throw  
At those who admit defeat too late  
Those were our times, those were our times_

_-"Postcards From Italy" by Florence and the Machine_

Raina retreated back into the room she was placed in and found an odd solace in the spot against the wall she had curled against. Footsteps got louder as they echoed her way. She felt herself flinch and the sight of Carver offered her no reprieve. He closed the door behind him and knelt down in front of her. His tear stained cheeks glistened in the low lit room. "I don't think I've ever seen you cry," she said to him. Carver shook his head. "Are they tears for me? Or tears for your fallen order?"

"How can you even ask which one?" He countered. "The healer seemed to do her job. I… I don't know what to say."

"Then don't say anything. Just leave me be."

"I can't," he told her, "I don't know what they intended with you but no one will speak now that Kerras is dead. I would not have him live after what he did to you."

"Carver Hawke… the mage protector," Raina said sarcastically, "I never thought I would see the day."

"You're more than just a mage to me, sister," he told her, "You know I only joined because I was mad at you… but now I'm trying to make things better. I can't believe a Templar would do this. It goes against our vows. It goes against the Maker."

"Well, they're not better," she said, "And what did you expect? You and Cullen are the only ones trying to hold on to your order. The world is changing. It was changing even before what Anders did." She sniffed and wiped away threatening tears. "To the Templars, a mage is a danger to the world and we all need to be put down. That much, Anders had been right about."

"Well, for some, it's true."

"Oh?" Raina shot back bitterly. "Is that what you think of me? Of father? Of Bethany?"

"No," Carver started and scowled, "Not every mage is like you though, sister."

"Not every Templar is like you, brother. Most have forgone their vows. I've seen enough of the world to know while you stayed cooped up in Kirkwall."

"I'm sad to see that is true." They looked at each other for a few moments. Their sibling rivalry had hit its maximum point while they had been in Kirkwall. Sometimes Raina wondered if he was the same Carver she knew or if he was a completely different man entirely.

"What are you even doing here?" She asked him.

"I came to find a mage who would take over as First Enchanter," he said, "Your healer told me what had happened. When she had said the words 'champion' and 'Kirkwall,' I knew it was you. I had to find you."

Her whole body felt numb. "Did you also know that they wanted to kill me?" By the look on his face, he hadn't known.

"I'm going to try to get you out of here." That was something she hadn't expected to hear from him. "Somehow." His eyebrows creased together. Raina lifted a hand and poked the spot in between them to stop the worried look on his face. "I won't let this ever happen to you again." She said nothing. "Where have you been this whole time?"

"Everywhere," she responded, "I've been all over Thedas with Isabela." That was all he needed to know.

"How is she?"

"Do you really want to know?" The conversation felt like it was going in circles. Raina didn't want to talk anymore but Carver wanted to play catch up. She understood but that moment was not the time.

"I'll stay silent then." Oh, what a feat. She didn't want to fight with him. She was tired. She wanted to sleep. Her instincts told her to stay awake and alert in this place but she believed her brother when he said that he wouldn't let anything happen to her.

"You won't leave me, will you?"

"Never again, sister." She nodded slowly and he moved to sit next to her. He lifted up his arm and she leaned against him. Her eyes closed and she fell asleep without experiencing the fear that she had in the past few years.

* * *

Fenris saw the Circle Tower on Lake Calenhad from miles away. The sun was setting in the horizon and by the time they got there, he knew that they would have the advantage of the night on their side. _We're coming,_ he thought. He glanced over at Isabela who winked at him before she kicked her heels into the sides of her horse and raced ahead of their group. He followed as fast as he could. He had never ridden a horse before. He had seen plenty in the Imperium that toted trader wagons but that was as far as his relationship went with such a beast. He whispered Tevinter to it and the beasts speed seemed to pick up. A small smile spread across his face but faded quickly. She was still alive, he knew it. She had to be.

Once they got to the docks near the Spoiled Princess, their little group hesitated. "There's no boat," one of the men said. Isabela pulled her hair up and glanced back at them.

"Ready for a little swim, boys?" She asked before she dove into the water.

Fenris cursed under his breath. It was going to be difficult in his armor, if not near impossible. He was aware. He wondered just how deep the water was but as Isabela got ahead of him, a small growl escaped his lips and he dove in after her. Soon the others followed. They didn't have a plan about how to get in. They were going to get killed, but Fenris had never felt so…_alive._ The rush was enough to get his adrenaline pumping and knowing that this could be something that closed the deal between him and Raina was just satisfying. Don't get him wrong, he knew that they had their problems, but this would show he hadn't abandoned her. He wouldn't abandon her. He was meant to be by her side. He was just sorry that he hadn't realized it sooner.

He watched as Isabela pulled herself out of the lake. His wet gauntlets dug into the muddy ground as he pulled himself out. He shook his head to dry his hair as best as he could and then turned to help the others out of the water. He turned his head to the pirate queen who was studying the tower. "How do you propose we get in?" He asked.

She shrugged her shoulders. "Ever try thinking on your feet?" She asked and went up to the entrance. Maker, no… "Hello!" Isabela called. "Is anyone home?" She pounded on the door. Fenris sighed. He would have wanted a more tactical approach but if this worked…well, he would buy Isabela a drink later. He turned to look at the Raiders.

"Draw your weapons." They nodded to the order and the screech of the doors being opened echoed through the air.

"State your business, woman," he heard someone say. Fenris drew his sword. Two hands gripped onto the hilt and he looked to see Isabela let her lady bits out.

"I needed a place to dry off," he heard her reply, "I think I took a wrong turn in the lake. Oh? Like what you see, big boy? Well." She whistled. "That makes the two of us. Hey, what do you say? Let me in and I'll help you give me a good _drying._" The next thing that they heard was the gurgle of a man's throat being slit. "Coast is clear!"

Fenris shook his head as he moved next to her. Bela tucked her breasts back into her dress. "I have no words," he told her. She smirked.

"I usually have that affect."

They made their way through the entrance. The Raiders drew their bows and took down Templars. Fenris and Isabela cut threw anyone who got in their way until they came upon someone that they recognized. "You!" Fenris yelled.

"What in the Maker's name is going on?" Carver demanded as he walked out of a room. His mouth hung open slightly. "These men… Did you have to kill them? Their crimes should have been brought to the courts…"

Fear struck Fenris. "Crime?" He asked and closed in the space between him and the youngest Hawke. "We know they brought Raina here. Where is she? Did you have something to do with this? She is your sister!" Before he realized what he was doing, his arm was halfway through Carver's chest. The man howled and squirmed.

"Fenris! Stop!" Was that Isabela? Or was that… He pulled his hand out and Carver fell to his knees. That's when he saw her. His hardened features softened and he rushed by her side.

"Are you hurt? What did they do to you?"

Raina stared up at him. Her eyes had seemed empty. "They…" she lost her voice in a choking sob. He had never seen her like that. To watch her crumble was worse than leaving her. He shook his head and drew his arms around her.

"Ssh," he tried to comfort her. Was he even good at something like that? He turned his head to glance back at Carver. The Templar seemed like he was going to live. "What did they do?" He asked. The man narrowed his eyes at him.

"They…Ser Kerras raped her." Carver made a face at him as a feral snarl escaped the elf. "I killed him. Don't worry." He shook his head. "Since when have you cared?" He asked, "Last I remember, you left her in a devastating pool of shame and now you rush to play her protector?"

"It's better than what you could do," Fenris argued, "You don't even have your order under control and you see what they do?"

"I didn't know," Carver responded, "I didn't know it was her."

"Even if it wasn't, you would let another go through such a thing?"

"I didn't know what they would do!"

"Then the fault lies with you as well."

"I know."

"Oh, won't the both of you just stop it already?" Isabela snapped.

Both men fell into silence and Raina pushed herself slightly back from him. "I'm sorry, Fenris," she told him. He looked at her, confused about what she should be apologizing for. "I didn't know that I was…" Her features fell as she struggled to keep herself together. "I was poisoned and it…" What was she saying? "Oh Maker, we were going to be parents. I lost the baby. The poison killed it. That was what the healer told me. I didn't know. I…" Her words were lost on him. _I didn't know. _The words rung in his head and drove him crazy. Him? A father? It was such a foreign concept, he had trouble believing it. But that didn't matter anymore, did it? The child was lost. It would never know the world. The pain that struck his chest had been the same pain he imagined his victims had felt when he ripped their hearts out. "I'm sorry," he heard her again. Fenris shook his head.

"I…" What? What could he say? He just held her close.

"Shit," he heard Isabela mumble. Indeed.

"I'm going to speak with the Knight Commander here," Carver spoke up, "An investigation will be held. The men who worked with Kerras will be detained. The rest…well you lot handled that. Harrith will not be happy to know his men are dead. I…" Even he struggled to find something to say. "I will let him know that you all are not to be harmed. Isabela, you might want to send your Raiders back to the mainland." Fenris didn't look at the Knight Captain as he gave orders. He remained a part of the tangled mess that had been him and Ray. "First Enchanter Wynne will want you to stay. I'll have her come in to check on you, sister."

"You know you're the only one that still holds to the rules, Carver," Isabela told him.

"What do you expect me to do?"

"Do the right thing."

"This is my last act as Knight Captain," he said, "This was not…what I signed up for."

"I'm…going go see the boys out," Isabela added and the two were gone. The door closed behind them and Fenris shut his eyes. This had not been what he had expected. He didn't know what to do or say. He didn't know how to react. He had never felt so helpless.

"Is it my fault?" She asked him.

"Is there anything that I can say that would convince you otherwise?" He countered. He opened his eyes to see her looking at him.

"I didn't know if you could forgive me for…not knowing, for not being strong enough to burn them all at the Pearl."

He shook his head and brushed his fingers against her cheek. He saw the light blue stain of a faded bruise. The horror that she went through…anything that he could have said to her would have been insufficient. "You're a strong woman," he told her, "You survived this."

"But to what cost?" She asked. Her voice was barely above a whisper. "I thought about killing myself. Flinging myself off the boat they carried me in over the lake. I would have done it without even knowing I was pregnant. Fenris, how could you want to be with someone so selfish? How could you forgive someone so selfish?" She was blamed herself. Fenris gathered that.

"Could you ever forgive me for what I had done to you? For everything that I put you through?" He asked her.

"I had planned to before they took me," she replied after a moment, "I just didn't know what to say."

"Nothing could be worse than the thought of living without you," he told her, "That's what I would have said."

"Do you mean it?"

"If there is a future to be had," he started and kissed her lightly, "I would gladly walk to it by your side."

**A/N:** _So…did I make up for what I put her through or not? xD_


	9. Restart

**A/N:** _-drumroll- Thanks for everyone reviewing and for all the alerts in my inbox! Reviews are love. I hope you guys enjoy the chapter. Thank ye __**Saga Svanhildr**__ for all your beta awesomeness. :D_

"Blank Shell"

_Where to go from here? What road to travel on?  
I spent my whole life choosing, and I always chose wrong.  
Will I try to have the will to be alive?  
Will I try because I've never seen the light?_

_-"Hear Me Now" by Hollywood Undead_

They were shadows. They were ghosts. They were fate. Carver knew what they were doing and understood even though he disagreed. It was also something he wanted no part of. The courts wouldn't give justice, at least not in the way that they really deserved. Raina had just wanted to walk away but it had been Isabela that had convinced her otherwise, as she reminded her of everything that they had done in Kirkwall. The Templars would have gone on to follow another mindless junkie like Kerras and what happened to her would have happened to someone else. Raina looked down at the pitiful lot as they crept into their chambers. She reached for her staff but forgot that during her kidnapping, she had lost it. No matter, she didn't need it. She cast several ice spells to keep the men in place. Her face stayed stoic as they each of them slowly woke from their sleep.

"What's going on?" One of them demanded.

"Now, now boys," Isabela started, "I would not think that men of your…stature would think you could get away with helping that monster." Raina bit her lower lip as each of the Raiders positioned themselves over a Templar, even though she told Carver and Knight Commander Harrith she was sending them back to the mainland, well, it was in Isabela's nature to lie. Fenris moved to her side.

"Which one of you poisoned her?" He asked.

Silence had fallen to the group. No one wanted to speak. Well, when their lives were at stake, Raina had a feeling that one would betray the others in hopes that he would be spared. "I'll tell you," and there it was. Isabela sauntered her way over to the one that spoke up. The way she swayed her hips showed the she was a woman with a purpose. It was something that Raina had always been able to admire and it was something she wished she could have the courage to be like in that moment.

"Yes, kitten?" She asked, "Have something to say do you?" Raina watched as the Templar tried to move. No, with the poison out of her system, she had a better grip on her magic. They would not run away from their fate. They all would be cast into the Void when they were done with them.

"If I tell you, will you let me go?" He asked. Isabelas' eyes flicked over to the oldest Hawke and Fenris. The elf next to her held her steady. The decision was hers, she knew. She gave her friend a nod and Isabela grinned.

"Of course," she purred as she ran her fingers through his hair, "Who was it?"

"Davis," he replied.

"You treacherous bastard!" Well, Davis gave himself away. Isabela leaned down and kissed the man's forehead. As she walked away, she snapped her fingers and one of the Raiders ran their cold knife blade against the skin of the Templar's throat. Raina buried her face in Fenris' shoulder. She didn't want to see it. She looked up and watched the elf nod to the other Raiders and they all committed the same act. He wrapped a protective arm around her as the gurgles of dying men had taken an echo around the room. She had promised that she was going to kill all of them, at least she could keep that promise in a sense.

"Well," Isabela started and smiled sweetly at Davis. "It looks like you're alone, big boy."

"I only did what he told me to!"

"And I bet you didn't think twice about it," she said. The pirate cocked her hip to the side. "What do you think?"

"I think he knew what he was doing," Raina replied.

Fenris kissed the top of her head. "Allow me to do it," he offered and she let him. He detached himself from her and readied his greatsword. He raised it above his head and tilted it towards Davis's frozen body. He brought it bearing down and the metal seared through his body causing the ice holding him to shatter. Fenris pulled his sword out of the Templar and backed away. Raina knew he wasn't dead yet. Isabela made a motion to tell her men to leave before she returned to stand by her friend.

"You don't have to do it you know," she started, "He'll die from the wound if it doesn't heal."

"I'll gladly rip out his heart," Fenris growled.

"No," Raina told them, "I'll do it." Davis was holding his wound and his mouth moved to speak but no words came out. Carver got retribution for her against Kerras, but this was something that she needed to do. The elf gravitated to her other side and held her hand. He had been the strength that she needed. If it were any other time, she would have gladly let the man rot in a jail cell but times had changed. Thanks to Anders and everything she had allowed him to do, whether she knew about it or not. She brought up her free hand and cast a fire spell. He burned alive and Raina didn't take her eyes away until the bastard stopped twitching and the fire faded.

"Well," Isabela spoke up, "I think we should go to the Spoiled Princess. Our time at the Tower will surely be urged to end."

* * *

With every day that passed, it got harder and harder to identify what exactly was a victory. Carver and Isabela shared a dark corner in the pub. He had resigned from the Templars. Raina didn't even know that you could, but in these times, it seemed like you could do anything. He had said that he didn't know what he was going to do and she offered for her brother to come with them. Isabela agreed immediately and he didn't refuse. It was going to be good to have her brother around again. Without him, she didn't know what she would have done in the Tower. Thoughts of the possibilities of what could happen there sent a shiver down Raina's spine. The men drank. They played grab ass with the bar wenches and it seemed like they had all forgotten what happened. Raina leaned against the wall as she watched her brother smile for the first time in what it seemed like forever. She had a room upstairs and was tempted to retire for the night until she saw the gleam of lyrium tattoos hitting the light.

Their eyes met and it was the silver haired elf that cast the first smile. It was a small one, albeit, but it was better than nothing. He made his way through the crowd and picked up a bottle of the taverns finest on the way from one of the tables. He stopped in front of her and took a drink. Raina stared at him and he offered her some. Her long fingers wrapped around the neck of the bottle and she took a long gulp. Why not? It wasn't like there was a baby growing inside of her anymore.

"So about our conversation," she began.

"Do you wish to continue it?" He asked.

Raina shook her head. "I guess everything that needed to be said was," she replied, "Fenris, I…" Another small smile graced his features.

"I know," he told her, "You don't need to tell me." He leaned in and kissed the tip of her nose. "Just do when you're sure of it."

"You're too good to me."

"After everything," he countered, "I think that it is warranted." She offered him the bottle back and he took it.

"I didn't think you'd come and find me."

"Why wouldn't I?"

"It's not like I haven't been the nicest person around."

Fenris made a 'ah ha' noise. "I knew there was more to be said," he said. He ran a hand down his face and it looked like he was trying to think of the right words to use. "I can't bear to lose you, Raina. I thought that I made that clear inside that room."

"Say it, Fenris," she said, "Why can't you tell me?"

"What?"

"You know what I'm talking about." She _knew_ he did. She wanted to hear it. She wanted to hear those three little words from him. She had waited to hear them for so long. Raina watched as Fenris opened his mouth at her. He still couldn't say it.

"Forget it."

"What's wrong now?" She wanted to hit him, but she didn't want to argue. She brought up a hand to her forehead and rubbed her temples.

"Nothing," she said.

Fenris sighed. "I still don't know how to do this." She watched as he bit his lower lip. She understood. She didn't want to, but she did. Everyone who claimed to love him only ended up hurting him in the end. She had been one of them, though in her defense, he did walk away first.

"I'm just going to go sleep…" She wasn't mad and wanted to make that clear. "Come to my room later?"

His hand touched the side of her face. "Wouldn't miss it."

* * *

Raina didn't know when it was that she fell asleep but she knew where she was. She stared at the islands that floated in the putrid green sky. Figures twisted and warped around her. She didn't try to go into the Fade. She didn't even take lyrium to do so. As she looked up to see the being before her, she realized who it was that brought her there. "What do you want, spirit?" She had to admit, she was shocked to see him there, and in his true form too. The occasion should have been marked.

"I thought that you would come out on top in the end," Justice said. That didn't answer her question. She grew tired of his games and she was ready to show him just how much it was so… The spirit raised his hand to stop her. "Please," he started, "I have a proposition for you and I wish for you to listen."

"Why?" She spat at him, "It's not like you've ever done me any favors. You don't need to start now."

"Stubborn as always, mage," he replied calmly. He really had a different persona of his own now that he was detached from Anders. "It's a wonder Anders ever found you tolerating."

"Oh, that is it!"

"Yes. Attack me without your staff," Justice taunted, "You'll just be hitting thin air."

Her shoulders slumped. "What is it then?" She asked. Her eyes narrowed at him. "Be done with it. I wish to not be here longer than need be."

"I understand that you lost your child." Raina felt her body freeze. How did he know? The cold, delicate feeling was almost suffocating. Her chest tightened and her knees buckled. Did he just bring her here to taunt her? Did he want to pour salt into her wounds and laugh at her pain? He was no spirit of justice. She almost thought that instead of vengeance, he could have turned into pride.

"What of it?"

"While the healer told you the child is dead, the body still remains intact for now," Justice continued. She didn't ease her position as he made his way closer to her. "Do you still want to have it?"

She didn't have to think about it. "Yes."

"I can help." An eyebrow rose. He held her intrigue. She wanted to ask why but something deep in her told her that she already knew. "You do not question me as to why?"

"You've only come when I needed you," she replied, "and you avoided me when I didn't." She ran her tongue along her lower lip as her throat tightened. "He made you promise him something, didn't he?"

The spirit nodded. "Even though you weren't put above his goals…our goals," he answered, "he still cared about you. Maker knows why but he made me promise to keep you from danger and this is the last act that I wish to carry out."

"What do you mean?"

"I no longer wish to be a part of this world," Justice replied, "It becomes more tainted by the day and while I cared nothing for your world, I feel more… at home there." Raina placed a hand over her stomach.

"And what is it that you wish of me?" She almost regretted the words. Almost.

"Let me in," Justice replied, "Let your child become my host." She opened her mouth to snap at him but he continued before she could, "She would be born an innocent. The child would have no memory of the Fade, no memory of Anders, and no memory of what happened in the world before her birth."

"How can you be certain?"

"I would just provide the life force needed. She had not yet developed a soul and by the time she is born, my memories will be long lost." Her instincts told her not to trust him. Her instincts said it could have been a trick. "Your child would know nothing more than the fact that she was a miracle." Raina closed her eyes. Was this what Anders wanted? Was this his last gift to her? As if it were a way of him apologizing… she shook her head and opened her eyes to stare at the faceless being.

"What do you get out of this?"

"A chance to make things right, Hawke… We did not always get along and this is a debt that I owe a friend."

Her jaw tightened. "And Anders wanted you to do this?"

"He made me promise to watch over you. To show you how to live again," Justice replied, "and this is my last chance to do just that. I'm sorry I didn't come sooner." She believed him. "I needed time to forget Anders's anger."

"And have you?" She hated herself for thinking about it.

"Yes."

She took a step back. "How do I know that you are no desire demon sent to torment me? To lure me into ideal fantasies?" She was a mage. She knew better. She knew how to handle the situation.

"Do I look like a demon to you?"

"No," she responded. She had known demons. She had felt demons. Then she had felt fear and anxiety. With Justice she felt…peace. "What do I have to do?"

"Just agree."


	10. Blithe

**A/N:** _Thank you to everyone who reviewed and left all those alerts in my email! They make me so happy! Reviews are love. Thanks to __**Saga Svanhildr**__ for all your beta epicness. :D I'd be lost without you. This chapter is mostly Fenris, but it's got some Raina insight. I thought that they deserved a fluffy moment._

"Blank Shell"

_And as we lie beneath the stars  
We realize how small we are  
If they could love like you and me  
Imagine what the world could be_

_-"If Everyone Cared" by Nickelback_

Raina opened her eyes and was met with darkness. The sounds of Lake Calenhad gave the night a soothing melody. It was better than the harsh noise she remembered when she first set eyes upon the tower. Then again, that could have been attributed to the brutes that had her in their company. She ran her tongue over her lower lip and wondered why she had woken up. The last thing she remembered was saying goodnight to Fenris. Speaking of… she turned her head to see the Tevinter elf sleeping next to her. The moonlight that crept in glistened against the lyrium markings on his bare chest. She smiled at him. She reached up a hand and brought a silver wisp of hair from his eyes. Raina pulled her hand back but he caught it and laced their fingers together. "Go to sleep," he told her without opening his eyes. She snuggled against his body and closed her eyes.

That night she dreamt of someone she hadn't dreamt of in a very long time. Maker knew what it meant, but it was a nice memory and perhaps one of the last ones that she had been holding onto.

"_You got me a gift? I hardly think that I've done anything to deserve that." Raina scowled at Anders. Couldn't he just take it? He looked down at the amulet and she watched as the shock quickly formed on his features. "That's a Tevinter Chantry amulet? Are you out of your mind? Do you want me to get executed? It's sacrilege to wear it in any land under the Divine. Do you want me to get hanged?" Well, he had a lot to say about it, didn't he?_

"_Mages are free in the Imperium. I thought you might like the symbolization, Anders. It's a gift…or I could just take it back if you don't like it," she replied. An eyebrow shot up, challenging him to what he would say next. You could imagine her surprise when she watched him smile. _

"_No, I like it. Maybe not on the outside of my clothes… I'm not that eager to face the hangman's noose, but I appreciate the thought." Good. "I've never really thought about what life would be like in the Tevinter Chantry." _

"_They never spoke of it in the Circle?"_

_Anders shook his head 'no.' "In the Circle, they make it sound like the Void itself. The Black Divine stalking Thedas, making it unsafe for kittens and virgins," he replied. There went that humor that she had liked so much about him. Raina couldn't help but laugh. It had been a long time since she was able to feel this way. _

_Raina shook her head and added, "Those kittens and virgins will just have to find a nice strong mage to protect them." _

_Anders laughed. "From what I hear about the Tevinters, that's the last thing they'd want," he told her, "well, the virgins anyway. I've never heard of any horrific…kitten rituals." He glanced down at the amulet again before he put it around his neck and neatly tucked it underneath his robes. "I appreciate the gift. Perhaps one day, I can return one as meaningful." _

Raina opened her eyes when she felt the warm sunlight enter the room through the cracked window. Nausea hit her and the room swayed. Her hands went to her stomach as it roared in pain. It felt like hands had gripped onto her and that their nails dug into her skin as they tried to hold her in place. She didn't want to move but she knew she had to. Fenris wouldn't appreciate vomit in the bed they were staying in. Acid rose up her throat. Oh Maker, it was coming. She tried to make her way towards a waste bucket away from the bed but she only made it half way. "Not again," she groaned and threw up.

She wiped at her mouth and heard the door open to the room she shared with Fenris. The sound of hastened walking echoed through the room and she turned her head to see him kneel by her side. "Are you all right?" His touching concern made her smile. She opened her mouth to reply, but she turned her head quickly as the sickness lurched its way onto the floor again. Fenris rubbed his hand against her back in tiny circles. "Get it all out. I'll have someone clean it up."

When she was done, she rolled over onto her back and stared up at the ceiling. "I don't know what is wrong with me," she told him. The stench of her vomit wasn't as bad as it could have been considering she hadn't really eaten anything but still… the embarrassment of the action had rendered her to feeling less than pathetic.

"Perhaps the ale had a reaction to any lingering remnants of the poison," Fenris offered. She didn't think it was that. She placed her hands over her stomach. Raina closed her eyes and tried to practice her breathing. _In and out, in and out,_ she told herself. She attempted to heal her body to make herself feel better and that was when she felt it… Her eyes widened and the world seemed to slow around her. Her mouth gaped open slightly and her breath caught in her throat. She couldn't believe it. "What? What's wrong?"

"Fenris…" She breathed out his name. She couldn't complete her thoughts. How could she when she had felt _another_ life inside of her? How… The question was lost on her when disbelief took its hold. Worry had taken over the elf's lovely features. She wanted to comfort him but her body wouldn't function properly. The idea of a child had taken a vice grip hold on every fiber of her being. "That…The…" Where were her words? "The healer was wrong."

His eyebrows furrowed together. "You aren't making any sense," he told her. She would readily agree. "Please explain." His voice had started to feel strained. She gave him a small smile.

"I'm still…" Maker, why couldn't she spit it out? "Going to have your child," she finished. There it was. Would he run? Would he laugh at her? Would he believe her?

"I, uh…see." Was that all he could say? He glanced away from her. "Are you sure? Is it possible that Kerras…"

"No!" she grabbed his face and made him look her in the eyes. "No, Fenris. It's too… developed to be from… that." She silently cursed him for even thinking it. And for reminding her. "But if you don't believe me, we can always ask for a second opinion."

* * *

Fenris had done his best not to pace around the room. He stood perfectly still in the corner and watched as the mages conversed. It was not easy bringing the mage from the Circle without alarming Carver, but at least the man had Isabela to keep him busy. Maker, the man didn't waste time after leaving his vows, but who was he to judge?

"She's correct." Fenris's ears perked when the mage spoke. He had kept silent for the most part as the two before him had talked. He hadn't expected this sudden change. When Raina said that she had…been pregnant, but lost the baby, he had dismissed any feelings that had come. There had been no use in getting attached to the idea of what was never to be, but now… it seemed that a miracle had happened. He didn't know what to make of it. Fenris had never been a believer in miracles, but what else could he call this? He watched as Raina looked at him. Her bright blue eyes begged for any word from him.

"How?" That had been the only question that had come to mind.

The healer glanced his way. "It's a miracle." He had wished that they would stop using that word. "I've left some potions," the mage said, "They're just to make sure the child will be ok." The child. _His _child. The women in the room waited for a response, but none came. The healer nodded. "Alright then," she continued as she made her way to leave. She stopped next to Fenris and whispered, "The Maker's greatest gift is a child. Do not squander it." His eyebrows furrowed together. Who was she to tell him such a thing? A low growl escaped him as he almost pushed her out of the room.

"Well," he heard Raina speak up when the door closed, "You could have handled that better."

He turned to look at her. What did she want from him? "How do you expect me to react? One minute you are, the next you aren't, and now you are again," his voice had sounded more frustrated than he had intended it to be. The feelings that over took him were like nothing that he had ever experienced. The urge to protect her grew. The urge to protect their child, love, adoration, confusion, fear, anxiety, and countless of other feelings had rolled into one giant wave that washed over him. "How did this happen?"

Raina pulled a pillow against her body and wrapped her arms around it. "You heard what the healer said," she whispered.

Fenris felt his shoulders slump slightly. "I don't believe in miracles," he replied.

"Then what do you call what's happening between us again?"

His feet brought him towards the bed and he sat next to her. "I don't know," he answered, "but I know that I'm not going to leave you again. Ever." He gave her a small smile. "I meant it when I said if there was a future, I'd gladly share it with you." He placed a hand over her stomach. "It was just…" He felt the lump form in his throat and he made a face. "I fear that when I wake up tomorrow, it will be gone again. I've never felt this way about someone that I haven't even met. I've never thought that I could ever become…" The word was lost on him.

"A father?"

"Yes. That."

"Would you like to know if it is a boy or girl?" It still amazed him sometimes what mages could do. He wanted to know, but he was afraid to ask. Knowing such a thing would make him associate it with being…alive. Being alive gave you attachment, and being afraid of that attachment was what made him run in the first place. He didn't know the value of family. Was it the kind of thing that could be learned? Would it come automatically? Maker, Fenris was getting tired of his inner questions. It had started to make him feel like a coward again, and that was the last thing he wanted. "Fenris?" Oh, yes. Did he want to know the sex? Part of him screamed yes but the other part…the fear was too much.

As a slave, he had nothing to lose. Nothing could have been taken away from him. He pushed away from her for several reasons, and he could go on about them, but he wouldn't. It wasn't the time to dwell on that, and he wasn't a slave anymore. "I…" What? What did he want to say?

"Oh," was what came out of her mouth next.

"What?" Did she have a better insight on how he was feeling? If so, he would damn well like to know.

Raina shook her head and looked away from him. "You don't want to know because you don't want to get attached. Why would you want to get attached to a child when you don't even love the mother? How silly of me to think differently." Love. He had thought that it was a fool's notion for a very long time.

"Please explain to me what you're babbling about," Fenris said. Did she not think that he loved her? Even after everything that he had done? Well, considering it again, the bad tended to outweigh the good more often than not, and he had never really told her that he had loved her. Damn. He was an even bigger fool than he thought. She opened her mouth to abide to his request, but he brought up a hand and silenced her with a gentle finger placed against her lips. He watched her eyes narrow at him when he moved it away from her mouth. "You don't think I love you?" He asked.

"What do you expect me to think?" She asked him carefully. "Why should I think any differently?"

"I did not believe in it for a very long time," he could admit that, "and I had not thought of sharing myself with someone like that until you. We've made our mistakes, but I don't want you to think that I don't. Because I do." The surprise that had taken over her lovely features had been worth it. He leaned in and his lips melted against hers. His fingers brushed along her jaw line before they found a home in her dark locks. "I love you." The words came out easier than he had originally expected. "And I love our child." Doubts were gone and confidence had come back to him. He didn't know what kind of father he'd be, but he would try.

She threw her arms around him and held him close. Raina buried her face into the nape of his neck. "You have no idea how long I have waited to hear those words," she whispered into his skin. _She's broken, Fenris, and I believe that you can bring her back._ Isabela's words rang in his ears. He had managed to do just that. "And it is a she."

Fenris was aware that when an elf and a human had a child together, it was born human. It wasn't going to be an easy life, but when had it ever been easy for them? He couldn't help but smile at the woman before him as he pulled back from their embrace. The child was going to be born in a chaos-filled world, but he would be there the entire time. "I'm actually glad," he admitted, which caused a light laugh to escape her.

She lifted up a hand and touched his face. Her fingers were careful around his lyrium markings. "And that makes everything worthwhile," she replied.

"So when do we tell the others?" The question had to be asked sooner than later. Raina bit her lower lip as she thought about it.

"I can't decide whether or not telling Carver first is the wiser choice." That he had to agree with.

"Allow me to break the news?" He offered. Raina gave him an amused look.

"Be my guest."

* * *

"Andraste's tits, you stupid ass! What are you doing?" Raina's voice rose over the loud noise of the crowd that had gathered to view the spectacle. The rather _large _fist of the younger Hawke connected with Fenris's jaw. The elf brought a hand to the throbbing area and let out a small groan. Okay, he knew that he probably deserved that in more ways than one. Carver brought his arm back, reeling for another hit. "Carver!" He heard Raina yell again. Isabela caught the boy's arm with her hands and tried to stop him.

"You prig!" He shouted at him. Fenris felt that he might have deserved that as well. "What makes you think that you can do this to her?"

"It's not like it was planned!" He shot back defensively. He crouched slightly toward the ground, ready for a flying fist that managed to escape the grasp of Isabela and her Raiders.

"The healer said she lost it! What did you do?"

Fenris narrowed his eyes at him. "I did nothing," he responded, "whatever has happened has been the Maker's will. Surely a Templar would understand that." He moved out of the way of the spit flying in his direction.

"Oh, don't give me that shit," Carver sneered at him, "What are you going to do about it, huh? Are you just going to leave her again?" Fenris was amused that the young man could love his sister at one point and want to defend her, and then at another he would want to tear her throat out himself. He would never understand it. Carver managed to break free from his human shackles and lunged for Fenris. The elf prepared for the attack but suddenly found that both of them had been frozen in time. Someone had brought up the very earth from the ground to make sure that they were literally rooted down to prohibit any movement. Both men slowly turned their heads to look at a _very_ pissed Raina Hawke.

The woman leered at them and her arms crossed in front of her body. "What do you two think you are doing?" She asked in a monotone voice. Her jaw set in a ridiculously familiar scowl. He had only seen that look twice since he had known her, and it usually meant that someone was in trouble.

"What do you think I'm doing, sister?" Carver asked. "Defending your honor!"

"He started it," Fenris added.

"Oh, how grown up," Raina scoffed, "Now you two will listen to me, and listen closely before I make the two of you stay here for the rest of your lives… You will get along or neither of you will see this baby, understood?"

"Yes," both men replied in unison. Fenris couldn't believe it but he wanted to smile.

He watched as Raina turned to Isabela. "I say we let them stay here and think about what they've done. I'll even buy you a round. And since I am unable to have one, you're just going to have to enjoy it for the both of us."

Isabela smiled, "That's my girl."


	11. Settling In

**A/N:** _Thank you to everyone who reviewed/favorite/put on alert. Reviews are love. Thanks to **Saga Svanhildr** for all your beta love! I felt that there needed to be a sibling moment and a semi vulnerable Isabela, along with some implied smut. The next few chapters are going to cover all the way up until the child is born. Old friends will return! I hope you guys will enjoy it._

"Blank Shell"

_My scars are yours today  
This story ends so good  
I love you and I understand  
That you stood where I stood_

_-"I'm Sorry" by Flyleaf_

Raina took a seat at a table in the corner and made a motion to the bartender. Isabela sat across from her and lazed into her chair as she hung one arm over the back. "Can I get you two anything?" the barmaid asked. Raina glanced at her pirate friend, who just gave her a grin in reply. The Raiders slowly made their way into the bar. She glanced up to see Carver come in first and Fenris at the tail end of the group. The men in her life didn't cast her a glance. Perhaps they were embarrassed. Perhaps they were ashamed. Who knew? She certainly didn't, and a part of her didn't care.

"Water for me and round of your finest for my friend here," she told her. The barmaid nodded and left. Isabela leaned forward onto the table and rapped her finger tips against wood. Raina didn't know where to begin. She could tell that her friend was troubled and she wanted more than anything to find the words to talk. "Do you have something on your mind?" She asked. "What's wrong?" Her eyebrows furrowed together in worry that the events of the past few weeks would cause her friend to want to leave her, but she knew better. They had been through too much.

Isabela gave her a small smile as the barmaid came back with their drinks. She took a long swig of her mead and didn't speak until she was done. "I knew things were changing after the whole thing with the Gallows, but I never wanted to accept it," she started, "I guess I have to now. Things are really going to be different, aren't they?"

"Why, Isabela," Raina teased, trying to keep the mood light, "that was almost heartfelt."

The Rivaini waved her off. "Try not to tell anyone," she said, "I do have an image to upkeep."

Raina sighed. "You'll always be my best friend," she told her, "That will never change." Isabela wrinkled her nose at her.

"I'm going to go away," she said, "You're making my insides feel all squishy." She watched her friend walk away to the bar and…her brother head her way. He raised his hands in defense as if he was coming with a peace offering.

"I come in peace," and there it was.

Her eyes narrowed at her younger brother, furious that he would be so stupid as to think that she would forgive him so quickly after being such a stubborn ass. She didn't say a word, but decided that it would be better to listen to her brother, rather than push him away. After all, she was aware that she probably would have suffered more if it wasn't for him. It sent a shudder down her spine to think of the possibilities. Her hands went instinctively to her stomach. "So you're really having one, huh?" Carver asked.

"What do you think?" Fenris countered as he sat down next to her. Raina shot the elf a glaring glance as he lifted his mug to his mouth. She swore she saw a smirk before he took a drink. She sighed heavily as the Spoiled Princess quieted because of the commotion that had the potential to rise.

"You think he'll stick around if it's all magical?" her brother asked. Fenris slammed his mug down on top of the table and whatever he was drinking sloshed onto the wood. He opened his mouth to speak, but Raina jumped in.

"Will you?" She asked.

Carver looked surprised that she would even question him, but considering everything in their lives, did he really not expect her to ask? "You want me to be a part of its life?" She tried to read his face, but couldn't decide on what she was seeing. The emotions there were foreign to Carver's face. At least, to Raina they were.

"One, it is a she," she corrected him. Her hand went out to Fenris and she placed it above his own. "Two, yes I want you to be. You'll be her uncle and don't you think that the both of you deserve to know each other?" She glanced at Fenris. She hoped that the two of them could come up with a name sometime soon so she could refer to the child with a name instead of 'it' or 'she.'

"I…thank you," Carver said. The youngest Hawke hesitated for a moment. "I'm sorry," he apologized, "About everything." He looked at Fenris. "You too." The elf just nodded.

"Apology accepted… but now to answer your question, yes," she told him, "I believe that he will." Fenris actually publicly smiled after that. Things were looking up. "Besides, we won't know for sure until she's between six and ten." That was when she had first shown her powers. Part of her wanted to thank Anders. She wouldn't be forced to hand over her child to the Circle because as it looked…there was no Circle to go to. Not really anyway. There might have been the one across Lake Calenhad, but it would be over her dead body before her child would go there. Part of her wanted to throttle him, but she supposed the worst things she could have done to him, she already did. Not only did she have to worry about mages being angry with her for siding with the Templars, she had to worry about Templars that didn't care that she had sided with them, much like Kerras.

"And what of the Templars?"

"Let them come," Fenris growled.

"We'll just have to find a place where we'll blend in easily," Raina said.

"With him," Carver commented as he pointed to Fenris, "Good luck." The elf stood up and her brother mirrored his own actions. _Not again, _she thought.

"Now, now boys," Isabela finally interjected as she came back, "Now again. I'd hate to have to cut the both of you." Thank the Maker. "He's right though. You're going to have to find a place loyal to you where you won't have to worry about all the nonsense going on."

"We'll go back to Llomerryn," Fenris offered.

Isabela smiled. "I knew I liked you for a reason."

* * *

Llomerryn was probably the worst place to raise a child, but it was the best place for them to blend in. The people knew Isabela. They knew Raina. That was all that was needed. The Rivaini were loyal to their people and that was the first reason she agreed to Fenris's suggestion. They decided to live outside of the city. Fenris and Carver had come to an agreement as they worked to renovate a rundown cabin along the peaks of the beach that had started their…adventure, as Raina like to call it. Isabela sat beside her on the white sand as the water from the sea rolled against the shore to only just touch their feet. They had been in Rivain for almost a month when she knew that Isabela was itching for the sea again.

"I suppose you'll be off to Ostwick soon," Raina broke the silence between the two.

"How'd you find out?" Isabela asked.

Raina grinned at her friend. "Did you think you were the only one with connections on this island?" She teased. It wasn't like she expected Isabela to stick around forever, though she knew she'd be back. "What's in Ostwick that you're looking for?" She asked, curious. They had been to the city plenty of times together and it was an unsettling feeling that Isabela was casting off without her.

"A score that I have to settle," the pirate replied. Ah, when wasn't it a score to settle, a shipment to pick up, things to steal, treasure to find or anything else the blasted woman could come up with?

"Kick some ass for me while you're gone?"

The pirate smiled. "You know it." She turned her head to glance back at Fenris and Carver. Some of the Raiders were helping as well, but it didn't help that they took bets on who would snap first; Fenris or Carver. "Think it's safe to leave those two alone for too long?"

The older Hawke sighed. "Would you believe me if I said I didn't care anymore?" She asked as she winked at her friend.

"Not in a million years."

"They'll be fine," Raina said, "or they'll face the wrath of a hormonal woman."

"How long has it been anyways?"

She chewed on her lower lip for a moment. "It's been a little over four months since Fenris and I first had-"

"A good fuck."

"Yes, Bela," she groaned, "it's not like we can rut about like old times now." She gestured to her slightly growing stomach." "So I figured to round it up to about that much." She shrugged one shoulder. "I'm not as good of a healer as…" Her voice trailed off. She didn't want to say his name. The pirate put a hand on her shoulder for comfort. Raina let out an awkward cough and continued, "Well, you know, but I can guess at some things."

"Have you and Fenny decided on a name?" In all honesty, she had been surprised that Isabela even asked that question.

"Stop calling him that," she replied, making a face as she did so.

"You two are too much alike; I think it's going to make me sick."

Raina nudged her friend. "Yes," she said, "We picked Adalia."

"Interesting name…" Her eyebrows furrowed together at Isabela's response. What did she mean by that?

"Why?"

"Oh," Isabela replied and shrugged one shoulder, "It's an old Rivaini name for justice." Something stirred inside of Raina. Her heart clenched and she found it hard to breath. Did Adalia move? Kick? She bit her lower lip and felt another twinge of pain in her heart as she longed for her mother to be there. Her guidance would have been appreciated, if not much needed. Now, she just had to figure out how to do things on her own. Well, not totally. She had Fenris, but Maker help them.

"You surprise me every day, Isabela," she told her, "but I didn't know that…" Maybe she should talk to Fenris about changing it. It didn't feel right in her heart to call her that. She felt the stirring again…but it felt fitting. Isabela ran her fingers through Raina's dark hair.

"What's wrong?"

"I just feel odd," she admitted, "That's it." She turned her head to look at her friend, who gave her a small smile.

"Tell you what," Isabela started, "I'll make business quick and pick something up for the bugger while I'm gone." There she went again with the surprises. Something was off. Raina narrowed her eyes at her friend and wanted to know what was with the sudden change. Had she fallen prey to some desire demon without knowing it? She made a face.

"Why are you being so nice about this?" She asked her. "You hate children."

"I'm trying a new thing," Isabela replied and pulled back, "It's called caring. How does it look on me?" She tried to keep a serious look on her face, but within seconds she cracked a smile. Raina couldn't help but smile back. "Can't hate a girl for trying." She agreed. She couldn't.

"Does this have to do with when I saw you and Carver together?" She narrowed her eyes slightly. Years ago, before Carver had been angry enough at her to join the Templars, she knew that he and Isabela had a night together. Her friend winked at her and that was all she needed to know. "Oddly, I think you're good for each other." The dark skinned woman looked away and out towards the sea. "When do you cast off?"

"Before nightfall."

"Is Carver going with?"

Isabela let out a small laugh. "He doesn't want to leave you until Little Addi is born," she told her, "Fine by me. He doesn't make a very good crewman anyway."

"I'm going to miss you."

"Right back at you."

* * *

The wood lining of the cabin walls was a darker color than she remembered. The furniture was simple and probably picked up from the city. It seemed like everything that they needed was there. They had added on two extra rooms. One she assumed went to Carver, but she couldn't figure out who was going to occupy the second. Though she didn't complain. Maybe it was the child's room. Raina wrapped her arms around her body as she went back to the common area of the home. She smoothed out the front of the black dress that she was wearing. A blue scarf was tied around her waist to hold it into place and it was a very Rivaini styled fashion to accentuate her growing curves. She turned to look at Fenris. "And you're sure you want to live here?"

"With you? Yes. With your brother… I'm sure I could do without," he told her. She laughed as he winked at her. It seemed that his time with the Raiders, Isabela and herself had made him relax. Good. It was something that he needed and she hoped that he saw it that way. "How do you like it?" He asked, slowly forming his words into a careful question. Was he nervous? Raina smiled at him as he looked away.

"I can't believe it's almost done."

Fenris turned his head to look at Raina and she watched that lovely smirk cross his features. "It is nice to be able to settle down for once," he admitted, "and putting effort into having a place look nice is something I think I can get used to. So, is this what they call…domestication?" Yes. The place definitely looked better than the Hightown mansion he used to squat in. Carver had left to see Isabela off. The Raiders had soon followed, ready to be on the sea again. She reached out for Fenris's hand. He had forgone his armor and wore clothes that made him look like just another elf on the streets, though his markings still caught their attention.

She laughed a little. "You make us sound like animals," she replied. Fenris smiled.

"Close enough, correct?" He snaked his arm around her waist and pulled her closer to him. Raina leaned in and their lips met gently before he pulled her into a feverish hold as the kiss grew deeper. "We're alone for now," he reminded her as he broke the kiss.

He lifted her up into the air. Raina let out a surprised sound. "Oh Fenris," she purred into his ear, nipping at his neck. Her fingers tangled into his hair as she gave the silver wisps a tug. He growled against the exposed skin on her shoulder as he laid her on the bed.

He was gentler than normal. She was hesitant and maybe that was why he treated this time differently than before. While her physical wounds had healed, her emotional scarring was still intact. Fenris trailed his lips along her collar bone. He took his time. He waited for her permission. His rhythm was slow, calculated, but loving. It was a new side of him that she hadn't seen. Raina held onto him. She didn't want their bodies to separate even after they were done. He kissed her again and their foreheads pressed together. "We should get dressed," he told her. She lacked the motivation to do so. She'd rather stay in her blissfully happy position.

"Why?" She pouted. "I'm sure Carver is giving Isabela a _proper_ goodbye. We have all the time in the world." He laughed a bit and rested his head against her abdomen. Her fingers traced circles in his scalp and she felt that…stirring feeling again. She looked down and saw Fenris staring at her stomach. One eyebrow cocked upwards. "What are you looking at?"

"I believe she just…kicked me," he replied. The bewilderment in his voice was amusing to hear and she bit her lower lip to stop herself from laughing. So that was what she was feeling. She wanted to tell him that things like that happened a lot, but he seemed to be enjoying himself far too much. "I…" Oh? Was there something else that he wanted to say? "I wanted to thank you for putting so much faith in me. Even though I don't deserve it."

"What are you talking about?"

"What Carver said…" Oh.

"Fenris," Raina started. She moved her hands to cup the sides of his face. "You said you would never leave my side again, and I believe you. I've tried to show you the good side of magic. That not every mage is like…" her voice trailed off because she didn't want to say the magister's name. Fenris laced his fingers into one of her hands and turned his head to kiss her finger tips.

"With you, things have been different," he told her, "and if she is a mage, then I can see no better teacher."

She smiled at him. "Thank you, love."

He leaned in against her, resting his head on her stomach once more. "There it is again." Even through his normally hard exterior, he let his guard down with her. It was something that she appreciated more than she could put into words.

"She's just saying hello," she told him, still trying not to laugh. The surprise on his face as he stared at her stomach was enough to make her to fail at her attempt. She brought a hand up to her lips to stifle the noise.

"Well," Fenris said as he looked up at her, "if that's her hello, perhaps she really is mine."

**A/N:** _Happy Late Mother's Day! I did research about when you first feel the baby and the average was 16-20 weeks which is the time since Fenris and Raina got it on. xD That and you feel it quicker if you're a smaller frame like she is. So… I hope I made sense. Sorry if I didn't! Adalia means justice in Arabic and I wanted to intertwine that into the story because well, you know. Lol ;)_


	12. Welcomed Visitors

**A/N:** _Thank you to everyone who reviewed/favorite/put on alert. Reviews are love. Thanks to __**Saga Svanhildr**__ for all your beta love! Thanks to her, Alaskantiger, zxdeletedzx, DOOOOOOM Lord of Waffles, Raven Jadewolfe, Normanee and kittylizz for reviewing! You guys are awesome. _

"Blank Shell"

_Cause there ain't nothin' I can do_

_I hope and pray my faith won't leave me  
When it comes down to me and you _

_-"Breathe A Sigh" by Def Leppard_

Fenris ran his finger along the page of the book he was reading. His eyes squinted as the words formed on his lips. It was some Nevarran book that Carver had been reading. No doubt it was something that Isabela had left behind. At least it wasn't her friend fiction anymore. He didn't think that he could take another round of Aveline and Donnic. He cursed himself for being curious about it, but he had wanted to know what she had been giggling like a fool over back then. Fenris closed the book and leaned back in his chair. It had been a month since Isabela left for Ostwick. He could see the worry on Raina's face grow as each day passed. Why they were so close was beyond his comprehension. It wasn't like he disliked Isabela, in fact, he had a growing regard for the pirate woman because of the past few months. It just amazed him how two polar opposites could attach to each other so quickly.

Then again, he could say the same about himself and Raina. He never thought that he would fall for a mage and yet, here she was ready to have his child. The years had gone by so quickly since he had walked away. He turned his head to look out of the window. Raina was attempting to grow an herb garden and trying to get Carver to help. His eyebrows furrowed together at the sight. It was a wonder that they had been able to convince people that they used to work on the farms in Lothering. He watched as she scowled at her brother and the younger Hawke flushed in exasperation. Fenris could see Carver's mouth move and Raina burst into a fit of laughter. His eyes wandered down to her growing stomach.

Adalia would be born in a few more months and Fenris found he was oddly excited for it. With his only memories of his family being the flashes he occasionally got and the…betrayal of Varania, he was looking forward to being able to redefine what the word family meant to him. He briefly thought about his sister. He had contacted her before he left Kirkwall and she had betrayed him to Danarius. Despite leaving Raina, she had been there to help him face his former master. He just spat at her in anger after she convinced him to let his sister live. He never apologized for that. It was just another thing to add to the list of all that he had put her through. He tossed the book over to the side of the bed and got up.

He walked to the crib that he and Carver had built. Working on this together had been the only common ground that they had been able to find, other than the fact that the two of them couldn't see eye to eye on anything. He thought about the possibilities of the child. What would she look like? Would she be a mage? Apparently that ran on his side of the family as well… the odds were good that she would be. Did that change his views? Not at all. She was going to be born an innocent, and with a teacher like her mother, she would be golden. One thing that did concern him was how the lyrium forever etched into his skin would affect her.

Voices carried to the back room. It seemed that the two had come inside. Fenris moved to join them, but then he heard a crashing noise and a high pitch scream accompanied it. He darted to the entrance of the home as fear gripped his heart, only to find Carver slapping his knee in laughter as Raina was hoisted into the air. Isabela sauntered in with a smirk on her face. "Oh Fenris," she started, "calm your shorts."

"So no shit there I was…" he knew that voice. Raina was set back down on her feet to reveal Varric standing there with a grin on his face. Did he always have to start a story with those six words? Fenris crossed his arms in front of his body as he shook his head in disapproval. "…in Ostwick, only to see Rivaini walk in like she owned the place. I bought her a round and what does she tell me? You two are having a little bundle of brood."

"Not this again," Fenris groaned. Though he didn't get along with their companions when they first met, most of them had grown on him. Well, mainly just Varric before he had left Kirkwall. He didn't care for the blood mage or the abomination. He thought Carver whined too much, that Isabela had no responsibility, and well… he did take an instant liking to Aveline, and even though he was cautious with Raina, she too had grown on him to a point where it had hurt him to be away from her. Ugh. He didn't want his thoughts to continue to that fateful moment that had changed everything for them in the past. He often wondered what would have happened if he hadn't walked away. Would she still have gone to the abomination? No. He didn't think so. Would Anders still have ruined everything? With his selfish prattle, Fenris would not have been surprised.

"What?" Varric shook his head. "It's just that I never thought I'd see the day! I doubt anyone did."

"Got that right," Carver added, which Raina punched his shoulder for. A small sound escaped his lips as the younger Hawke rubbed his shoulder, grumbling slightly as he did so.

Despite himself, Fenris smiled. "When I heard she had a score to settle, I didn't think it'd be you," he told him.

"What?" Isabela asked as she took a seat at the table. She shrugged a shoulder. "The bastard owed me twenty sovereigns. You didn't think that I would let that go, did you?" No. He didn't. His eyes settled on his love and Raina just smiled back at him. He was glad to see her smile at the sight of old friends. He knew that she missed one more than any other, and Fenris made a mental note to talk to Varric and Isabela about it later.

"That's what I get for losing a bet," Varric said. He shook his head and shrugged one shoulder nonchalantly. Dare they ask what the bet was about?

"What bet?" Raina asked. It seemed that she and Fenris had the same idea. The oldest Hawke narrowed her eyes at the dwarf. Her lips pursed together slightly and he could only imagine what she was thinking.

"I'll give you three guesses, sister," Carver added. Fenris glanced at the other man. It seemed that Isabela had let him be privy to more things than he and Raina.

"Isabela…Varric…" She was like a mother scolding her two children. The oldest Hawke curled her hands into fists and rested them on her hips. She tried to look intimidating to their old friends, but they knew her better than that.

Varric waved her off. "Doesn't matter," he said with a grin and extended his arms out towards her. "Just say you missed me, Hawke, 'cause I know you did."

She smiled at him before she leaned over slightly to kiss his cheek. "I told you I'd cry myself to sleep at night without my trusty dwarf," she told him. Fenris crossed his arms as she pulled back and moved to stand by his side. He looked down at her and smiled again as she wrapped her arms around him.

"Look at you! You're getting big." Fenris rolled his eyes at Varric's comment. It was just like old times, wasn't it? He wasn't sure how he felt about that. He felt as if the others they had known would come walking through the door next. Though there was one in particular that he did not care to see. Thank the Gods that he'd never see him again. Not that he would bring that subject up.

"Cause that's appropriate to say to a woman, Varric, doesn't Bianca teach you anything?" Isabela teased. The way the dwarf fondled his weapon was still disturbing to Fenris. He swore he saw the other man reach behind himself to touch his crossbow.

"How I speak to Bianca is a private matter, thank you," he countered before looking at the other dark haired woman in the room. "Can I ask you one thing?"

"Anything," Raina replied between stifled giggles.

"Does the kid do the magical fisting thing? Because I sure could use her-"

"Varric!" She gasped at him.

"Well, you can't blame a guy for wanting to know."

* * *

The sun was high in the sky, but it didn't hinder the weather any. It was near the end of Umbralis, or what everyone outside of the Imperium called the Firstfall. Wintersend was nearing and that meant cooler weather. They had to enjoy it while they could, correct? The sound of the waves crashing down against the clean, white sand of the island was like a continuous melody that made Fenris understand why it was here that Raina wanted to settle and build their life together. The consequences of…Anders's actions wouldn't reach a place where the Maker and Andraste were just names. They would be safe from any Chantry backlash. The people of the island knew Raina as their own thanks to Isabela. It seemed that Fenris had to give the pirate more credit in the future. He heard a snort next to him and he turned his head to look at the companion by his side.

Fenris handed the dwarf a mug filled with thick, amber liquid. He glanced back at the house to see Raina practicing her magic as Carver and Isabela acted as moving targets. He and Varric happened to have a bet on Ray missing Bela on purpose and how soon it would be until she hit her younger brother. Then there was their favorite drinking game. Carver and the pirate threw things in the air for the older Hawke to hit. Her magic had been slightly off since the pregnancy, but Fenris knew that it was nothing that she couldn't handle.

"Listen, elf," Varric started as they sat on the cliffs overlooking the beach and the sea. Their legs hung over the side and they shared a bottle of Llomerryn whiskey. Fenris had a feeling that he needed to down his drink and refill for what was to come next. "I'm sorry it took so long, but I finally found what you wanted me to look for." It had been over two years. He had started to think that his _sister_ was dead. At least it wasn't by his doing.

Fenris refilled his drink. "And?" He asked carefully.

"You're not going to like what I'm about to say." He had thought as much. He felt himself hesitate as he brought the mug up to his lips. Instead of the tempting gulp, he only took a sip.

"Just say it," he told the dwarf. The look Varric gave him made him want to take back the three words.

"She's still alive," he replied. Fenris had thought that as well. "She went back to Tevinter." He was not surprised. Varania had told him once that he had no idea what she had had to do after their mother had died. Did she know of the things that he had had to go through? Images of leather bound around his neck and Danarius's sick smile flashed in his head. He could still hear Hadriana's laughter sometimes through the wind. His stomach lurched at the thoughts of what she used to do to him. The memory of the pain seared into his flesh made his body tingle in ways that he wished to forget.

"Does this have anything to do with why you were in Ostwick?"

Varric shook his head 'no.' "I knew someone was following me," he told the elf, "I recognized the sod to be an old contact of Rivaini's back in Kirkwall. He wouldn't talk at first, but there's not a man in Thedas that can resist Bianca." Fenris did not doubt that. "I told him to send word back for her and I waited. I knew Hawke was with her. I was surprised to see that you were though."

"Did that bet have anything to do with her tracking me down in Cumberland?" Fenris had been meaning to ask Isabela about that, but with everything that had happened, he had simply forgotten.

Varric began, "Ray was almost completely gone. We needed to find a way to bring her back and well, I always liked you better than Blondie." Fenris felt his nose wrinkle in disgust at the mention of that mage.

"What else do you know about Varania?"

"She's a magister," Varric informed him. He almost choked on his whiskey. The burning sensation that went down his throat was not a pleasurable one, but more of pain and he winced at what he had inflicted upon himself. A magister… After everything that had happened, she would really follow that path? Had she learned nothing? He supposed that it had been too much to ask for to think that she would have done something else. He had learned the hard way that sometimes you couldn't get everything that you wanted.

"_You wanted it. You fought for it."_ Her words still haunted him. Fenris glanced down at his markings that shone through the black fabric of his shirt. A magister. Somehow it didn't surprise him, but it still hurt. With his sense of the word family changing, he thought that perhaps he could mend things with his sister, but it was a foolish notion.

"Thank you," Fenris told his friend before he downed the whiskey, "Is there anything else you know?"

Varric cradled his mug in his hands. "She's been researching Danarius's methods with your…er…markings," he replied. The elf felt himself physically flinch at the mention of his former masters name. What was she up to?

"_I would have given you everything."_ The pain he felt still lingered when he thought about the past. He spat at her as she walked away and he had never felt so alone in his life. Fenris turned his head to look at Raina as a bolt of lightning shot out of her hand to hit whatever Carver had thrown in the air. She must've known he was watching, for she turned her head to look back at him. Her eyebrows furrowed together for a moment and it was a clear look of concern that had graced her features. He offered her a small smile and she mimicked it, perhaps for his sake. He wasn't sure.

"What she wants has nothing to do with me," he told the dwarf, "I closed off that road a long time ago."

"You said the same thing about Hawke and now look at you two," Varric reminded him. That had been true, but he was convinced that the situations were different. "I still can't believe you're having a kid."

"Neither can I," he admitted.

"Rivaini told me what happened."

Fenris cast the dwarf a curious look. "Everything?" He asked and Varric nodded. "Well, you know how resilient she is." Or how resilient she tried to be. He knew all about walls that people put up when something bad happened. He had done so many times. Luckily enough, he knew how to get past her walls, just like she knew how to with his.

"That may be, but you know she probably couldn't have moved on without you or Junior," he told the Tevinter. Varric clapped his friend on the shoulder and smiled. "It's a miracle that the baby survived." Fenris poured himself another drink. Yes. Yes, it was. He glanced back at Raina and then looked at Varric. "She wants to make you the godfather."

The dwarf let out a boisterous, bark-like laugh as he knelt down, clutching his side. Fenris grabbed the back of his friend's jacket to pull him back and make sure he didn't fall off of the cliff and into the ocean. He wasn't even sure if the little man could swim or not. "That has to be the funniest shit I've ever heard," he said, "I knew you still had a sense of humor."

"I'm _serious_." His eyebrows furrowed together as he looked at the other man.

"Well this might be the whiskey talking," Varric began as he let out an almost nervous cough. He winked at the elf. "But I guess I can't refuse the lady, huh?"

A smirk played across his features. Fenris laughed as he agreed, "It is not wise."


	13. Impeccable Timing

**A/N:** _Thank you to everyone who reviewed/favorite/put on alert. Reviews are love. Thanks to __**Saga Svanhildr**__ for all your beta love! Thanks to her, Raven, Normanee, souma331 and LunarMeridia for reviewing. I have a one shot of Raina and Fenris up called Paradise Lost. :D I think you awesome people should go read it! Sorry it took so long. RL got crazy! _

"Blank Shell"

_Mind my own business  
I'm on my journey  
And I have enough old friends  
To keep me company_

_-"New Friend" by No Doubt_

In what seemed to be the easiest pregnancy in all of Thedas, Raina was still ready for Adalia to finally come out. The time was coming closer for the child to grace the world with her presence. They hadn't needed a healer yet, and when there had been the risk of the need, it was a simple task that she could do herself. Raina ran her hand down over her stomach. She believed that Varric's visit was good for Fenris. He needed a male around that he was familiar with and he didn't want to kill. Something that did make her uneasy was the way that the dwarf was looking at her. One of her eyebrows quirked upward as she stared at him. "Is there something you wish to tell me?" She asked.

"I've been waiting to find the right time to tell you, Hawke," Varric started. That was never a good way to start a story, even for him.

"That's never good," she replied with a small smirk. "Spit it out, dwarf, you know I don't like waiting."

Varric looked past her at Fenris. "I think she's starting to pick up that brood of yours," he said before laughing.

"It's his fault," Raina replied as she made a face. "Who knows? Maybe the child inherited the brood." She could just picture the look Fenris was giving her at that moment. She didn't have to turn around to know that she was right. The amused look Varric gave her was enough.

"The brood?" Fenris asked.

Varric nodded. "The brood," the dwarf sighed, "but let's not get off track. So this Seeker named Cassandra is looking for you." Raina stiffened. She had heard of Seekers before in a tale that her father told her and Bethany. She wanted to ask why, but they wouldn't find her in Rivain. That much she was certain of. She didn't need to worry. "They dragged my ass through Hightown up to the old Hawke Estate wanting to know your story."

A small laugh escaped her. "I'm sure you gave it to her, correct?"

Varric smiled. "Would I have done anything else?" He asked. He had a point. She knew that she should be worried that a Seeker was looking for her. She didn't want to be found, and trusted the dwarf to keep it that way. "I told her I didn't know where you were, though the shit's serious out there… She believes you can stop it." Yes, she knew how serious and out of control things had gotten. She knew that from personal experience. A shudder ran down her spine at the thought of Kerras.

Fenris placed a hand on her arm and brought her back from delving into a horrible part of her life that she didn't want to go back to. "Should we be concerned?" He asked.

"Well," Ray started as she made a motion to her stomach. "I can't really stop any war in this condition. I barely have control of my magic as it is."

Varric shrugged one shoulder. "I'm just the messenger," he replied. "Just think about it, ok? She might be on to something." She nodded. Though she had helped the Templars in Kirkwall, she did not want to live in a world where she would have to give her child up to the Circle Tower. Nor did she want a life that kept her on the run.

"What do you know about her?" Fenris asked.

"She's Nevarran," the dwarf replied, "comes from the Pentaghast family." Shit. Raina knew how many times she and Isabela had been in that country. The Pentaghasts were royalty. She ran a hand slowly down her face as she let out a groan. "They say she answers only to the Divine. What's with the look Hawke? You seem as if you already know about her."

"The Seeker's come out when the Templars can't do their job," she told him, "at least that was what my father said when he first told Bethany and I about them. They're immune to blood magic and some people say they can read minds." She smirked at Varric. "Good thing you're a dwarf and stuff like that doesn't bother you, right?"

Varric huffed. "Shit," he began, "they took Bianca from me when they found me so I'm sure the woman could have beat anything she wanted out of me."

"Try not to look like you'd enjoy that," Raina teased. She had no reason to want to help the Chantry, just like she had no reason to help the mages, not while they would willingly turn to demons and blood magic. She did not want another Imperium, not after everything Fenris had told her about the country. "I'll think about talking to her, but I can't promise anything until the baby is born and possibly older."

Varric nodded. "I didn't expect anything else from you," he said, "in all honesty, I think you should leave them to their devices. You already tried to help and look where that got you." He had a point.

The oldest Hawke frowned. She didn't want to talk anymore about Seekers, Templars, mages or the Chantry. "Do you really have to leave?" She asked him. It seemed like he had just gotten there.

"Maybe Rivain will grow on me, but I'll tell you something, I'm not living in this house with the elf and Junior going at it," he replied with a wink. "Besides, Uncle Varric wants to see the little one."

Raina gave him an amused look before she turned to look at Fenris. "Uncle Varric?" the elf asked in a flat tone. She couldn't help but laugh.

"Just trying it out," Varric explained, "though Maker help her with everyone she'll be growing up around."

* * *

True to his word, Varric eventually found a place inside of the city to finally settle down in, at least for the moment. It was amazing how easily he had settled himself into Llomerryn. With everything he dealt with in Kirkwall, he would be a rich man in no time among the Raiders. Raina sighed as she wrapped her blanket around her body tighter as a cold wind came off the sea. She sat by the cliffs overlooking the beach and the ocean. Night had fallen over the island and the stars seemed bigger than mere pin pricks in the sky. A full moon hung just above her. She could see the dim lights of bon fires further down the beach and it brought back the memory of her and Fenris's first night together after their reunion. Adalia seemed to kick in response to her thoughts and she smiled.

"Soon little one," she replied. She looked up when she heard movement next to her. She smiled at Fenris as he sat down. His silver hair seemed white in the moonlight. She noticed something in his hands. "What's that?" She asked.

"A late Satinalia gift," he replied. He handed her the small box.

"I thought we weren't getting gifts."

Fenris smiled at her. "I lied." Cheeky bastard. She leaned in and kissed his cheek before she opened the box. A small gasp escaped her lips as she looked at the small onyx necklace. The black stone was long with black and white bands alternating. It was fitting, really. "I know Adalia is supposed to be born soon. I expect it to be next month and according to Isabela that would be her stone. I thought that it would look… good on you."

"I love it," she told him, "but you know that is a month earlier than what it's supposed to be."

Fenris nodded. "Let's just say that I have a feeling I'm right," he said.

"Will you put it on me?" She handed Fenris the necklace and she lifted her hair. He wrapped the necklace around her neck and clasped it in place. "So what do you think of this Cassandra person looking for me? You didn't say much when Varric brought it up."

"Carver thinks you should be worried," he told her, "and I agree."

"Mark the calendars! You and my brother actually agree on something."

"Yes, yes. Laugh at me. I'm being serious," he glared. "I told you I would be with you no matter what. Protect you no matter what. But you need to let me know what you intend to do." She had a feeling this conversation was going to come up sooner or later.

"I don't intend to do anything," she replied.

"That can't be true."

"But it is," she insisted with a small sigh. "Let them handle their business and I will handle mine. I never wanted this."

"But you started it."

That was the wrong thing to say. Raina got up onto her feet as quickly as she could. Perhaps it was quicker than she had intended because her world rocked and the ground beneath her swayed. Fenris got up to help her keep her balance. He placed his hands on her and she shrugged him off. "I did not start this ridiculous war!" She yelled and then shoved him, which wasn't as hard as she intended or had hoped for. "How could you even say that?"

"That's not what I meant," Fenris began, but she wouldn't hear it. She held up a hand as she glared at him.

"Damn it, what did you mean then?" She thought that they had gotten past the ridiculous conversation fumblings. She sucked in a deep breath. She didn't want to fight with him, Raina was aware of that much.

"I hated the abomination, but I was never more jealous of anyone in my life," he admitted. A flash of anger plagued his features.

"Fenris," she started, "it's just…"

"He's still a sore subject," the elf concluded. She watched the scowl form on his face. Contrary to popular belief, it wasn't a permanent look. "When will you ever be over that?" The scowl had turned into a look of hurt and she felt her heart drop to the pit of her stomach. She bit her lower lip.

"Did you ever get over what happened between us?" She asked him quietly.

"You should know the answer to that," he replied, "and it's not the same." Oh? How wasn't it? She crossed her arms in front of her as she looked at Fenris. She gave him a small smile. His eyebrows creased together before he looked away. She raised a hand and cupped his chin. She was careful around his markings as her thumb brushed over the skin there. She gave him a small smile. Trust seemed to be a difficult thing between them for as long as they had known each other and it was something they were still working on, but she would rather have things the way that they were than not have him at all.

"It's exactly the same," she told him softly, "but I love you. It's always been you. We just had a long road to get to here." She grabbed his hand and placed it on her stomach. To support her mother's words, Adalia kicked. "If she's not proof enough, I don't know what is." She begged him to believe her. The conversation was long overdue, she knew, but it was better late than never.

His jaw set and he nodded slowly. "I know," he said. His voice was low and dare she even say slightly vulnerable. "It's just after everything… I don't think I can go through losing you like that again."

She pulled him close and rested her head on his chest. She was glad that he had forgone his armor and she could feel the definition of his taut chest. "Neither could I."

"I have something to tell you," Fenris said as he rested his head on top of hers. She could sense the hesitation in his voice. Her eyebrow furrowed together for a moment. Uh-oh. She never liked when conversations started with that. She pulled back to give him an inquisitive look. "I've been looking for Varania. It was another reason why Varric was here."

Her fingertips brushed against his cheek before her hand found a place at the back of his neck. "I know you felt like a sense of family would help you learn about who you are," Raina explained, "but you have a family here. With me…" Her voice trailed off before she rested her head on his chest again. "One thing I've learned is that we should look to our future rather than linger in our past." Before she had a chance to say anything else, Fenris pressed her lips against hers. Well, they did say actions spoke louder than words.

* * *

"What do you think Mother would have said about all of this?" Raina looked at Carver as they strolled through the market in the city. Various merchants offered anything one could think of for sale. Rivaini Seers muttered possible life predictions for any sod that would listen. What were they there for? They needed seed to replant the herb garden with plants that thrived in the cold. They hadn't found much, but Raina knew that it was to be expected. Carver thought about visiting their dwarven friend, but she declined since he was probably busy. She also knew that he had promised to stop by later.

"Well," she paused to think about it, "She would have asked what in the Void we were thinking when we chose this place." It was the same thing that she had thought when they fled Lothering and Leandra had suggested they go to Kirkwall. "But I think she would be too focused on the fact that she was going to have her first grandchild."

"Better you than me," Carver replied with a half smirk. Raina smacked her brother in the arm. In all honesty, she knew her mother would have wanted them all to be happy. "She probably wouldn't have approved of Isabela." A snort of a laugh escaped the oldest Hawke. "What?" he asked.

Raina shook her head. "She thought you two would wind up together," she told him. "What was it that she said? Oh, right. 'If anyone could tame those two it'd be each other.' Who knew, right?" She winked at her brother, who just rolled his eyes in return.

"Can I ask you something serious though?"

She raised an eyebrow at Carver. "I would have never thought I'd see the day!" She exclaimed and lowered her voice before she continued, "It's not about Fenris and the magical child thing, is it?"

The youngest Hawke shook his head. "No," he replied. "It's just that I would have never thought if I ever had a niece, that she'd be part elf. You think she'll be like that lad, Feynriel? With elven features?" Raina knew what her brother was getting at. Adalia would always be an outsider, whether it was because her father was an elf or because her mother was a mage. The Raiders were aware of her magical abilities, but there were still a number of people who weren't.

She shrugged her shoulders. "Who knows?" A sighed escaped her. "What matters is that she'll have family that loves her."

"I'll tell you one thing," Carver started, "I like him more than I liked the abomination." It was Raina's turn to roll her eyes.

"Let's go home," she said. They made their way out of the market place and towards the end of the city that led to the beaches, but one of Isabela's Raiders stopped them. "Neil!" Raina exclaimed, surprised at the man popping up like he did. "What's wrong?"

"Ray, you better head back to your home," he gasped. He leaned over to catch his breath. What? What was he talking about? "There are Templars. They came in and caught some mages, but one is still on the run. Those that know about your sparkle-fingers think you need to lay low for awhile." Neil looked at Carver. "Bela and Varric have got the men keeping an eye out. Better get her out of here, the captain said, or it's your arse."

Carver didn't need to be told twice. Ever since the events back in Ferelden, he had kept a close and protective eye over her. "Time to go," he said quickly. She had no objection.

It was difficult for her to move quickly due to her size and the fact that Adalia was almost ready to come out. They were almost to the beaches, with their house in sight, when the heard the familiar sound of metal clashing. Raina turned her head and fear struck her body as she flashed back to Kerras looming over her. "We're not going to make it back in time," she told her brother. Carver drew out his sword that never left his side.

"It's only a small group, Sister," he said, "I know we can take them." She watched his jaw tighten and it looked like he swallowed hard. "I won't let anything happen to you again." It wasn't her life that she was worried about.

She closed her eyes and brought down the Fist of the Maker upon the oncoming group. She shot her hands out in front of her when she felt a warm sensation in her stomach. The group fell as Carver rushed for them. She prayed to whoever would listen that Fenris would see from the house what was going on. Bolts of lightning shot from her hands and she wished she had her staff. Her brother cut down some of the Templars. Where were the mages they caught? Arrows flew through the air. Some of the Raiders, with Neil leading the group, had found them. She watched some of her friends fall to the Templars' swords and she cast her best healing spells to try to help them, until one Templar got too close for comfort. A ghostly white figure went past her. Fenris. A spirit flux erupted from him to immobilize close enemies.

Another Templar grabbed her and she turned her hands to touch his armor as ice crawled up his arms to encase his body. Fenris swung his sword and the frozen man shattered into pieces. It had been awhile since she had used a lot of magic. She thought the cramps that struck her abdomen were from the lack of practice or a Templar attack, but it hurt worse than the attacks she remembered from Kirkwall years ago.

She doubled over and knew her part of the battle was over. Her hands traveled down to her lower region and felt the wetness attached to her clothes. Her water had broken. "Fenris!" She cried to him. His eyes widened at the sight of her clutching her wet clothes. It only took a moment distraction before one of the few remaining Templars gained an advantage. She watched as his sword cut through Fenris's shoulder. She screamed, but his hand went through the man's chest and he tore out his heart.

Fenris went to Raina and pulled her into his arms as best as he could. He would let the others take care of the intruders. The Raiders and her brother finished off the Templars in a well organized wave of a final attack. Arrows ripped through the air. Swords clashed. Men let out their last dying sounds. "Go!" Carver yelled. "We'll take care of the bodies!"

"Fenris, you're hurt," she said and she tried to heal him. Through her labor pains, she lost her focus and her magic crackled against his lyrium markings. It was his turn to cry out.

"I'm taking you home."

"Let me heal you!" She tried to argue with Fenris as he took her back to their home.

"It is nothing," he grunted through his teeth. "This is more important." She cried out as another wave of pain hit her. Her breathing hitched before it became a rough pattern. Her grip on him tightened.

Adalia was coming whether they liked it or not.


	14. Family

**A/N:** _Thank you to everyone who reviewed/favorite/put on alert. Thank you to Alaskantiger, Normanee and Saga for their reviews. They always make me happy. Lol Reviews are love. Thanks to __**Saga Svanhildr**__ for being my beta! _

"Blank Shell"

_Hear me when I say, when I say I believe  
Nothing's gonna change, nothing's gonna change destiny  
Whatever's meant to be will work out perfectly_

_-"Keep Holding On" by Avril Lavigne_

Raina let out a growl. "Get this fucking thing out of me before I start hurling fireballs at you all!" She writhed in pain on the bed as her companions stared at her dumbfounded. She felt like her entire body was tightening and something was pulling at her skin. Raina sucked in sharp breaths between her teeth as Fenris sat at her side. She leaned against him and gripped onto his hands.

"Well," Carver started, "we get done with one danger, only to face another."

"Watch your words carefully, brother," the oldest Hawke warned. Her eyes narrowed at him and he had to look away for a moment as she winced in pain from the contractions. She made a motion to a shelf of untouched potions. "Give me one."

"Which one?"

"Any one!" She yelled. Her breathing quickened. Knowing the baby was coming soon, she had collected ingredients for numbing potions, draughts, and health poultices. She was the only mage around and she knew she was going to have to make do with what she had. She leaned forward and propped her legs up. Carver handed her a potion and she quickly downed it. "I can't do this by myself."

"Would one of you be so kind as to help?" Fenris asked. His voice rose over Raina's next yelp of pain. His eyes narrowed at them so they would know that he wasn't giving them an option.

"I can't do this," Carver said as he paled. He glanced at Isabela. "Bela, you do it."

The pirate scoffed. "Me?" She asked. "What in the Void for?"

"Well you heard Hawke, she's going to start throwing fireballs and I'm very fond of my hair…no matter where it is," Varric replied.

"You're a woman," the ex Templar explained, "So it should come easy, right?" The Rivaini narrowed her eyes at him and the man took a step back.

"Fine," she groaned and grabbed several wash rags and a bowl of water. She set them down on the night stand and placed her hands on her hips. "Well," she said as she looked at her friend, "this wasn't exactly how I pictured it would be when I finally got you on your back, but I guess I can't complain."

"You'll be complaining in a few minutes," Fenris growled at her. The pirate queen chortled as she winked at the elf.

Isabela widened Raina's legs. "You boys might want to look away," she called over her shoulder. "My, my. It is pretty." She glanced up and smirked at Fenris. "Calm down, I'm kidding."

"Do you know what you're doing?" Raina asked breathlessly.

Her friend shrugged one shoulder. "How hard could it be?" Suddenly, Raina was worried. "Oh don't look at me like that, I told you my mother was a Seer, at least pretended to be, you don't think she never delivered a baby?" She watched the dark skinned woman cringe. "I see its head. Oh, you know what they say. Push!"

Raina's grip tightened on Fenris and she pushed. A frustrated yell escaped her. She looked up at Fenris. "This is all your fault," she snarled at him.

The corners of the elf's mouth turned upright in a smirk. "I believe it was a joint effort."

"Alright, kitten," Isabela started as she leaned in closer to her lady bits. "A few good pushes and the little one will be out." She grabbed a wash rag and dipped it into the bowl of water. She rung the water out and handed it to Fenris to put on Raina's forehead. He put it around her neck instead as Raina shot him a glare. "Another potion would be nice from our spectators!"

Carver grabbed one and shoved it into Varric's hands before he shoved the dwarf forward. He looked away. "Maker, I can't watch."

Raina downed the potion that her friend had given her and the pain subsided for a moment. She dug her face into Fenris's side. The cool metal of his armor was welcomed against her feverish forehead. "This is exhausting," she said.

"You can do it," he reassured her. "You've always been able to do anything."

The boost of confidence was enough for Raina to push again. Isabela let out a light gasp. "What?" The oldest Hawke asked quickly as she sat up. Panic grazed her features. "What's-" Before she could finish her question another pain rippled through her and she let out a yell.

"Push, damn it!" Isabela yelled back and she did. The next thing she knew, her body tensed. Then she felt like a puddle against the bed. Every muscle in her body had gone into relaxation mode as the cries of a newborn baby hit the air. The pirate turned away to wash the baby and then wrapped it in a small blanket before handing it over to Raina. "You were right," her friend said. "It's a girl."

The moment Raina set her eyes on the child she knew why Isabela had let out a gasp of surprise. The tuft of white hair was certainly an eye catcher. Her skin was a soft white and while she was human, Raina could make out the elven features that she shared with Fenris. She did her best to cradle the child close, but it was difficult with exhaustion threatening to overtake her. "She looks just like you," she whispered. She turned her head to look up at Fenris who offered her a small smile. She watched his eyes redden and he looked away for a moment. She smiled softly back at him. Weakness was not something he knew how to express. He wiped at his eyes. _Big softie_, she thought.

Fenris turned his gaze back to their child and reached out to her. One finger gently stroked the baby's cheek. "She is beautiful," he said. He looked at Isabela. "Thank you."

The pirate shrugged her shoulders. "Someone had to do it," she said. She winked at him before she nudged Carver forward. "Go look at your niece, you oaf."

The youngest Hawke went forward to join the new parents after he grabbed a potion for his sister to help her regain her endurance. Raina looked at her brother and smiled. "So this is little Adalia?" He asked. She nodded. "She's so tiny." The baby's tiny hand extended out and grabbed Carver's finger. "Nice to meet you too," he said with a small laugh. He handed the potion to his sister. "I thought you might need this.

"Thank you," she said and took it. She could feel her strength slowly coming back as she offered Fenris a chance to hold his daughter. He cradled her in his hands gingerly as he stared for a moment. It was still a surreal feeling for Adalia to be with them. Not that long ago they were fighting Templars and now they had a new addition to the family.

* * *

She was such a little thing. Fenris felt his breath catch in his throat. Never in his life, well the parts that he could remember, had he ever expected this to happen. He had forgotten the wounds that he had received earlier. He felt a warm sensation in his side and he winced slightly as he looked at Raina. It seemed that she had not. She had that look in her eyes that usually drove him absolutely mad, but he couldn't help but feel…happy. Adalia made a whimpering noise. He held her closer to him. He whispered the only blessing he knew in Arcanum. He kissed the top of her head. She was so delicate, he was afraid he was going to hurt her.

He watched as her eyes opened for only a brief moment. He saw a familiar flash of blue. It was a much lighter color than Raina's, but he dismissed it. Maybe it was the lighting, or some green from his own eyes that made them lighter. He made a promise to be there for her and it was a promise that he was going to keep.

He glanced up at Carver, who nodded in return. Finally, the two were able to reach a mutual agreement.

"Maker," Varric started as Adalia started to wail, "she certainly has her mother's set of vocals."

The whole room erupted into laughter as Raina reached for Addi. "She's probably hungry," she told him. He handed her over and nodded. He turned away to give her privacy and headed out of the room.

The others followed in suit. "Well," Isabela was the first to speak, "I think I did a good job." Fenris looked at the pirate as a smug expression graced her features. "Remember what I said when we first saw each other again in Cumberland?" When she sauntered into the tavern, he thought it was by chance, but now, he wasn't so sure. Had she had everything planned from the beginning? Part of Fenris thought that maybe Isabela was smarter than she gave herself credit for.

"Yes." He'd never be able to forget.

"I think you've done just that," she said with a smile. Then she switched to her serious mode. "Do you remember what I said that night on the beach?" Was there a point to this questioning?

"Do I want to know?" Carver interjected.

"I won't break her heart again," he told her.

"Good," Isabela said, "Because that goes for the little one as well."

"I thought it was my job to make those kinds of threats," the youngest Hawke said. Isabela moved past Fenris and patted Carver on the shoulder.

"Yes," she cooed, "and you do it so well, but I've got this one covered."

Varric and Fenris exchanged glances and the dwarf just shrugged his shoulders. "I want to talk about those Templars," the elf said to the three of them.

"They're handled," Carver replied.

Fenris's eyebrows creased together. He was sure of that, at least for now. But there would be more. There were always more. "Do we know what tipped them off to her?" Varric asked.

"The one that escaped them spotted her. In exchange for his life, he was willing to give away hers," Isabela answered gruffly. "One of my boys was able to get the information. They're making sure no more got away to be able to tell them where she is."

"It's amazing," Carver started, "that no matter what side she picked, they both still want her dead."

"It's what the Seeker said," Varric added, "She may be the only one that can stop this war."

Fenris looked back at the room where they had left Raina and Adalia. "We have to move again."

Isabela rolled her eyes. "Don't be ridiculous. Those two are in no condition to make any kind of trip." He knew it, but he didn't want it to be that way. He wanted to take them away, far away from where any Templar or mage could reach them. He thought about Seheron, but the slayer of the Arishok would not be welcome in Qunari land. He would not go back to Tevinter. The Anderfels could have been appealing, but it was too long of a trip at that moment. Orlais and Nevarra were out of the question, along with the Free Marches.

A snarl of frustration left his lips as he glared at her. "What do you expect me to do then?" He demanded. "I will not leave them vulnerable to danger."

"And you think we want that?" Carver asked.

This argument was going nowhere. He could argue in circles with them, but they would not reach a mutual agreement. The only thing that they could agree on was the fact that they wanted to keep Raina and Adalia safe.

"Fenris," Isabela sighed, "in case you have forgotten, Raina has been a part of this city for a long time. She is Rivaini by proxy and the Llomerryn people protect their own. She and the baby are safest here." That was a point Fenris knew he couldn't argue.

* * *

Night had fallen and the house was quiet. Isabela, Carver and Varric had retired for the night and Fenris knew he was the only one that was awake. The only sounds in the house were the soft noises from the sea coming in. It was on nights like this that he had preferred to be the only one awake, but his attention tonight was on the little girl sleeping on her mother's chest. He leaned against the doorframe and crossed his arms in front of his chest. Adalia squirmed slightly on Raina's chest and stuck her fist in her mouth. Fenris couldn't help but smile.

He would have laughed if someone had told him he'd be in the position that he was now. He looked down at his healing wounds from earlier that day. He lifted up his shirt and saw all that was left was a faint mark. His thumb traced over it and he put his shirt back down. He glanced back at Raina. It seemed that they had both saved each other in many ways. Isabela told him that he brought Raina back to life. What the pirate didn't know was that the mage had done the exact same thing for him as well.

During the two years between leaving Kirkwall and being found by Isabela, he hadn't felt like himself. Well, should he say he hadn't felt like he was the person he was when he had Raina around? It had taken him some time to rid himself of his hatred of mages, but it was that dark-haired woman that taught him that not all mages were magisters. It had also taken him awhile to get over her relationship with the abomination. He sighed a bit as he ran his hands through his snowy hair. He had been lost after he left, wandering from place to place. Without the worry of slavers, he didn't know what to do with himself. He had been in Ostwick when he heard what happened in the Gallows. He had regretted leaving in that moment, but his stubbornness had hindered his desire to go back. She didn't need him. She had Anders.

When he found out she killed him… he didn't believe Isabela. He thought that she was just lying to get him back to her ship, but why would she lie? He knew that she hadn't before when it came to her friend… A small groan escaped him. Why was he thinking about those things? A loud cry broke through his thoughts and he turned his attention to Adalia, who was waking up. With small swift movements, he was by the bed and had her in his arms.

"Ssh." Fenris cradled her head gently against his shoulder. "I have you." Adalia pressed a wet, slobber covered fist against his chin as she let out a noise of protest. "Stubborn indeed," he muttered. He pressed his lips against the soft skin on top of her head. He still couldn't believe her hair was as white as his. Yes, because she needed more things in her life to make her stand out. Addi let out a cry. "I'm sorry," he apologized, "I didn't mean it." He craned his neck back to look at her. She had her lower lip puckered out. She was her mother's daughter. "I have a feeling that look will be the death of me."

A light chuckle surprised him. He turned his head to see Raina smiling up at him. Her features were still sleep-ridden, but she was beautiful. "I remember you telling me the same thing," she said.

He returned the smile. "I didn't mean to wake you."

Raina started to sit up slowly and propped her body up with her elbows. "I was already awake," she told him before she sat up. "I was just watching you two."

"She's still crying," he said. "Am I terrible at this?"

Raina laughed a little and was only rewarded with a scowl. "I'm not laughing at you, love," she told him. "You're not terrible. She's just hungry." She extended her arms out to Adalia and Fenris handed her over. He watched as the baby found her mother's breast and he shook his head. "See?"

His eyebrows furrowed together for a moment. "How do you know these things?"

Her fingers stroked the back of Adalia's head gently. "I remember a few things from when Carver and Bethany were born," she replied. A small sigh escaped her as she leaned back against the headboard. A moment of silence fell between them. Fenris could see that she wanted to ask something. He didn't want her to feel like she couldn't.

"Do you have something you wish to ask?"

Raina hesitated. "Of all the memories you've gotten back, have you remembered anything from when you were younger?"

Fenris glanced away for a moment. "Just one thing," he told her. "Varania and I playing in our master's gardens. My mother would come in and scoop us into her arms. I remember her smelling of honey and lilacs. She would sing a small tune and nestle her face into our hair." He looked back at her and shrugged one shoulder. "That's it."

"I'm sorry."

Fenris shook his head. "Don't be." He moved to sit next to her. "They belong to a string of memories that make up my past." He ran a hand through his hair. "One thing I've learned is to live for what comes next." He brought one leg up to his body and rested an arm on top of his knee. "Perhaps I should focus on the memories we could make now… with her."

"Why, Fenris," Raina began, "I do believe you've finally started to listen to me."

He let out a short laugh and leaned in to kiss her cheek. His fingertips feathered over Adalia's tiny shoulder. "Don't get used to it."


	15. The Truth

**A/N:** _Thank you to everyone who reviewed/favorite/put on alert. Reviews are love. Thanks to __**Saga Svanhildr**__ for being my beta! Sorry about the big time jump. I honestly couldn't think of anything for the in between. Don't hate me too much! –much love- _

"Blank Shell"

_Tick tock hear the clock countdown  
Wish the minute hand could be rewound  
So much to do and so much I need to say  
Will tomorrow be too late_

_-"One Day Too Late" by Skillet _

Four years. It had been four wonderful years. Well… wonderful for their family. Raina tilted her head to the side as her toes curled into the white, warm sand. Her blue eyes watched Fenris and Adalia run through the water. Well, it was mostly Addi running and her father chasing her. Varric had arrived a few days ago from his trip back to Kirkwall with a letter from Aveline. Her hands went to the pockets of her clothes and pulled out the piece of parchment.

_R,_

_Kirkwall has finally settled. We managed to rebuild the Circle and fix all of the damage throughout the city. Cullen runs the Templars now. I'd say we are lucky to be the only city with order. Word has it King Alistair has his hands full in Ferelden, but at least he's able to keep things stable. There is war in Orlais. Sebastian's closed Starkhaven's borders. Antiva is having a ball with all of the chaos… Some people are looking for you, a woman in particular. It may do you some good to speak with her. Not for our sakes, but for the future world that your daughter will be living in. I will try to visit soon._

_-A._

Raina closed the letter and put it back inside of her pocket. She looked up again to see Fenris looking at her. She offered him a small smile. He had read what was in the letter. They couldn't put it off for much longer. She watched Adalia tug on Fenris's arm. He looked down quickly and scooped her up. A bubbling laughter echoed over the sounds of the waves coming onto the beach. "Not for our sakes," she whispered the line in Aveline's letter. Soon the war would catch up to them. It was already closing in on them quickly. Soon they would have to fight.

She reached up a hand and rubbed the back of her neck. It wasn't a future that she was looking forward to, but she supposed that it was one that she had helped create. Intentionally or not. Damn Anders. Damn him to the Void. That was where he belonged. She felt used all over again as she thought about it. Was the Maker toying with her again? Were the trials that she had had to go through already not enough? It was hardly fair at all.

"Mama!" Despite her thoughts, Raina found herself smiling like a fool when she heard a tiny voice squeal. She extended her arms out and the little girl ran into her arms.

She kissed the top of her snowy white hair. Adalia nestled in her mother's lap as Fenris took a seat next to them; one leg extended in front of him while the other was pulled up to his body. He propped an arm on top of his knee and stared out into the sea. "What's on your mind?" Raina asked him. She bit her lower lip, half afraid to find out the answer.

"Can't we just ignore them?" He asked quietly. Raina's eyebrows furrowed together slightly. Was she hearing correctly? The fierce warrior wasn't willing to find himself in a fight? She had noticed his demeanor calming as of late, but had dismissed it to being mellowed out by fatherhood.

"Adalia, go find mummy some shells, yeah?" She asked. The little girl nodded and set back off to the ocean and Raina turned her head back to her love. "That doesn't sound like the Fenris I know." A cheeky grin spread across her features as she winked playfully at him.

He shrugged one shoulder before he fell back onto the sand, still looking at her. "Perhaps things change." It was surprising to hear these things from him. Then again, over the years she and Fenris had become more reserved. They only fought when they had to, she only used magic when it was necessary, they didn't leave with Isabela, and they didn't exactly socialize because they wanted to be left alone.

"I didn't think you were one to change."

"I'm not." Raina watched his lyrium markings glisten in the sunlight as he buried his face in his hands for a moment and drug them down his face. "Well," he started, "I have more than myself to think about now." For so long it had been the opposite, and she wondered if it was hard for him. She, on the other hand, had spent most of her life looking after Bethany and Carver and then after their father died, she had to look after her mother as well.

It was pleasing to hear, really. Mostly because she remembered what he was like the first time that they met and the many arguments that they had had in the years to follow. She looked to make sure Adalia was still in her view. She watched the little girl bend over and pick up something like she was inspecting it. It reminded her of Bethany and it made her miss her sister, but she did have the attitude of her father. "We both do," Raina said softly. She glanced back at Fenris and leaned back, propping her body up by her elbows. "We'll find out soon enough if she has magical powers."

The thought was still a touchy subject. She was surprised to see the smile spread across his features. "Well then I think she'd finally be taking after you," he said. Raina rolled her eyes and smirked as she hit his side.

Growing up had taken them some time, but they grew together and they had a beautiful daughter to show for it. The eldest Hawke checked on Adalia again and that's when she saw a familiar boat in the distance. "Isabela's back."

"Oh joy," Fenris added a small groan at the end. He winked at her and she shook her head.

"What do you think she was doing?"

"Oh, they didn't tell you?" The surprise on the elf's voice was evident. Raina remained silent. "I'll take that as a no…"

"Are you going to tell me?"

"They went to Denerim. Carver petitioned to the king about a safe return to Ferelden for the family." Raina felt her body stiffen. She hadn't known. She hadn't even thought about returning to their home country. "We can't raise Adalia here. Not when Templars and other mages are getting closer."

"You want to go to Ferelden?" Now that… she had trouble believing.

"It can't be all that bad," he said.

"I don't want to hear you complain about the smell of wet dog."

Fenris smirked. "I guess we'll find out the decision when they get back."

* * *

Raina had just finished cleaning Adalia up from playing in the sand when Carver and Isabela finally came in. "Hey!" She greeted them. The little one greeted her aunt and uncle with a hug. Yes, aunt and uncle since the two had gotten married a year before. Raina still couldn't believe Carver managed to tie the pirate down. Her face scrunched slightly at the thought, which she didn't want to continue because knowing those two, the phrase would take a very dirty turn. She felt an arm snake around her waist and she leaned into Fenris's lean frame. "So…" She started. "Fenris told me why you were gone. What did King Alistair say?"

Carver sighed a bit. The sullen look on his face made her heart drop surprisingly. She had hoped to be able to go back to Ferelden in the short time that she had known about that plan. Raina sighed a bit and nodded before a broad grin spread across her brother's face. "He said he'd be happy to have the Champion back in Ferelden," he told her.

"Really?"

"Well it's about the only functioning country, so it only makes sense, right?" He asked.

She smiled and threw her arms around her brother. It was glorious to hear. It really was. They could start over again, perhaps back in Lothering. She had heard they finished rebuilding. Maybe to Highever in the bustle of the city; they said the Teryn was a kind man. Things were suddenly falling into place. It was meant to be, she was sure of it.

"Thank you," she said before kissing his cheek.

"Oh, there's one more thing," Isabela said with a grin. Raina looked at her questioningly. "Aw, come on big girl!"

She looked back at Carver. "Did you let her trade with the Antivans again with that herbal… smoking stuff?" She didn't even know what to call it. Her brother held up his hands in defense while still holding Adalia in one arm.

"I stopped that, thank you very much, now look!" Isabela let out a low groan and Raina did what she asked.

She looked past her to see a familiar flash of red hair. Well, she hadn't expected this visit so soon. "Aveline!" She exclaimed as she greeted her old friend and Donnic.

"It's good to see you," Donnic said, "it's about time this one got out of the city." He made a motion to his wife.

The red head sighed and rolled her eyes. "I'm never going on that blasted boat of hers ever again," she groaned. She heard Isabela let out a short laugh. "I swear I don't know whether she steers that way on purpose or not." Raina gave the red head a small smile.

"You love it," Isabela said. She looked up at her pirate friend and received a wink.

"I know," the eldest Hawke said as she turned her attention back to Aveline. "I was a part of her crew, remember?"

She looked up at the broad shouldered woman who looked like she was at a loss for words. "Hawke… I…" Raina pulled her friend into a long hug. She had missed the woman more than she had thought she would. When she lost Bethany, she lost a sister, but she had gained one as well.

"I missed you too, Aveline," she told her and pulled back.

She really did. She had been able to see all of her old friends except for Sebastian, but that was understandable, he had his own people to look after. He had offered her family a place of solace and safe harbor in Starkhaven but she knew that it was too risky to go there. She didn't want to give him more trouble than he already had. She wasn't sure where Merrill was. The last she had heard about the Dalish elf was that she had managed to join another clan in Orlais.

"Isn't that sweet?" Isabela chimed in. Fenris and Donnic let out an awkward cough as the red haired woman whipped around to face the Rivaini.

"Shut it, whore." The two stared at each other for a moment and much to Raina's enjoyment the two women burst out in a raucous laughter.

"Not in front of the little one," Carver said.

"She's heard worse," Fenris added.

Aveline and Donnic both laughed. "Considering who she's around all the time," Donnic said with a grin.

Adalia jumped from her uncle's arms to her mothers. Raina pressed a kiss against her daughter's cheek. "Addi, meet Aveline and Donnic," she said. Both seemed to be in awe by the child with white hair and piercing blue eyes. The little girl extended her hand out. Raina decided that she didn't like the look on Aveline's face as she stared at her little girl. There was a sense of recognition but then again, why wouldn't there be? She looked like a mixture of her parents.

The moment of silence that had popped in the group was enough to make anyone uncomfortable. "Who's up for a drink?" Isabela practically shouted. Thank the Maker.

* * *

The sun shone high in the sky. Aveline decided to help Raina with cleaning up inside while the others stayed out. Isabela couldn't be bothered with being asked to do such a thing; it wasn't her idea of work. Not that Raina minded. She liked the alone time that it gave her with her old friend.

"She's beautiful, you know," the red head broke the silence.

Raina turned her head to look at her friend. "Thank you," she said with a smile. "What about you? Have you and Donnic…" Her voice trailed off when she saw the pained look on Aveline's face.

"No," she replied, "I'm just…not exactly ready to give up everything that I do for a child." She made a face. "That might sound selfish of me." She could understand. When Raina had to look after the city, grant it she was still so young at the time, she couldn't be bothered with even thinking about the possibility of _wanting_ children. Anders had spoken of it once, but she quickly dismissed it. Fenris had never talked about it until they were forced to.

"Not at all," she said softly. "You do good work. Varric told me they offered you Viscountess." She looked at Aveline. "But something tells me that you're still Captain of the Guard."

The other woman let out a short laugh. "Well, you know me," she replied, "Someone has to keep the men in order and Viscountess…really? That's too many politics to play with the nobles. Something I know you miss."

Raina let out a loud laugh. "Oh yes," she said, "I miss that every day." She really didn't. She didn't even want to be Champion of Kirkwall, it had just ended up that way. Someone had to stand against the Qunari and she wasn't going to give Isabela to the Arishok. "Who do they have now?"

"There is no one but Cassandra Pentaghast and Knight Commander Cullen to run the city."

The mage paused and if she had had anything in her hands, it would have dropped to the ground. "What?" She knew the name. It was the name of the woman who had been looking for her. "Is that why you're here?" She asked. "You could've mentioned that in your letter! It seems awfully presumptuous of the Chantry to just implant themselves so freely there."

"And who else would you have suggested? The Templars barely have control of the mages in the city, and those are the ones who want the Circle. Cullen is the Knight Commander and he wasn't going to take the position. The Chantry wants to gain control again and after what Anders did, is it such a bad idea?"

Raina couldn't believe what she was hearing. "In case you're forgetting," she told her, "I might have killed Anders and I might have wanted order, but I'm still a mage. My daughter might even be one. If the Chantry is in ultimate control, where do you think that'll lead me?"

Aveline shook her head. "You were Kirkwall's champion, Raina, you could change things for the better. Keep order and live your life. All you have to do is talk to Cassandra."

"Are you going to tell her where I am?" Hawke's voice was cold for the first time ever to her friend.

"I would never." Some how she didn't believe her.

"You don't see it, do you?" Aveline asked quietly.

"What?"

Aveline turned her back to her to look outside. "Anders left more than just a martyred name," she replied quietly. "I thought it was just a trick of the light, or I was seeing something… but have you ever looked into your daughters eyes?"

Raina felt her chest heave. "Stop that. She's Fenris's." That was obvious enough, or maybe the Captain of the Guard in Kirkwall had taken one too many blows on the head.

"Has she ever been trouble?" She didn't know where Aveline was going with this line of questioning. The other woman crossed her arms in front of her body. What was the point? What was she trying to say? It was difficult to judge, but Raina knew she was waiting for a response, a response that she was sure that she didn't want to give.

"Never."

"Unlike most kids, don't you say? How is she with others?"

Raina shook her head. "How?" She asked, turning the questions back at her. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"…the City Guards has been receiving Seeker training," Aveline told her.

"Why?" She asked.

"Because we want order. We want things to be like they were." She couldn't believe it. Her friend had never been a believer, never been one for the Chantry, but desperate times really do call for desperate measures.

Raina frowned. "Things can never be like they were."

"You and I both know you don't believe that," Aveline said softly. "Carver told me that a mage in the Ferelden Circle said you lost your child and then the next day she's alive. It's not…It's not her soul in there. The blue of her eyes. Raina, you spent the most time with Anders. How can you say you don't know what I'm talking about?" Her eyebrows furrowed together for a moment. "Didn't you know Adalia means justice in old Alamarri?"

She felt her legs give in, but she caught herself against the wall before she completely fell. She closed her eyes and a brief flash of a man in the Fade took over. "Oh Maker, forgive me. I remember. I remember what happened."

**A/N: **_So I felt like I needed to weave the Seekers a bit more in the story. You'll see why. Hope you guys like._


	16. Coming Down

**A/N:** _Thank __you __to __everyone __who __reviewed/favorite/put __on __alert. __Reviews __are __love. __Thanks __to __**Saga **__**Svanhildr **__for __being __my __beta! Sorry it took so long to update. I hope you guys enjoy. :D_

"Blank Shell"

_I tried to look the other way_

_But I couldn't turn around_

_It's ok for you to hate me_

_For all the things I've done_

_I've made a few mistakes_

_But I'm not the only one_

_-"Coming Down" by Five Finger Death Punch_

Raina shook. She had no idea if she had ever been so visibly upset before. Fenris walked in and Aveline froze slightly. She wondered if the red-head realized what she had just done. "What happened?" His voice echoed through the quiet room. His accusatory glare went straight to Aveline. Raina brought her legs up to her body and buried her face between her knees. Maker, this wasn't happening. He was going to hate her. He'd never forgive her.

"I think it's best if you two are alone for now," Aveline said. Raina listened as the other woman walked out of the home.

"Would you like to explain what's going on?" Fenris asked slowly. She hesitated to look up at him. She closed her eyes and let out a slow breath before she lifted her head to look at him.

She wanted to tell him no, but he deserved the truth. "You don't want to know, Fenris. Believe me." He took a few steps toward her to close the space between them. He knelt down in front of her and she felt his hand against her cheek. His thumb brushed along her cheekbone. A small smile spread across his features but she could see the fear lingering in his eyes. She knew him all too well for that to be ignored.

"It can't be that bad," he said softly. "Tell me."

"Do you remember when we thought Adalia was dead, and then the next day she was alive?" She asked slowly.

Fenris withdrew his hand. "What of it?" Raina had to keep reminding herself that Adalia was their child. Justice had just wanted to make up for the grief that he had caused them. There had been no signs of the spirit. For all they knew, Addi wasn't a mage either.

"The night before I knew she was alive, Justice visited me in the Fade. He wanted to make up for the grief caused by him and Anders. He offered to be born in Adalia's body, but he would be gone so she could live her life."

The elf stood up quickly and turned away from her. He was angry. "And you trusted him?" He asked, bitterness lacing his voice.

"I needed her to live, can't you understand that?" She asked, voice shaking. Wouldn't he have done the same? Didn't he want her to be alive? She had seen a side of him that she had never known existed when Adalia was around and in the next few moments, she would see the Fenris she remembered from back in Kirkwall.

He whirled around. "It was not meant to be! How could you be stupid enough to trust him after everything he did?" His face twisted in fury. Were they going to fight? Their daughter didn't need to see this. She hoped that Carver and Isabela could keep her busy enough outside.

"I was willing to take the chance," she replied quietly. "This isn't about Anders, Fenris. This is about us. I thought you trusted me, but we're back to square one, aren't we?"

He looked away from her. "It's just another thing that mage has tried to take away from me." His hand curled into a fist. "And you let him, _again_."

His words had been like a slap to the face. Her lower lip quivered as she scrambled to her feet. "No," she said. "I did it for her. That little girl out there. I did it for us." She was desperate to get him to listen. He was hurt. They could have lived their lives in complete ignorant bliss about the truth. It was Aveline's fault…and she called herself a friend. "Please, Fenris." She reached out and touched his arm but he reeled back.

"Don't touch me," he hissed between his teeth.

"She's still your daughter." He had to see that.

"Is she?" The tears fell after he said that. Terrible, scorching and defeating tears, but he would not waver from his anger. "That will not work, Hawke. You did this."

"How…" she started. She was at a loss for words. Unable to get a firm grip on what she wanted to say, she swallowed hard and wrapped her arms around her body. "Can you honestly say we would still be together if it wasn't for her?"

His eyes narrowed. "The fact that you need to ask that says enough," he spat. She was just making things worse. Maker help her. He couldn't leave. He promised. He promised he'd never leave her again. She watched as he headed for the door.

"Fenris!" She cried. Raina was in danger of reverting to the sad shell that she was after everyone she had ever loved had left her. She had managed to get some of them back, but it seemed it would always be a pattern for her. "Don't go!" She took a few steps forward but didn't have the heart to continue. "Please…" But he wouldn't listen and slammed the door as he left.

* * *

Fenris couldn't look at them. He knew they were staring. Carver, Isabela, Aveline, Donnic and… Adalia. He couldn't look at the snowy-haired girl. His heart would break and he wasn't sure if it could be mended. "Daddy?" The smallest voice seemed the loudest. "Daddy!" She called a little bit louder, but Fenris kept walking. He heard the others call out his name as well, but he wouldn't turn around.

He heard a child running, but she couldn't keep up with his long strides. The cries that followed killed him. He wanted to take his anger and just throw it away, to forget about it and scoop her up into his arms. "I'm sorry," he apologized under his breath.

"Daddy, wait!" He couldn't do it anymore.

The desperate cries and the clear distress in her voice made him stop. He turned in time to see Adalia enter a ghost phase thanks to the lyrium passed down from him. He had never expected her to inherit anything. Of all things, some of his…abilities, without having to go through the pain that he did. He hadn't expected her magic to manifest at such an early age, but considering who her parents were, he knew that he shouldn't be surprised. The next shock was the eruption of ice around her. So she was a mage after all. The hate he had once felt didn't show itself. All nervousness about her abilities was gone.

"Oh, my little one," he started as he fell to his knees. He extended his arms out and she shifted back into her normal self. "Step carefully so you don't slip on the ice." He sighed. "I'm sorry," he apologized and kissed the top of her head. She was his. She was completely his.

"I was calling you," she said, her words slightly slurred by the young child's lisp. He gave her a small smile.

"Forgive me?" He asked.

The blue in her eyes was indeed a recognizable blue. It wasn't the color of her mothers, no; he had been ignorant and blind to it. Knowing now that she had kept something like that from him was actually hurting him. He thought that after all that time; they would have been able to get past it.

Adalia nodded furiously. "Don't do that again, daddy."

The corners of his lips upturned. "I promise." He sighed heavily and looked back at their home. He could feel Carver's cold gaze fall on him. Fenris looked back at his daughter. "Daddy has to go away for a while, but I will be back, understand?"

"Yesh," she replied. He leaned in and kissed her forehead.

"Keep your mother company, she needs you now." With that being said, he watched as Adalia bounded off to find her mother. Fenris stood up and watched her disappear into the house before he continued his trek into town.

* * *

He went to a familiar pub. One that he was comfortable in and one where he knew he'd be found, just in case he was needed. He sighed heavily as he pushed through the heavy wooden door. He went to his usual spot and the man behind the bar handed him a pint. Fenris lifted the mug in appreciation and took a long swig. He didn't plan on getting piss drunk, even if he had it wouldn't have made a difference. He felt himself lurch forward and he whirled around to face whoever had hit him.

You could imagine the lack of surprise when he saw an angry Carver standing before him. "What?" Fenris asked, voice sharp as he stared at the younger Hawke.

"You really are an ass," the former Templar told him.

The elf rolled his eyes. "And you're one to talk?" Fenris couldn't help but laugh. "I seem to recall you were rather anxious to leave her side because she left you behind."

Carver's response was a punch to the face. How very human of him. Fenris reeled back for a moment and then jumped in attack. His fist made its own connection to the other man's jaw. He felt a crunch behind his fingers as Carver's nose broke. The dark haired man flipped him over and punched Fenris in the face, who felt his lip split at the force.

"How could you just walk away from them?" He demanded. "That's your family!"

"Don't be such a hypocrite!" Fenris yelled back at him. "Do you know what she did?"

"I don't care! And you shouldn't either!"

Fists flew and Carver started to get the better of him. Fenris knew it wasn't because he was the better warrior; it was because the other man had been right. His self loathing tendencies and hate, or rather jealousy, against…Anders had gotten in the way. He watched as Donnic pulled Carver away from him. His old friend said something to the youngest Hawke before turning back to him as he offered a hand.

Fenris took it and Donnic helped him to his feet. "You could have helped."

The man smirked a bit. "That's his sister you walked out on. From my understanding, of course I couldn't."

"You don't understand," he grumbled. Carver whipped back around and opened his mouth to say something but Donnic stopped him.

"No," he said, "I don't, but my friend, you're lucky to even have a child. I've wanted one with Aveline for a long time, but she isn't ready… I don't think she ever will be. It doesn't matter what was said or what was done. You love your child and from that scene before you left, she's going to need your help."

Fenris looked away, stubbornness kicking in. "What if that spirit shows itself again?" He asked. "I will not…" His voice broke and he coughed. "I will not allow her to go through what we all saw Anders go through."

"She isn't Anders," Carver said and Fenris shot him a glare.

"Shut up, Carver," Donnic started and turned back to his friend. "He does have a point, you know. You don't know. Why don't you ask Raina? You know, speak like a normal couple instead of spitting rages and animosity towards each other when one of you does something stupid."

"She probably doesn't wish to see me," Fenris replied.

"Don't be daft, elf," Carver snapped.

"What Carver is trying to say," Donnic interrupted, "is that you should go home. Make it up to her, talk it out, and listen to what she has to say."

Fenris nodded. "I will."

* * *

"Why are you sad, mommy?" Raina turned to see Adalia in the doorway, with Isabela behind her. "Is it because of what I did?" The oldest Hawke raised an eyebrow. What she did? She glanced at Isabela for an explanation.

"Addi here went ghost and iced the entire front yard," her pirate friend told her. Raina felt her mouth gape open slightly. How… She was too young. She moved to her feet and looked to see the glistening ice against the green grass as it started to melt underneath the sun.

She looked back at her daughter. Four years old… Well, Raina had developed her abilities when she was only six, so it wasn't much of a stretch. "Oh, mommy is not sad because of that," she told her. "She's very, very proud." Addi beamed up at her mother as Raina bent down and moved some hair out of her daughter's face. "You're a very special young girl. Mommy loves you. Yes?" Adalia nodded furiously. "Why don't you go to your room while I talk to Aunt Bela."

The little girl bounded past her and she listened as Isabela sighed heavily. "How you holding up, kitten?" She asked.

"Did he leave?"

A shadow fell over Isabela's dark features. "I swore if he did it again, I was going to gut that elf." Her jaw set. "What happened?"

"Where's Aveline?" She asked.

"She thought it best to stay outside, so I'm guessing the ol' big girl has something to do with it too," Isabela replied.

Raina swallowed hard. "No. It was just me." And Justice. Finally, she told her old friend everything that had happened and everything that she had remembered.

The pirate let out a long whistle. "Well things certainly never get dull with you," she said. "Carver and Donnic went after Fenny." Isabela paused. "Do you need anything?"

Raina shook her head. She shrugged one shoulder before they slumped in defeat. "Him." Did she really have to go through losing him for a second time? The Maker's sense of humor was slowly wearing down on her and it hurt. She didn't want to lose him. Adalia needed her father. As dysfunctional as their little family unit was these days, they needed each other. At least she was convinced of that much.

Isabela pulled her into a hug and glanced behind her, out of the window. "Looks like you won't have to wait long." Raina pulled back quickly.

"What?"

Isabela pulled back and the door opened. She whistled. "Ads! Let's go play freeze with Uncle Carver." The little girl ran out of her room to her aunt.

"Bela!" She exclaimed, exasperated. Her friend just winked in response.

"Daddy!" She exclaimed and wrapped her arms around Fenris's thin leg. "I'm going to go play freeze with Aunt Bela and Uncle Carver." A small smile spread across his features.

"Have fun," he said. He looked at Raina and didn't speak until the door shut behind him so they were alone. "Ray, I…"

"I can't believe you left," she said as she took advantage of him trying to search for the right words. "I thought we were passed this."

"I know," he agreed. "I'm sorry." He took a step towards her. She raised her chin, ready for anything he had to say. "Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"I think I wanted to forget. Justice said that… I wouldn't remember and we could be happy." Of course. It all came down to Justice and Anders. She could see that on his face. "He wanted to make things right. The way that I see it, Fenris, was that it was a blessing."

"Can we not have one thing that doesn't involve _Anders_?" Fenris said the mages name like it was acid rotting at his tongue. Raina sighed heavily and she moved until the space between them had been completely closed. She took his hand in hers and smiled softly at him. Of course there were things that didn't involve Anders. He had been long gone and though there were times that she missed him, she and Fenris had a life together and they were getting too old to have to go through the same arguments. She opened her mouth to say something, but he shushed her with his mouth.

Raina closed her eyes tightly, wishing her hardest that it wasn't a dream. Her hands went up and gripped onto his shoulders. He hadn't worn his old armor in a long time. There had been no need. Maybe, just maybe, they could put that part of their lives behind them. She pulled back. "Fenris…" She breathed, but he pressed a finger against her lips to hush her.

"Allow me a moment, please." The corners of his mouth twitched into a smile as he removed his finger. Did that mean he forgave her?

"What-" She began to ask him what he was talking about and he cut her off this time with the show of a… "Is that a ring?" The small black band was smooth on the surface and shone against the light. She was sure it wasn't onyx, but it happened to match the necklace he had given her before Adalia was born. The way the light reflected off of it was beautiful and rendered her speechless, if only for a moment.

"It isn't much," he started, "Isabela offered one she looted from…well, I did not ask where, but I wanted something with more meaning, not off of a corpse. I've had it planned for some time. I just didn't know how to go about it. You are the only woman that I can remember being with." Wasn't that lovely? "And I want you to be the last." A brief smile graced his features. "It is custom, isn't it?"

"Fenris, you don't have to do that," she said, shaking her head slightly as she did so.

"I know that I don't have to," he replied, "I want to. We're a family, correct? However…dysfunctional it is. I am not aware of what should be done but-"

Raina let out a laugh and threw her arms around him before she kissed him. "Just…shut up."


	17. A Goodbye

**A/N:** _Thank you to everyone who reviewed/favorite/put on alert. Reviews are love. There's only one more chapter that I have planned. Thank you to all who have stuck by this story even you lovely lurkers. I appreciated it so much! _

"Blank Shell"

_And I've been a fool and I've been blind_

_I can never leave the past behind_

_I can see no way, I can see no way_

_I'm always dragging that horse around_

_All of these questions, such a mournful sound_

_Tonight I'm gonna bury that horse in the ground_

_-"Shake It Out" by Florence and the Machine_

It had been a few days since Fenris had come back and they learned of their daughter's growing abilities. Since Raina was the only proper teacher for Adalia in their circumstances, she had planned to start lessons as soon as possible. She smiled at the snowy haired young girl sitting in front of her. She remembered when she was that young, sitting in front of her father as he told her stories of old mages, of dragons, and of a time where mages would be free… Her heart hurt as she thought about Malcolm Hawke which turned into thoughts about Anders. There were better ways to get the results that they dreamed of, she just knew it but she didn't know how to go about it. With more mages being born everyday something had to be done.

Raina shook her head. She would not think about that now. No, her main priority was her daughter. "Are you ready?" she asked. Addi nodded her head furiously. She had such enthusiasm that reminded her of herself when she was that age. With a flick of her wrist an ice ball started to form as she made it hover above her palm. "Touch your finger tips with mine." Adalia did so. "Pay attention, ok sweetie? I'm going to roll this to your hand but don't let it touch you."

When she thought Adalia was ready, she had done exactly what she described and watched in amazement as her daughter levitated the ball of ice over her palm. "Mommy I did it!" The little girl cheered but then the ball dropped and the snowy haired angel let out a gasp from touching the cold.

Raina laughed as the ice shattered on the ground and Addi's lower lip quivered. "It's ok, it's ok," she tried to reassure her daughter. "That was good for a first try."

"Can I ash a question, mommy?" Raina nodded, smiling at her daughter's small lisp. "Where do I go when I dream?"

She smiled softly at her child and made a motion for her to sit on her lap. Adalia plopped down on her lap and Raina wrapped her arms around her. She was still so young. Would she would even understand? Only time would tell, she supposed. Raina kissed the top of her daughters head. "It's called the Fade, my darling. It is a place where the Maker first created spirits. Humans and elves are able to go but only mages remember their time there. That's what you are. That's what I am as was your Aunt Bethany and Grandpa Malcolm." She ran her fingers through Adalia's hair. She didn't know whether or not to tell her about Fenris's side of the family. "Spirits of all kind dwell there. Some you can trust and some you must watch out for."

"Do you go there too?"

Raina moved a piece of hair from her daughters face and sadly replied, "All the time."

"Do people stay in the Fade?" She asked.

She thought about it for a moment. "Lost souls who are unable to move on to beyond the Fade, yes," she replied. "They can come to you if you wish since they still retain a part of them when they were alive. Some say it's because they are unable to let go. Others believe they still have unfinished business in our world." She thought about Anders and wondered if he had been able to move on. She had long given up trying to look for him. She sighed heavily as she felt Adalia shift in her lap. If he was still there he would have let her know, wouldn't he? "Is there something else you want to know, little one?"

"Can spirits…come back from beyond, mama?" Adalia shifted again so she would be able to look up at her mother. Raina opened her mouth to say something but nothing came out. Her heart pounded against her chest in a small panic. Oh Maker, it should have been an easy question to answer yet she was having difficulty.

"Is someone visiting you?" The question was carefully worded. It was simple enough not to confuse the child and to not upset her either.

She nodded slowly. "But I can't tell you who…" What?

"Why's that?"

"He made me promise."

"Can you tell me what he looks like?" Her heart beat started to race harder than before. Fear set in at the thought of a demon tempting her daughter. No, Raina didn't think that Adalia would succumb to one. She was strong.

She remembered her first encounter with a demon. He had looked so human, promised to show her the secrets of magic and to teach her things that her father didn't want her to know. When she had refused him, he twisted in rage and turned into something ugly. That was something a young girl did not need to experience.

"He's sad, mommy." That was not what she was expecting. "He says he's a friend but I don't know him." She opened her mouth to say something but Adalia placed a small hand over her mouth to stop her. Well there was no question who she took after… "But he knows you." Her lisp had disappeared and she had suddenly seemed wise beyond her years. At only four, how was that fair to her?

"Thank you," she said and pressed her lips against Adalia's forehead. "Go see what your Uncle is up to, will you? I have to find your father."

She watched the little one do as she had asked. Raina sighed a little and brought her knees up to her body as she wrapped her arms around her legs. He was never going to let her be, was he? If the man visiting her daughter in the Fade was who she thought it was, he wasn't lost. He had unfinished business, but why did he wait so long? She had thought before that she had the closure she had needed but she had been wrong. Fenris didn't understand why she needed it but it was the guilt that made it so. It was such a burning guilt that had been there since the beginning and it hadn't gone away. She still felt it when she looked at Fenris, and it didn't help that he knew the truth about why Addi was alive and what Justice did. Why didn't the spirit tell her that Anders was still in the Fade when she last saw him?

She closed her eyes and she felt someone hold her. There was a scent of spices, musk, and magic. She had loved the combination at one point in her life. She inhaled deeply as feathers tickled her cheeks. "I like the long hair on you." His voice. It had been so long since she heard it that she had forgotten what he had sounded like. Anders pulled back and smiled a bit. "Hello, love."

"Don't call me that," Raina rasped, voice filled with emotions that she hadn't expected to have. She must've slipped into the Fade when she closed her eyes. Exhaustion seemed not to be her friend. Maybe it was the man in front of her that called to her to make it happen.

"Why? Is it because of Fenris? Well, at least that much hasn't changed." He smirked a bit and she felt like hitting him.

"Are you a demon?" She asked quickly. Her eyes narrowed accusingly at the face of her former lover.

"Logical question, Ray, but I think you already know the answer," he replied. "But if I was, do you think I'd be a Desire one?" He wiggled his eyebrows as he teased her and she rolled her eyes, still not moving from the sitting position she had been in. She pushed him away before he had a chance to continue with an inappropriate joke.

"Why have you been visiting my daughter?" She asked, exasperated as she moved a hand down her face. Anders moved to sit next to her and sighed heavily. She knew that look. Pain. He had that look etched into his features in their final years together.

"Ever think that she could have been ours?" He asked. No. In all honesty, she hadn't. He continued before silence threatened to fall between them. "You know, I'm glad you accepted Justice's offer."

"You're crazy, you know," she told him, "absolutely bonkers." Despite herself she smiled and even let out a small laugh. "Thank you for that. I don't know what I would have done if I lost her."

The blond nodded. "I know," he replied. "You deserve happiness. Though honestly, I thought Isabela would have looked for Fenris sooner after you two left Kirkwall." Raina paused before she slowly turned her head to look at him. Was he implying what she thought he was?

"You can't possibly tell me that you had a hand in that," she said almost breathlessly. She watched him smile. It was the same smile that she had fallen in love with. A part of her told her that she would always love him, despite the heartache. Wasn't that the purpose of that powerful, all changing emotion? Except this time it wasn't meant to be.

"Okay, I won't tell you," he said with a smile. Damn him.

"Why didn't you come to me when I was looking for you?" She was on the verge of tears. Her vision blurred and her cheeks felt like they were on fire. She thought that she deserved to know. That she had a right to know. If he had been in the Fade this whole time… Her throat tightened for a moment and she ran her fingers through her hair before she rubbed her eyes gently. She wasn't going to cry, she would make sure of that.

"Would it have made things easier if I did?" He asked. She felt him wrap an arm around her shoulders. No, it wouldn't have. "That's what I thought." He gave her a small nudge and she looked at him again. He leaned his head against hers. "If you didn't kill me, do you think would we have still been together?" His voice had been so soft as he asked her that. Her chest heaved as she closed her eyes in attempt to fight the coming pain.

"Anders…"

He placed a hand over her mouth and smiled. "Just let me finish," he begged. "Would you have still stayed by my side if I told you what I had planned? Would you still have loved me?"

"I do love you, Anders," she told him. Her heart broke as she spoke. He looked like he was holding onto every word she said. Was this what he needed to finally move on? "If you would have told me, trusted me, I could have done something. I could have stopped you. I could have helped you. Maker help me but I would have faced anything at your side."

"Then why did you do it?"

"You needed to be free." She didn't need to think twice about the answer. It had been her final act of love to free him from Vengeance. "I had known how much pain you were in and it would just get worse. But there is one thing that I regret." That seemed to catch his interest. "I was so upset about what happened that I didn't tell you the one thing that you needed to hear then." She reached up and touched the side of his face. Her fingertips lightly grazed across the stubble that had been there when she had last seen him. Her thumb stroked his cheek bone and she smiled softly. "That I loved you."

"But you don't anymore?" He put his own hand over hers and intertwined their fingers. His voice had sounded so broken but held a small amount of hope.

"I will always," she told him. "But we were never meant to be in the end."

"I lied to you so many times," Anders told her. "Fenris deserves you in so many more ways than I ever did. He did come to you, after your mother died. He wanted to forgiveness but I made him leave and never told you. I'm sorry, Ray." Her eyes widened before she looked away. She promised herself that she wouldn't cry but she couldn't keep it. As the first tear fell, Anders leaned in and kissed it away. "No more tears. Please…"

"How could you keep that from me?"

"I was selfish." It seemed like an easy and cheap answer. "I didn't want to lose you but I wanted to be the one that made you happy." She wanted to tell him that he would have never lost her but her heart told her that it was a lie. She would have run back into Fenris's arms as soon as she found out. "It's why I made Isabela promise if anything happened to me, she would find him. It was why I had Justice come to you the moment you needed help. It's why I stayed here until you were ready to see me." He gave her hand a gentle squeeze. "Because I couldn't move on until I knew that you were okay and that with everything that I ruined, you were able to live like you should." With his other hand he brushed some hair out of her face. "Do you forgive me?"

Raina sniffled. "There's nothing to forgive."

Anders nodded and stood up before he pulled her up to her feet. "You know Adalia really is beautiful. She's just like you."

"Really? I thought she took after Fenris."

The blond mage smirked. "We all have our faults." He tilted his head to the side. "Can I ask one last thing from one?"

"Anything."

"Kiss me?"

This would be their final goodbye. She could feel it and wasn't ready to let go. She had held on to his memory for so long. She nodded in response. He pulled her closer to him and she closed her eyes as his lips melded against hers. "Be at peace," she whispered between kisses.

When she opened her eyes, she still felt lips against hers still but instead of Anders, she found Fenris before her. She pulled back and realized that she was crying. She wiped at her cheeks furiously. "Did it help?" He asked. No more secrets.

"Yes," she replied. Her blue eyes locked with his greens. He must've known.

He did. "And it is just us now?" There was sadness but also hope. Hope. It was all they had left, wasn't it?

She nodded and gently touched her fingers underneath his jaw line. She leaned in and kissed him again. "It's always been us."

* * *

Within the next few years Fenris and Raina had their wedding. It was small and conducted by a Rivaini Seer. Their close knit friends attended to witness the bonding between them. Carver gave Raina away and Donnic had been there for Fenris. Adalia had been by their side; happy with the family she had but still ignorant to the war that rage in Thedas around them. She would remain ignorant to it until she was thirteen years old. It was then when her defiant stage had kicked in, something that Raina had expected and prepared for but she hadn't been prepared for the conversation that was going to take place alongside the beach near their home.

Raina stood at the end of the beach where the water just lightly touched the tips of her toes. The horizon was dark, darker than it should have been for that time of day. "What is it?" A voice asked next to her. The sky was burning from the war mages held against Thedas.

Adalia's blue eyes stared wide at the scene before them. Raina smiled at her. It was a sad smile because she knew what was going to have to be done. "Something that's waiting for us," she replied. She could no longer ignore the war. She could no longer ignore the suffering and the people dying.

"Mother, may I ask something?" She nodded in response to her daughter. "It's lyrium on father's skin, isn't it?"

"Yes."

"And he's had it for a long time?"

"Long since before I met him all those years ago," she replied but didn't like where Addi was going with her question.

"Then why hasn't he suffered lyrium poisoning?" Nothing got by her. She reached over to her daughter and ruffled her hair.

"You are wise beyond your years, you know that?" Raina asked as she turned away from the burned horizon to face her daughter. "I've asked myself that a long time ago. Your Uncle Varric found things out for me. He's very good at that." She sucked in a deep breath. "Your father comes from a line of mages. As you know, he lost the memories of his youth from being branded with the lyrium and the reason he is able to tap into its powers so easily is because…" She wondered if Fenris had realized this himself. "Because he has mage abilities. His body has forgotten how to use it but it adapted to what it was given."

"What happened to his old master?" Adalia asked. Her curiosity was just as bad, if not worse, compared to Raina's own when she was that age.

"Someone very close took care of that," she replied. Isabela, Carver, Varric, and Zevran had been so kind to help rid the world of another magister when they had been in the area. The pirate queen had been more than willing to help.

"So he is truly free then?"

"He's been free for a long time."

As if on cue, movement was heard near them. The two turned to see Fenris coming towards them. She smiled at him as she extended her hand out towards him. He took it with a weary smile. "Are you ready for this?" He asked as she pulled him closer to her.

Raina nodded. "It's been put off for long enough."

"Where are we going?" Adalia asked as she took a step closer to her parents.

"Orlais," Fenris answered. "Someone has been looking for your mother for a long time."

The teenager shook her head. "But the Templars and the Chantry… is it safe?" The concern in her voice was heartwarming. Raina wanted to laugh though. Nowhere was really safe, not even on their own land, she had learned that lesson the day that Addi was born.

"We'll be fine," she replied. Part of her wondered if she really believed that herself. With friends and family by her side, she would face anything. She leaned in towards the teenager. "The question is, are you ready?"

Addi bit her lower lip and nodded. "Yes," she replied as the sight of The Siren's Call Two had come into view. "I'm ready."


	18. Choices

**A/N:** _Thank you to everyone who reviewed and what not. This is it. Hope you like. It's a shorter chapter but I stopped it where I think that it would be a good place to end. I apologize that it's shorter than my usual chapters and I'm sorry this took so long. Longer than I would have liked but with moving and ME3 what can you do? xD_

"Blank Shell"

_Memories my mind still replies_

_Comforting thoughts 'til I awake_

_The presence of you is haunting through shapes_

_Relfecting your image off on my face_

_Whispered desire to know you're at peace_

_Blank in the eyes you're vacant to me_

_So strong with the spirit entirely strong_

_Entirely strong it's time to move on_

_-"Blank Shell" by 10 Years_

Orlais had not been what Adalia had expected. She glanced between her mother and father as her Aunt Isabela docked the Siren's Call into Val Royeaux. This was the home of the Chantry. She had heard stories of how the grand towers were such a pristine white that it shimmered in the sunlight. As she stared at the scenery before her, she saw that the stories had only been just that. Uncle Carver had thought that coming was an entirely bad idea but her mother would not be swayed. It was one thing that she admired most about her.

She felt a hand gently grip her shoulder. She turned her head to see her father smile softly down at her. Ever since she was little they hadn't needed words to communicate. That was just how Fenris was she supposed. She nodded towards him to let him know that she was fine. Truthfully, she was more worried about him and mother.

"Are you ready for this Hawke?" Varric asked, coming up behind them with the elf Zevran in tow.

The lady Aveline has said that she would meet them on the docks as she acted liaison to the Chantry. Adalia looked at her mother. No. She didn't look ready but she knew that her mother had put off her arrival for far too long. They left the ship but there was no sight of Aveline.

"Where do you think she is?" Carver asked.

"If I knew that," Raina started, "would we be standing here still?"

Her uncle smirked as he moved past his sister and looked around. Val Royeaux was terribly quiet and unsettling for the young woman. Her fingers itched for her staff but Adalia watched as her mother casted a side glance in her direction and in her eyes had been a silent warning. She didn't want her to be given away as a mage. Not just yet. She wanted to question her mother but Addi just nodded and received a smile in response.

It was time to go to the Chantry. The youngest of the group would be lying if she said that she wasn't terrified. She didn't know what would be waiting for them, most of all she didn't know what would be waiting for her mother.

A loud noise rumbled towards them. It was a echo of metal plated feet stampeding against the stone on the road. Adalia watched as her father drew out his sword and cautiously made his way near her before someone yelled. The next thing she knew, she found herself on the ground, staring up curiously at man who looked human but had elven features. His dark hair ruffled in curls around his face and his bright green eyes sparkled as he stared down at her. Adalia raised an eyebrow as he offered his hand.

"Sorry," the stranger said. "I was trying to lose the Templars on my ass."

"You would do best to step away," Fenris growled at the man. He turned his head to face her parents. She felt her cheeks flush as she took his hand and pulled herself to her feet, noting how he didn't budge as she did so.

"Father," she groaned but he ignored her.

"You say you're running from Templars then you lead them right to us," he shot at the stranger.

"Fenris, please," Raina began and she stepped between the two. "It's not like they're not looking for us." _Right now_ had been the silent ending between the group. Adalia watched her mother smile at the handsome stranger. "I am Raina. Raina Hawke. This is my family, Fenris and Adalia. Carver and Isabela. Even the dwarf over there, along with a few friends. We can offer assistance but we're heading to the Chantry-"

The man cut her off. "I am Urthemiel. Heading to the Chantry is not wise, Champion."

Raina raised an eyebrow. "You know of me?"

Urthemiel nodded. "There's not a moment your name isn't uttered in this city," he replied. "Some invoke it in a fight and others curse it. Tell me, what side do you think the Chantry is on with that, hm?" Adalia watched as the dark haired man smiled afterwards and the sinking feeling in her stomach took a turn for the worse.

"Are we seriously going to sit here and listen to this?" Carver asked, irritated at the presence of the newcomer.

Raina stared at the man in front of her and nodded. "It's a chance that I'm willing to take," she told Urthemiel. Adalia noticed how the rest in their group had fallen silent as the two in front of them spoke. "Why are they after you?"

The dark haired man laughed. "Because to them I shouldn't exist," he replied. "We will meet again Champion." Adalia watched him slip away into the shadows just before another yell echoed towards them.

"You there!" She turned to see a Templar coming towards them. The urge to grab her staff had grown even more.

Raina sighed and tossed the Templar a hard glance. "What?" She asked. "Going to threaten me? I'm here on business so if you must do anything, direct me to the Chantry."

Adalia was willing to bet that underneath that steel helmet was a face of surprise. The Templar nodded and did what she asked. It was different to see that happen, considering the state that the city was in. "Wait," the Templar started. "Mages. I can feel you have them in your company. You must hand them over in the name of the Maker."

"The Maker can shove it," Carver said with a snort of a laugh at the end.

"My sentiments exactly," Isabela and Varric said at the same time.

Raina laughed. "No," she said and reached out for Adalia. She took her mothers' arm and walked with her as she heard the sound of steel meeting steel and a dying man's last moments in the world. She closed her eyes as she gave him a silent prayer.

When she opened them she could see the Chantry against the burning sky. She knew that it was supposed to be a pillar of hope, a sign of strength…and whatever else that the Divine would have those in Thedas believe but it struck nothing but fear in her heart. Adalia held onto her mothers' arm tightly and she felt the older woman place a gentle hand over hers. "We're going to be alright," Raina assured her before she stopped in her tracks. "I want you to stay here with Varric and Zevran, okay?"

Addi nodded. "Come back quickly?" She asked.

A faint smile spread across her mothers' face. "Anything for you," she said before she leaned in and kissed her forehead.

Her father was the next to join her. "Do not leave their sight," he said slowly. "Promise?" She wasn't a child anymore. She nodded though just for him to show that she understood. "We will return soon."

* * *

"Champion."

"Please, it's just Raina here."

Carver and Isabela stood behind her and by her side had been Fenris. She hated leaving Adalia behind but as she stared at Aveline, Cassandra and the Divine herself, she felt like it had been the best decision for her daughter.

"Aveline has told us that you wish to help in the war," Cassandra spoke for her leader, who seemed unimpressed.

Raina ran her tongue over her lower lip and nodded to the Seeker. "You've been looking for me for a long time, Seeker. I figured that it's better to find you before this war becomes far worse. Your city is already burning and the fires will spread."

"Yes," Cassandra said bitterly. "They will."

The Champion of Kirkwall…if she could even still have that title nodded. "Then I will help," she said. "But it will only go so far. It is you and the Chantry who have to take the steps to make a difference. The difference that will count and the mages will listen."

"But only if it benefits them," Justinia said.

Old fool, Raina wanted to grumble but she just shook her head in response. She clicked her tongue against the roof of her mouth and took a step towards them. "With attitudes like that, there will be no peace," she told her.

"It was one of your companions that started this, no?" the Divine asked.

"Yes," she replied, "it was but unlike Anders, I have a plan. A plan that you better be willing to listen to or I will just walk away and hope that the foundations of this damned place will fall."

The three before her said nothing until Aveline broke the silence moments later, "Be reasonable, Hawke."

Raina just looked at her old friend. "I am," she replied. "For once in my life, old friend." She turned her attention back to the Divine, the one who could really change everything. "But the question is, are you ready to be reasonable as well?"

The old woman was tired. That much the scion of the Hawke family could tell. The years had worn down on her. Maker, she was willing to bet that they all were ready for the whole thing to end. She watched as the Divine ran a hand down her face and her features took a hardened expression. "What are your demands?"

The wording brought a smile to her lips despite herself. "They are not demands," she replied. "They are a solution. The Towers are needed. That much is clear but mages should not be torn away from their families. Let them go to the Tower, let them learn to control their gift." Raina swallowed hard. "Let them choose to stay or choose to go. Maker, that is all we want. We want a choice without fear of death."

Raina didn't know whether it was the lighting playing tricks with her mind or whether it was the grace of the Maker that had caused the Divine to smile.

Something told her that a wizard did it.


End file.
